Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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ruthannstewart 06/26/2015

Today has been a confusing day for me and I really hadn't noticed this so much as I have today. For just a little while I almost felt normal, like nothing has happened, it didn't last that long but how strange is that ? For a little while my brain just was in denial, nothing sad had happened and oh, my dear Lord it was wonderful.!! Am I having a breakdown ? It's crazy because right now I am so damned depressed I want run screaming out of here. To go just anywhere but here and now !! My goodness, how weary I am of all this shit, the always sorrow, lonely and just no hope for it to get better ! Just that fleeting moment of time showed me how it use to be and now never will be again. Yes, I do take an antidepressant, guess it isn't working anymore. huh? Being in a relationship for so many years and then it's gone, that has to effect a person in oh so many ways. Now just having one day turn into another and another. I think I must help myself, go to greaveing group meetings and learn how to move on. Or go for therapy and see if that will help. I feel stagnant, unable to help myself and knowing I need to do something ! I don't want to always feel like this. I want the sorrow and sadness to be gone and knowing that most people say that it takes time. I'm way too impatient, tired, and feeling aloneness. Like all of you here, my heart breaks for you too. Reading your posts and knowing just exactly how you feel !! We are just human and miss the ones who are gone and not a darn thing we can do about it, but we can feel for each other and say HEY! You're not alone. Even that helps some. God Bless us all ! and thanks for reading my rantings of a crazy woman !

Ruthann

joannklingaman 06/26/2015

Oh gosh, how can we not have mood swings when you have lost the most precious person in your life !!!!

Today was okay, then this evening I watched a show, and when
all of a sudden they kissed each other, I lost it......
I miss his kisses/hugs ... Larry was just a loveable person to me
and knowing that is gone forever, is almost unbearable at times.

Where I live has been so dang hot day & night and I can't get out
and take a walk in the evening to clear my mind ...
Oh why is it so hard !!!!

tiger1962 06/27/2015

Dear Ruthann, that "normal" moment was indeed normal. I had that a few days after my wife's passing. It happened around 11pm for about 5 minutes, first. Then it got a little longer over time. Now, after 5 months, I can have hours of this normal moment, particularly at night. Now I think it as a flash that will eventually turn into light at the end of grief tunnel. It may now be short, faint, dim, insignificant, but it will get into brighter light--hold on it. You will be fine. Hugs, Tiger

ruthannstewart 06/27/2015

I cried when I was told that this is my "new Normal" . Maybe I needed to hear that, but I don't want it to be. Always missing him always feeling alone. I truly hope it gets better at some point in the months to come. I can live with that but to always feel like I do makes me not want to be here anymore. I do have reasons to live, children and grandchildren and I would never want them to feel like I do !! Not ever. It would be easy for me to leave, really easy, but I won't put them through that. We all need hope.

statsmaster 06/27/2015

Life on the roller coaster as we know it. Hang on and it will improve with time.

Peace to you!

Dewman

tiger1962 06/27/2015

Agreed, Dewman. Mood swings are improvement, better than perpetual sadness. Tiger

slimbear 06/27/2015

Like Tiger said, it's like the light at the end of the grief tunnel. I like that. Or the tablespoon of water in the glass that will eventually fill back up, most of the way anyway.

For me, I'm going to try a different medication. Might help.

wendimac 06/27/2015

From what I can tell it's normal. It's been about 17 weeks and 1 day since my husband passed, and I go through it every day. I find that it's worse in the evening, or when I come home from doing errands, etc. One minute all is well, the next I want to die. Your not a 'crazy woman'...your heart is broken. Take care, wendi

KimKos 06/27/2015

This is a very heartfelt post and as one who hung in the spot you speak of ...where everything is like it used to be..like it never happened...there really is no way around it...we have to walk through it...it hurts worse than I could ever of imagined but with the help of others I am on my way in a journey of discovering me...a me without my he...and I really am stronger than I thought!! Sending u hug and prayers ..wishes ..of strength and guidance for your journey..you may find many things on it ..but here you will find one thing for sure ..YOU are never alone

bookdragon 06/27/2015

Of course we are going to feel this away! Our life is defined by our relationships with others and now the biggest part of that definition is gone. I guess we just keep putting one foot in front of the other and hope this journey will soften our grief. hugs-Patti

dschwartz 06/27/2015

Ruthann . . I just journaled almost the exact same thing you wrote a few days ago. The "mood swings" are giving me a case of the "crazies"!! You are so not alone in experiencing these extreme shifts of emotions. I also mentioned the "new norm" and how I am NOT liking it, nor taking it lying down . . I struggle with it, when I know I should be "surrendering" to it. I don't recognize "me" in much of this process and I want the old Dayna back, damn it! On the upside, it is slowly getting better, but ever so slowly. Some days are better than others and then another whammie mood comes along, or a trigger and I'm back in the gutter. I, too, feel like running out of here (literally) screaming!! Alas, that is not an immediate option, but the day will come when I will say "goodbye" to this horrid era of my life. I hold the faith that I will be stronger and wiser at the end of this journey. I remind myself daily that the birthing pains are horrific during any transformation process. It's part of the price we pay. Hang in there girl, I'm hanging in there with you and with so many more. We are NOT alone, and we are far from crazy. Hugs, D

hgsdms 06/27/2015

Ruthann, your post says what most of us feel or have felt, I think. I know that I do. Some hours good, other are horrible and I want to join my husband over there. There is really nothing to do but endure these feelings I guess and hope that it will get better one little step at a time. Big AZ hug to you.
Darlene

Silee 06/27/2015

The new 'normal' is not what any one of us anticipated or want. We just have to live it to our best.. Be gentle on yourself..We get you.

soalone2to1 06/27/2015

RuthAnn,
Yes I too could have written your post today and every couple of days for the past month. Unfortunately, I do believe that these feelings are "normal" and all part of this awful process of grieving. Each day runs into the next with nothing to look forward to but another long day feeling miserable. Those normal few minutes we get I believe are given to us when it gets to be too much to bear. Those little reprieves are necessary. I sometimes get a full day of numbness where I feel no emotion at all. When that happens I know that tomorrow will probably be an emotional doozie though. I have started journaling again as a way to record my feelings, let them out and also see my progress as time goes on. I don't cry all the time anymore or even as often, but this past month the tears when they do come seem to be uncontrollable. Not out of control, but just not able to stop them from coming regardless of where I am. That is new for me too. Again all part of the process. Hang in there. I keep hearing from everyone here that there is light at the end of the tunnel and they have walked this road so they should know. Hugs, Robyn

cliffskat 06/28/2015

A grief group might help, as would counseling. Journaling helps some people. I had counseling, and got it for free through my work's Employee Assistance Program. I think it helps. I did journal as well. I also read some books on grieving. The book that helped me the most was "Seven Choices - Finding Daylight After Loss Shatters Your World" by Elizabeth Harper Neeld. It was like having a gentle guide on how to work your way through this mess. That book helped me immensely, and I recommend it highly. Your public library may have it as it's been out awhile now. It is available on Amazon and I think there is a kindle version, too, now. You might try that and see if it helps.

Public libraries often have several books for the bereaved you can borrow. Some also have DVDs that are helpful, too. Typically they are no cost or very low cost, which for a lot of us is important as books and DVDs can get expensive. Librarians are also happy to help you find materials. Just a thought.

You're not crazy. You're grieving. Don't give up. You will get through this. It won't always feel like this. It's going to take some work, but you can do this. Honest.

Love and Hugs,
Martha

loveddogs 06/28/2015

Martha, thank you for letting us know of a good book to help us deal. Hugs to all, Michele

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