Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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CorvetteCJ
CorvetteCJ
Hi Everyone. Thanks to Martha, she explained how to post on the main discussion board. I lost my husband to an abdominal aneurseym a little over two months ago. It was very sudden. We talked that morning, had breakfast and even took our dog to the vet. By afternoon, he was dead. I reached out to this support group because I dont have any family and very little in the way of support up here. We moved to a 10 acre farm in March of 2010, so my husband would be close to the little airport where he was helping build a two seater open cockpit experimental plane. I always wanted horses, which I have loved since a child, on my property. My dream was realized when last May I bought a beautiful palamino quarter horse and two miniature horses. My goal was to ride the big horse and learn to drive the two mini's. We had a cart and wagon built for this purpose. Now I feel like Im in a mess. When my husband was alive, it was hard but we were able to be a team and take care of this place. Now I just feel trapped. I sent the horses elsewhere to be taken care of for the winter, but in a few months, I have to decide whether I want them returned or not. Taking care of three horses is alot of work. I just want the best for them. I love my animals and its not their fault that the situation has changed. I know better than to make quick decisions right now. At least I am crying less. I want to thank all of you who have reached out to me already. God Bless You. Carole
lovelos
lovelos
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband and would like to welcome you to DS. You have come to a wonderful supportive place with people who understand what you are going through. Your whole life has been turned upside down in such a short time. One day at a time....I am sure you are overwhelmed....know we are here for you. You are in my thoughts and prayers, Hugs Lu Ann
cleodoggie
cleodoggie
Sorry for the loss of your husband. It sounds like you really love your horses but until you have to make a decision whether to have them back I would think of yourself and allow yourself to grieve. When the time comes you will know what to do. Drink lots of water so you don't dehydrate from the tears, eat well and sleep. If you find you can't sleep please see your doctor. Everyone here understands as we are all on the same journey. Big hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
Carole, so very sorry you are going through this. I lost my husband to cancer in Feb. 2011. I also live on a farm and have horses to take care of. I have 4 that my husband and I dearly loved. I worried that I would not be able to do this on my own, but I have managed quite nicely for almost a year now. My dear neighbor has helped me with hay and repairs on fences, but mostly I have taken care of things myself. I love my animals and so did my husband and I cant imagine not having them. I know you are overwhelmed right now, so was I at first, but hang in there and remember you have alot of support here for you. Nancy
deleted_user
deleted_user
Carole, so very sorry you are going through this. I lost my husband to cancer in Feb. 2011. I also live on a farm and have horses to take care of. I have 4 that my husband and I dearly loved. I worried that I would not be able to do this on my own, but I have managed quite nicely for almost a year now. My dear neighbor has helped me with hay and repairs on fences, but mostly I have taken care of things myself. I love my animals and so did my husband and I cant imagine not having them. I know you are overwhelmed right now, so was I at first, but hang in there and remember you have alot of support here for you. Nancy
deleted_user
deleted_user
Carole, so very sorry you are going through this. I lost my husband to cancer in Feb. 2011. I also live on a farm and have horses to take care of. I have 4 that my husband and I dearly loved. I worried that I would not be able to do this on my own, but I have managed quite nicely for almost a year now. My dear neighbor has helped me with hay and repairs on fences, but mostly I have taken care of things myself. I love my animals and so did my husband and I cant imagine not having them. I know you are overwhelmed right now, so was I at first, but hang in there and remember you have alot of support here for you. Nancy
deleted_user
deleted_user
Carole, my condolences on the loss of your husband. I know too well what you are going through, I also lost my husband, suddenly and unexpectedly from a brain aneurysm. The first 3months were an absolute torment for me. I could not believe what had happened, the shock of losing a healthy, strong and vibrant husband so suddenly, left me literally paralyzed with grief. I hope you have a good support system around you. You really need to feel you are not alone, try not to be alone all the time. If you don't have people to talk to, find some counseling, it really helps! I know some people can handle their losses better without the help of a counselor, but in our case, the shock is so great and it can last a lot longer if you don't know what to do. I'm at 5 months now and I'm starting to feel like myself again and I have accepted what has happened to me and that I'm here alive and must continue to live the best life I can. This board is great to vent and learn about grief and how others have survived and moved through it successfully. Everyone here is so caring and generous that you will feel amongst good friends. HUGS! Connie
deleted_user
deleted_user
Carole, my condolences on the loss of your husband. I know too well what you are going through, I also lost my husband, suddenly and unexpectedly from a brain aneurysm. The first 3months were an absolute torment for me. I could not believe what had happened, the shock of losing a healthy, strong and vibrant husband so suddenly, left me literally paralyzed with grief. I hope you have a good support system around you. You really need to feel you are not alone, try not to be alone all the time. If you don't have people to talk to, find some counseling, it really helps! I know some people can handle their losses better without the help of a counselor, but in our case, the shock is so great and it can last a lot longer if you don't know what to do. I'm at 5 months now and I'm starting to feel like myself again and I have accepted what has happened to me and that I'm here alive and must continue to live the best life I can. This board is great to vent and learn about grief and how others have survived and moved through it successfully. Everyone here is so caring and generous that you will feel amongst good friends. HUGS! Connie
deleted_user
deleted_user
Carole, my condolences on the loss of your husband. I know too well what you are going through, I also lost my husband, suddenly and unexpectedly from a brain aneurysm. The first 3months were an absolute torment for me. I could not believe what had happened, the shock of losing a healthy, strong and vibrant husband so suddenly, left me literally paralyzed with grief. I hope you have a good support system around you. You really need to feel you are not alone, try not to be alone all the time. If you don't have people to talk to, find some counseling, it really helps! I know some people can handle their losses better without the help of a counselor, but in our case, the shock is so great and it can last a lot longer if you don't know what to do. I'm at 5 months now and I'm starting to feel like myself again and I have accepted what has happened to me and that I'm here alive and must continue to live the best life I can. This board is great to vent and learn about grief and how others have survived and moved through it successfully. Everyone here is so caring and generous that you will feel amongst good friends. HUGS! Connie
Nicola37
Nicola37
Hello Carole
I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your husband, I too lost my partner suddenly 8 months ago. Coming here has been a live saver for me, in that whilst the outside world dont understand what you are going through, the people on here do. I would say, don't rush into any decisions yet, you've got time on your side, and as time goes on you may feel differently about what you can and can't cope with. I've wasted so much time worrying, that now I just think, nothing as devastatingly bad can happen to me anymore so why worry. I worried about how I would cope as a single parent, but I'm doing it. Another reason for not rushing, is you don't want to regret later. One of my partners model helicopters had been sent for repair before he died, and when the repairer got in touch after Ric had died, I just told him to keep the helicopter, what could I do with it? But now I wish I'd kept it for our son when he's older, but at the time, I had so much to deal with. Take one day at a time, and there is always bags of support here. Hugs Nicola
Nicker07
Nicker07
I am glad you found this sight. I too lost my husband unexpectedly, said goodbye put him on a plane to Colorado, he never came back died of sudden heart attack. Its been 17 months.

I live on 5 acres with 2 horses, 2 dogs, 2 cats and me. My friends in the beginning were great, came with hay (sold it to me half price and brought it to me) even now he sells it at discount to me, and if I need him to haul it our archery club group helps but so far I have been able with my Grandkids to go get hay with my horse trailer.

I originally grew up on a cattle ranch in Montana so love my horses, one is now elderly one mid age, and I plan on riding at age 61 almost 62 untl I am physically unable to. It would break my heart otherwise...so keep plugging away to keep my meangering going.
My horse is great therapy for me...So I hope you can manage - and feel they are worth the hassle and support for you.

I wish the best and remember right now with it being so new, you are in the stages of muddling through and struggling to find your way....Hugs to you
deleted_user
deleted_user
Welcome CJ. Truly sorry for the reason you are here, but glad you found your way here. This group is the best. I too lost my partner two months ago to Cancer. Even though we knew it was a definite possibility, I never really accepted that it would happen until it did. Being on this group, posting, and reading has helped a great bit.

I have always wanted to learn to ride horses and enjoy being around animals. We (still say we when it's just me...), we have two cats, and 14 fish. We made plans to have a house with property enough for a large garden and a backyard that may or may not have included a pool. We definitely wanted a bird of some kind and maybe to learn horseback riding. Connan's sister had a pony growing up...What I'm trying to get at is that animals are healing if you can handle it. You might want to consider downsizing the animals before doing away with them completely.

Good luck on your journey and let us know if you need anything.

-Drew
deleted_user
deleted_user
Carole, so sorry for your loss. My husband also died of an abdominal aneurysm 8 months ago, so I know the sudden shock and disbelief. You have come to the right place as there is so many caring, understanding and sympathetic people who have been there so they truly understand.
I was at 7 months before I found DS and it has made the world of difference for me and I just wishing I would have found them right from the start.
Please reach out whenever you need as there is always someone here to listen. Wishing you some peace and healing....hugs
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hello Carole,

Sympathy in the loss of your beloved. I am a recent widow as of 10/5/2011. This site has brought me much peace, friendship and advice. I read the posts for almost two months before actually responding.
We have 4 Chihuahuas that were my husband's daily companions. He took such good care of them and they loved him so. I often said to him, that if something should happen to one of us that we may need to find family members to take one or two of them. He blew a fuse and told me that I would break his heart if I ever displaced one of our pups! Naturally, I could not do this nor would I ever have "really" given it a second thought. However, the work is a lot more for me and time divided equally and fairly by 4 is all on me now. We have many other animals in addition to the pups. So this means getting up at 3:45am during the school week.....but going to bed at night around 8:00 with all four of them sleeping where my hubby slept is all worth it. Losing one of them would be like loosing a little part of him too. Prayers your way. Stephanie
deleted_user
deleted_user
Carole, Please let me also welcome you to this wonderful group of caring compassionate people. I am so very sorry for you loss, and the reason you are having to find it, and us.

I, too lost my husband and best friend Greg in Early February 2011. I found this wonderful place a few weeks later, and it has been my lifeline ever since. I hope the very same for you, as you will make many friends here. Friends who truly understand what you are going through, and have experienced it also. I am sure you are so many different emotions right now, all coming together into one big ball of confusion,. I was that way for me, and still is at times, but has become more a part of me as my sweet Greg is now a part of me.

I'm so sorry you also have to make such a big dicision as to the care of your beautiful horses. I hope that by spring you will have some help so you can keep them with you, as I know many people animals are also a very big part of who they are.

Any loss is tragic, and what you have described is heartbreaking. Although all loss is horrible, sudden loss I'm sure is devesating beyond belief. I lost greg suddenly also, but he also was ill for some time before. I am so very sorry for all the pain and the disbelief, and truama you are going through.

My wishes for peace, and helaing i the future, and please know that you are not alone going through thjis. You now have many friends.

HUGS of welcome Diane
wendywillow
wendywillow
As time goes on you will find wells of strength deep inside yourself. Right now you must feel confused and overwhelmed. That's normal. Not fun, but normal. Take baby steps each day. There is no rush to make decisions and in fact, whatever you decide today, you may just change your mind tomorrow. I did LOTS of that over the first year.

Welcome to this site. You will find compassion and support here. I don't know what I'd have done without this group.
Sending hugs