I had to move a month and one day after my husband died. It was hard but it was a good move because i moved back near my parents.

Dear Kimmy . . . "moving" is one of the top five stressers along with death. You are dealing with a double whammy here. I'm so sorry, I can only imagine your angst and panic. I, too, will have to move at some point and it wigs me out just thinking about it. The overwhelming feelings you have are quite "adult" as are your reactions. You will rise to the occasion in spite of your fears. It will all work out and once you are on the other side of this you will be amazed at your strength. I will be thinking of you. Hugs, Dayna

You can do this. Pick one of these male relatives who knows about these things, and talk to him about it. I had to have major foundation work done on my house after my husband died, and this was way out of my league. I chose 2 companies from the yellow pages, got 2 bids, and then had my trusted younger neighbor talk to the "foundation man" and see if he thought the plan was OK. It is hard to take charge when you've always had your spouse there -- but you will be fine. Believe in your own ability. If your friends/relatives can't do the job, they probably know who can. More power to you!!
Doye

Maybe you can break down the move into separate steps, and deal with them one at a time to make the move seem less daunting. I know it's all a part of one big package but some things might be able to be shelved for later.

For instance, do you need to decide about the new deck right away? Maybe that can wait a little longer. Are you planning to have family build the deck with you, or a contractor (I think Hope Depot and similar stores will do these jobs) and if it's a contractor, they would be expected to use their own tools. They would probably purchase the building supplies as well and pass along the charges to you.

I am sorry you have to move. I hope the stress level around that becomes more manageable for you. And remember that you take your memories (and photos?) with you. Best wishes, Alice

I understand Kimmy, we all do. The loss is not only the person you love but the team you made and the life you built. You are going to feel overwhelmed for a while and from time to time. This is a big, big deal having to move so soon. I would rely heavily on family to make the move, even ask someone to basically be in charge of the details. I moved shortly after my husband died and luckily had a very capable son take care of the how so I just had to say when. I would just say don't be shy in asking for help.
Hugs,
Jean

I'm sorry you have to deal with this. No ideas, but I understand why it would be so hard. Good luck.

I agree with Alice... if you can wait on the deck, wait. You are already dealing with a very stressful move.

Angie's List is a great place to hire help. Read the reviews, get a few estimates and hire the person you feel most comfortable with. I got estimates for work from Home Depot and found someone who completed the same job for thousands less.

Kimmy ..I wish I knew the answer ...I have a move in my future and I have a 100 excuses not to...every home we ever moved in or out I did all the packing and unpacking by myself...my husband did the physical and I know I can pay someone to do that...I was the one that found the homes as well...when I made my mind up he came to give the final ok...he didn't like dealing with any of that stuff...I sold a home after he passed that was the home our kids grew up in that we were keeping as a rental...the day I walked in it.... it was horrible....I never saw the people who bought tho chose them because they were a young family...had a lawyer go to the close for me ...I just couldn't do it and I didn't want to ruin their happy day....what keeps me here is 2 things...the memory of us getting our fancy dream home..making some choices that were based on our oldie days that just wont ever be.....the 2nd is he died in our room....the way everything was positioned..our bed...the hospital bed.. when things got put back after....I sleep exactly where he died. It was never planned that way but it gives me comfort...I can so relate to the "leaving and not coming back"...I know one day I most likely close that bedroom door one last time.....I don't know what really defines an adult ..but what you have been dealing with has got to be up there that's for sure...sending you a big hug and prayers for the many choices yet to be......

My move did not happen so soon after Cliff died, but I did eventually move and sell the house and get rid of everything we owned. We lived in Florida when Cliff died, and I have since moved to England, so it has been a long, arduous process for me.

Anyway, you definitely need to be reaching out to whoever you have there for hands-on support. Be clear with them that you are still very much in the throes of the grief and know you need the help. If you have to, pay for help. Seriously.

As far as the house and all the little touches here and there -- take a ton of photos. Anything you have to get rid of, take photos. I basically had to sell, donate, give away, or toss all the evidences of our 30 years together. It was a terrible process, but necessary. Anything with any emotional content I photographed - like Cliff's guitars that I sold. Huge emotional weight those guitars....

Allow yourself ridiculous mementoes. You have a right to them. You have a right to be good to yourself. Some of the things I saved from our home may seem ridiculous to others, but they bring me comfort. I kept his guitar picks, for instance, and some of the small knick-knacks he kept on his computer desk. I have some of his letters and cards, and a few books, especially the ones he used to read to me when I had trouble sleeping. I still have his wedding shirt, which I sewed by hand (I didn't own a machine that year!). I have a right to some of my own history, not just his. So do you.

Hopefully, you do not have to do the same kind of complete clearing that I had to do. Will you be able to take things with you??

Hang in there, you can get through this. And I hope that b***hy SIL has her lack of kindness come back to haunt her someday. Karma they call that.....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Moving is definitely not easy and stressful. It took me several months to fix up and cleanup before I could sell my house. It took 3 days to sell it and a month to pack and moved out. I sold off, donated and gave away a lot of stuff. My daughter found a reliable mover through contacts she knew. I moved small things everyday after work. I took only what's meaningful with me and my bedroom furniture. I bought new living furniture. It still took 4 hours for the movers to move my stuff to the new tiny cottage that I called home now. As for feeling, I will always miss that home of ours. My husband had done almost all the landscaping, planted all the trees and flowers. On the other hand I felt relieved from worrying the mortgage payment, upkeep and property tax. I had stayed at the house for 2 years before making the big move. I hope you could find some help to assist you in this process. Hug.

Yes, stressful. My husband died in February and I decided very quickly to sell our family house and moved in my new apartment in August of the same year. I must say that I did not have to move, I did it because I could not cope with the upkeep of our old, old house.

I have no family here, bar my daughter who was grieving and could not help. So what I did was make extensive lists of what to do - I found it helped. Because I moved in premises half the size of my old house, I had to get rid of many things. I donated most things. I did it all alone, it was very hard but because at the time I was in some kind of "foggy" state of mind, it actually was some kind of buffer. I do admit that I made mistakes as to the disposal of our belongings (we were married 40 years) and now I sometimes regret having disposed of certain things, but they were only things. I kept my bedroom furniture but for the rest, I acquired new furniture. I kept all our artwork and meaningful possessions, the rest was disposed of.

I, too, went from my father's house to set up a home with my husband and I relied totally on my husband for all house and DIY matters. A bit of a shock. I have no male relative nearby at all so I rely on professional help.

Just do one thing at the time, things that can wait, can wait. Be kind to yourself, take time to grieve. Over two years on now, I know that moving has help me in the long run. There was my before life and now my now life,

I wish you courage, resilience and send you some hugs from across the seas.

It can be stressful depending on your age and other factors. I want desperately to move. When we bought this house, I begged and pleaded to buy a condo. We were 55 and 56 and we both had been married before. So here I am at 75 and still have a mortgage. We were married almost thirty years. I have a quad level with 27 steps and it is getting harder to climb those steps. I hope that you will be patient with yourself and look at this as a new beginning and a positive one.