so sorry for your loss

Dear Hawk, I wish I could take your pain away. It's a pain we all feel here. I can tell you some things I know for sure though that may ease some of that grief. I know for a fact that we will be reunited with our beloved spouses once again. I also know that what you are experiencing is indeed real. Not only have I lost my husband of 28 years, I lost my daughter when she was 22 from suicide. I have had the most vivid dreams that aren't like other dreams. In those dreams, I can smell my daughter, feel her touch as she holds my hand and in those dreams, I am aware that she has died, but don't want to think too much about that fact. In those precious dreams, she always leaves but tells me that she'll be back with me again. When I wake up, I don't feel sad, but comforted and joyful for her visit. As for my loving husband, I haven't had that kind of dream, but other miraculous things have happened that let me know he is with me. I don't want to bore you with those amazing details, but I've started trying to remember my dreams. Before I open my eyes, I try to remember anything at all about them. I never realized before that I dream of him almost every night. It isn't one of those vivid dreams, but rather dreams where we are going about our daily lives doing ordinary things. He is there even if only in another room. he is always with me. Sometimes I swear I hear him call my name or feel his arms around me. Please pay attention to those signs that your wife is with you trying to help you cope. I see him when I'm out. I see someone that looks like him or hear someone who sounds like him. I feel his hand in mine. We too held hands all the time. Even in bed, we held hands and crossed our feet over each others. As I'm falling asleep or before I wake sometimes I feel him there. Of course, I don't tell anyone other than here because they wouldn't understand. I truly believe your wife is trying to help you. Embrace those moments and feel joy rather than sorrow. I'm sure it's what she wants. And please turn to prayer to ask for comfort and healing. While we can never, and do not ever want to forget our loved ones, we have to move forward and not squander the rest of what life we have left. May God bless you and help you in this terrible time.

Hi Hawk....I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. For me it has been almost 10 years ago that I lost my wife. I can say that it doesn't get easier, but you do learn to cope with the loss better. No one has all the answers and there isn't a standard time-frame for doing this or doing that. It's you and what you feel comfortable doing. I would recommend not making any life-changing decision for the first year. During that time, maybe try and get away. Coming back home will be hard. Go to church....be with family. Find something to occupy your mind. Join a group and get face to face with people. Remember that everyone you encounter has a past, present or future struggle. You will get through this, and I wish you all the best.

I feel you. Been 49 days.

I understand all that you said Hawk. My sig/other of 25 yrs, died of bile duct cancer, liver failure is what took him. Awful to witness, I keep seeing his thin, frail body in my mind. He was always a big, strong man, even his fingers got thin and frail looking. So very sad. He was 63, I am 59. Sometimes I hear his voice, or see him in a crowd of people. I only wish it were him.

I feel so sad, lost him too early, especially when I see our peers together with their mates. So hard. I feel very alone.

Why are there not more face to face support groups for loss of spouse or sig/other? I live in Buffalo, New York area and there is pretty much nothing. Of course, I am sure, you all live in many different areas.

Thanks so much. Much appreciated. I have had health issues myself which has left me disabled and unable to leave my home much. I am surrounded by her all the time. I hear her and smell her. She was my world from our first date. She in fact past away on our 29 anniversary of that date. Everyone was wondering why she was holding on during the last week. I finally realized the date and told them I think she is trying to get to our 29th. I never expected to be without her as I am 6 yrs older. I feel this strong need to be with her. I don't mean hurting myself, We have two sons that are grown. Its just nothing seems to matter as much without her. Our family of course, but just normal day to day stuff makes me wonder what the point is. I know I had the perfect wife and I am sooo glad I treated her the best I could.. I can see her face and the look in her eyes and know I was to her what she was to me. I already went ahead and did Christmas shopping for this yr. as I am scared of it coming and the hurt it will bring me. Thanks again.