Hi maryelnew, I was probably in shock for the first seven months. I was very emotional, like sobbing on the bathroom floor, but also in a frenzy to take care of everything. I am at almost 32 months. I believe reality has sunk in, but remember that the grief process is not linear. I am currently dealing with depression. Glad you have joined. pj1952

glad you mentioned the frenzy, i think mine scares me

So sorry for your loss. mega hugs. For me, the first year was a blur. I really tried to take it all a day at a time, stay focused on getting through the day, keep the house and yard all taken care of. It is now month 13 and I still try and keep to a routine. Reality is that my husband will never be on this earth again and it just makes me sad he died when he was such a great fitness person and took good care of himself. Cancer.... The dreaded "C."
I am thankful for great friends and love the volunteer projects I became involved with. The hardest for me is being alone in the house. I hope you keep posting and sharing, it all helps.

I lost the love of my life 9 months ago and am still sort of in a fog. I do what I have to do to get by, but that is about it. This grief journey is tough, but it does help so much to share. I'm so sorry for your loss and please know that this is a great place to get support.

So sorry for your loss. It has been 26 months for me. Reality set in, at a year. Then another year to figure myself out. I no longer expect him to come through the door. But he is still on my mind.... Sandee

Maryelnew,

All I can say is that you've come to the right place. The door is always open, and there are always folks willing to listen. This is a painful journey none of us would've ever volunteered to take, but we're on it nonetheless. I have found strength and compassion here. I hope you will, too.

Wishing you peace . . .

Hi maryelnew. My husband passed away 10 weeks ago but it some ways it feels like 10 years! I felt not too bad the past two weeks but woke up this morning and it is like a wave that comes. I cried off and on all day. At times I still am in the fog with dis-believing and maybe even shock that my life has greatly changed. I honestly feel that if it were not for this site I would have had a worse time. The messages give me hope and the advice give me comfort. We are all walking the same path. Please be kind to yourself. That was the most valuable lesson I have learned from this site! Hugs to you.

Mary I am very sorry for your loss...for me it took a long time ...kept myself so busy that it really felt like a ton of bricks...I am glad you found this place ..it has been very helpful to me...it didn't stop my bricks but it did give me friends to help pick myself up when they hit

Welcome Maryelnew, So very sorry for your loss. You will find hope, comfort and support here from people who really get what you are going through. I am now at 8 months and while I am able to go to work and appear to be coping well, it is very much a 'face' I wear just to get through each day, underneath I am either in emotional turmoil or feeling numb and disconnected. In many ways, I am still in shock, tire easily and have to push myself to get going. Don't worry about doing too much, just make sure you listen to your body and rest when you feel tired. There is a lot that has to be done, and keeping busy helps us cope and gives a feeling of control which we need in order to keep going. Hugs to you as you get through today, keep posting. Glad you have found DS. Janpeter.

Welcome to our family Mary. My sincere condolences for your recent loss. This is not an easy journey . . grief. It will take you through many stages, too many to mention. With that said, you will also come to know your own strength and you will grow in amazing ways you never thought possible (these are some positives). Right now, however, you are very early in the grief process and I would suggest to not expect too much other than keeping it in the day. It helped me in the beginning to keep a list of things I needed or wanted to accomplish. I would write this the eve before the next day. In the morning, I would look at my list and as the day progressed, cross off that which I got done. Trust me, there were plenty of days I didn't get anything done on that list and it waited until the next day. That's okay too. It at least helped me have some direction in my life in the midst of chaos. The days do become easier with time . . we can all attest to that. Patience is key. As for your question: when does it sink in? I think it's different for all of us. I don't recall an "exact day", but it was probably somewhere around the ninth month when I finally accepted my reality. As others have said, be gentle with self and try not to over analyze or push yourself to be in an emotional space that you are not ready for. Simply let the days flow and focus on you and your grief work. Sending lots of healing and positive energy your way. Hugs, Dayna

Welcome. It has been 3 months today and I still can't believe it. The shock is starting to wear off.

I am very sorry for your loss. This site has helped me more than anything else. Reading posts and talking to people who understand is very comforting.

You have to remember that although we are all grieving and go through many of the same things, we all have our own timelines. Early on I desperately wanted to know when the intense pain would end. I would read posts from people who said that the second year was worse than the first and panic. I could not have handled pain worse than what I was going through.

I started to feel somewhat better at around seven months. It has almost been a year now and I am worlds away from how I felt early on. I am still grieving and still miss him but now I go days without crying and when I do, I don't sob for hours. I can laugh and feel happiness again. My first thought when I wake up is not "Oh my God, he's gone"

I never went through what many have said that they experienced, that I did not believe it was real. I knew it was real. i knew he wasn't coming back. I wanted him to be there when I walked in the door, but I knew he would not be.

Right now you just need to get through one day at a time. Cry, scream and punch pillows when you need to. Let those emotions out. Try to take care of yourself. Drink enough fluids and try to eat healthy. I did not do this and made myself really sick. And if you have any questions or need support you found a good place here.

And if possible wait before making big decisions and giving things away. I made some poor decisions early on.

Mary, My deepest sympathy to you for your loss. You have found a good support group here, so glad you posted. It probably took me about 6 months to fully grasp and begin to internalize my new reality. I like to say the mind knows and the heart takes time to catch up. The grief comes in waves, and yes, sometimes very unexpectedly because of triggers you didn't anticipate. A very helpful suggestion I'd read from here is to set aside some evening time for purposeful reflection. That may help you through your day to be mindful knowing you'll have those other thoughts later. Just thinking straight was the hardest thing for me for quite some time. Be patient with yourself. The frenzy and panic are very real, very raw. It's a 'do something to fix this' catapult that is very hard to contain. Hugs to you.

I am almost 21 months. I am so thankful that the Lord has sustained me and has strengthen me. I was always in control of what I wanted to do and when I wanted to do it. This I couldn't control and I wanted peace, so I reached out, ( had done it many times before, but resumed to my old self after the storm was over) and cried out for help. I have come to the realization that he is gone, but I shall see him again. Until then I have sweet memories and made it my project to collect 600 pictures out of thousands and organize them in a photo journal, where I also told the story of how we met, the trips we went on, the holidays and the many occasions we shared together. I also have "Life Even After," where I have taken pictures of things I have done without him, such as remodeling in the house, the garden that I never touch when he was alive, because it belonged to him. I planted flowers and vegetables, even in his old work boots, trips with my daughters, etc. It took over a 1/2 years. It was a labor of love as I turn the pages through the 36 years we were together.

Mary, I am so sorry for the loss of your husband. Glad you found us though. It was so good to know I was not losing my mind as so many expressed the exact emotions I was feeling.

So many things can trigger a crying spell for me.....yesterday it was the Masters Golf Tourn.....my Ben loved golf so much and on Master's week there was nothing else on TV.....I could not make myself watch it, just cried off and on all day.

I am just a few days short of 3 months. I know he is gone, I know he is not coming back....but my heart still can't wrap itself around that fact.

This morning my oldest son came over and cut my grass and that sent me into a fit of tears. Ben had bought his red riding mower when we retired 4.5 years ago....was so proud to be able to own one. He cut our yard, the neighbor's yards, he just loved it. Those memories did not bring me comfort, perhaps in time they will.

The one positive thing I did today was to take our dog Bonnie to the vet by myself to get a shot and her nails clipped.....I was proud of myself for accomplishing that....sounds small but for me it was another huge milestone.

Hugs to you
Jen