Oh my dear I am so sorry you have to go through this. You have come to a good place where others truly understand your pain. You will get support here. There are no answers why this happened and no short cuts through your grief. Almost 2 months for me and it's no easier yet. Others here say it does get easier with lots of time and hard work. I too am struggling with legal, financial and everyday issues. Nothing is easy and there is no instruction manual. Most days are brutal and you really do have to take it one minute at a time right now. Try not to think too far ahead and avoid making big decisions now if you can avoid it. In those first weeks I was driving myself crazy trying to get things done and to try to put some order into my life, but it all takes time and your head is not clear at this point. If you have family or friends who you can talk to or come here and someone will be able to weigh in with their experience because we have all been walking this awful road. Try to eat, try to get some sleep you will need all the energy you can get. Grieving is not easy. Hugs to you.

Kate: I am so sorry for your loss and it is so unfair. It does get better but you have a very long road ahead of you. Please be kind to yourself, try not to make big decisions and take one day at a time. Try to find a grief support group in your area; it really helps. My husband died at the age of 41 after we had been married fro 10 years and together for 12 years. It felt and feels way, way too short. The way I have dealt with it is by thinking that God gave us that short period of time to have an incredible relationship to let us know what true love is. Sending you thoughtsand prayers.

So so sorry for your tragic loss. Life is so unfair :(God hold you!)

Oh Kate,
I am so, so sorry, for your loss. I know the trauma you feel right now.
I am glad you have joined DS. We are all here for you,
Hugs, peace and hope
Sandra

Kate,

My my feelings are that we are in a gray haze when this event occurs in our life. One of my experiences with the gray hase is. After Sally's passing (30 weeks this week but who is counting?) Funny how we feel compelled to count! human nature I guess. I started going through old papers after Sally's death and decided I did not need my divorce papers from 1981. Then had to get new certified copies to prove to the IRS that I was single and could legally get married to SJ. Important::: Put all papers that you find and receive and place them in one place. Everything! Later if you need one you will know where to find. I'm sorry that all of us have to go though this but I'm finding that writing about it is more helpful to me than trying to talk about the event. Usually when I write I cry and that is ok. Hugs to you and know that you are normal and this process is normal.

Dewey

44 days for me. Hugs and love to you. There is a ton of support on here from people who can relate.

My loss was 7 years ago this past June and I know how hard it is. Believe me, I fought it every step of the way. Wanting nothing but my life with him back. Wanting to wake up from this nightmare. But the more I talked to the people here, the more I knew I wasnt alone. I'm here now with Martha ( cliffskat ) and Marsha ( marjoe ) as Community leaders to help you find your way again. Deep breathes and one moment at a time doing what you can and resting while you cry is the only way I got through the hard days. You will find the way too and we are here to support you. Sharon

Kate, I am so very sorry for your loss. We understand, believe me. We are here for you. This site has helped me tremendously.

Please take care of yourself. Make sure you eat, don't let yourself become dehydrated. Cry whenever you feel like it. Get enough sleep.

Seek out a grief support group or a therapist. Lean on your family and friends, and let them help you.
Don't make any major decisions while you're grieving.

Hugs,
Janie

Hi! I am so sorry for your loss. Life does not seem fair at all when you lose your soul mate and at such a young age. Yes, a part of you did die with him and I felt the same way too when my darling Art passed away. I too watched as the cancer took him and yet he remained so brave and courageous!! The pain will be excruciating in the early months. I just wanted to die myself so that we could be together again. But with time, you will learn how to ride this roller coaster of emotions. This is the hardest journey we have all been on. However, the pain becomes just a dull ache and you learn to breath again. Take it one day at time. Do not make any major decisions yet. Sending you hugs!! You have come to the right place. All of us on DS know what you are going thru and will try to help you as much as we can. Sue.

Dearest Kate... you are so very young and Life is just so horribly unfair! I don't know how to take away your pain but, like everyone else here, we wish we had a magic wand to wave over you and make the horror go away.

After my Darrell died, I kept asking (the Universe?) "Why am I still here? I just want to be with him." Eventually, I realized that I was "still here" for a reason, although I knew I had yet to figure out that reason.

I attended a local hospice group specifically for widows and widowers. The facilitator of that group, a woman in her late forties, had been widowed at age 31. She said she had asked that same question: why was she still here when she only wanted to be with her husband? The loss of her husband prompted her to go back to school and become a counselor. I have attended group therapy sessions for various subjects but never have I experienced a facilitator who had such depth and insight into the pain we were all feeling in that hospice grief group. Just hearing her speak and knowing she knew exactly the pain each of us in that group was feeling was an epiphany for me. This woman had asked, "Why am I still here," and was the walking answer to my same question.

I won't be becoming a grief counselor - or a counselor at all, for that matter - but I will find my purpose for staying behind. There IS a reason why I'm "still here" and there is a reason why you and all the others here, are, as well.

Hugs,
Terry