Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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1st Christmas

fish320
fish320
I find myself getting more and more agitated as Christmas approaches. At times I am so angry and at other times I am so unbearably sad. Sometimes at the same time. I put up some decorations but had no joy in doing it. To be honest I want nothing more than to pack it all away, and just forget it. I am going to be alone most of the holidays, which is compounding my loss even more. My husbands family have been less than supportive, judgmental about things I am doing. My step-daughter is supposed to be coming home and I am stressed out that she might want to come by, I have no interest in seeing her. She and her fianc have been unpleasant to deal with. I find myself suggesting to others struggling on here to be kind and patient with themselves, however I cannot do it myself. My heart hurts. I miss my husband so much. How am I going to get through Christmas? 2015 is a bag of mixed emotions already. On one hand I am glad this horrible year is going to be done, yet I have to face next year without him.....seriously I need my mind to stop with the swirling and twirling thoughts!
hgsdms
hgsdms
I hear you loud and clear. It is the same for me. We will get through this, and it will get easier in time. I think we have to do only what we really want to do. Personally I have turned down some party invitations and haven't even tried to explain. Just said "I can't" and let it go at that. True friends will understand and as for the others....it just doesn't matter. AZ hugs to you.
Ozzielass
Ozzielass
Its my first Christmas also and I have no feelings whatsoever towards it this time. My daughter wants me to be with her, but I do want to be left alone. i am so sorry for your loss and what you must be going through. My husband was taken by cancer unbeknowns to him so it was a real shock. I dont think i can handle people at this stage, family are too condescending and so called friends have just left me in the lurch. Hopefully next year we can pick our broken hearts up and start a new different path. My heart goes out to you. Val in Australia.
RichnMe
RichnMe
It's my first Christmas too. Just like you I don't feel a thing - I just want it to be over. Wasn't going to put up anything this year, but decided at the last minute to put up the village. Now it's just there - doesn't bring me any joy - but guess I should be happy it's not making me sad either. You are not alone - you can always come here for support and understanding. Do what you want to do and don't do anything you don't want. Who cares what anybody thinks - they have no idea what we're going through! This year has been so awful I can't wait for it to be over. Many hugs to you.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Its my first Christmas too with out my hubby. Not putting another up for Christmas I will be gone Christmas day.
I don't feel like put anything out . Its not the same any more.
Take care Hugs to you Vickie
onward1
onward1
It's my first Christmas without Paul. I don't feel like celebrating, but I'm going to make it nice for my kids. I could be up for an academy award after this....but I have to show my kids how to be a survivor.
dcheramie
dcheramie
add me to the "1st's" club as well..this is the first time in the last 24 years that i have not been happily hiding presents from my wife around the house so she won't find them and it's a horrible feeling..I keep seeing all of the commercials and couples shopping when i'm out..it's driving me mad..

November and December have always meant alot to us, but especially her ; I met her on her birthday, and by Christmas that year, i was having my first Christmas with her. She used to love to put on a Santa hat covered with package ribbons and hand-out presents to everyone. She had already started getting out our decorations, so there's some already setup in the front room. I cant bring myself to put them away..

My heart goes out to all of you, i also can't wait for this year to be over
rebl3157
rebl3157
No decorations for me. I gave them all away when I had to leave my home. All I kept was the tree and its in storage. Bought gifts for kids and grandkids I'm done.
deleted_user
deleted_user
My wife wasn't much for Christmas...we usually went to Vegas and enjoyed the decorations at the CASINOS!...Probably not how Jesus envisioned the celebration of his birth....
She had Christmas decorations that I always nagged her to put up...and she always did (supposedly reluctantly but I think she liked my wanting them up).....
1st Christmas without her so I'm planning on doing NOTHING. Everyone's different but I think that will be the best plan for me.
Kate28M
Kate28M
Deeply sorry for your loss...... I too am part of the 1st Christmas group!! I'm on 2 months on the 7th Dec. I feel the same as you not in the Christmas spirit, no need to "celebrate" I have not put up nor will I any decorations. I am sorry you do not have the support from family that you so desperately need right now. Just know all us "1st Christmas" will be thinking of you and each other on Christmas day and hope none of us have to bear that day alone!! I too am glad for this year to end but filled with emotions and anxiety for the new year as its the first year without my Manny.......I pray for strength for us all, we all deserve and need it especially with the impending days coming.......
Rainbow27
Rainbow27
I have just decided also to take a pass this year. Just go with the feelings and not push it. Haven't we all been through a very difficult year. I came home late last night and oh my gosh all the Christmas lights on my street. My house dark and no decorations. I am putting something on my door and taking a pass on doing lights. Glad to turn the calendar on 2014.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Gosh l certainly hear you! Im in Australia This Christmas will be my first also. My husband died very suddenly this April just gone, the initial shock of his death from everyone was support for me but was like it had an expiry date, friends and family who l thought would be there for me, l haven't heard from in months, l have had my husbands business to keep going plus my own. l was once such a level headed person now l have just a massive roller coaster of emotions swirling around in my head. l just want this year to be over. My husbands birthday was yesterday and it was like l was back to square one again. l have done no Christmas shopping yet or even interested in it to be honest.l normally have organised what I'm going to cook and my husband always would help on the day. l lost my mum 10 years ago and thought that was hard but not compared to losing my husband, soulmate the person that was my strength! I'm thankful for having my 23 year old and 20 year twins, but they have their lives and don't want to lean on them too much!
soalone2to1
soalone2to1
1st Christmas alone for me too. No decorations for me this year either. Thought about the special ornaments we collected over the years and can't face them. Will be alone Christmas Day but I'm ok with that. It can just be another day that way. No shopping, presents, baking this year. Cannot stand listening to the music in the stores and seeing the couples together. Too sad. Anxious about the new year as it marks the real start of my first year without him in my life. That makes it real. Wish everyone here as much peace as they can find this holiday season.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Add me to the first Christmas without group. It's been 50 days since my wife Andrea passed and I don't really care about the holidays. I proposed to her Christmas eve 1999 after being together for 5 years. I miss her so much already I can't imagine how that day will be. I'll keep plugging away because that's what she would want,her mantra was "NEVER GIVE UP". Love to you all.
dschwartz
dschwartz
Hi all . . . I am left in literally in tears for all of the "sadness" in our broken hearts. I've shut down emotionally just trying to get through another day. No time for tears, yet I know they are an important part of the healing process. So in a strange way, thank you for bringing my tears to the surface today. I am experiencing so much of what is being shared here . . the loneliness (even when not alone), the unbearable mask I must put on to be around others, I've become an island unto myself. As a dear friend and member on this site said to me recently, "we have become lepers" to others that are not experiencing this journey. They simply can't relate . . and that's okay. As for Christmas . . it's a horrid month this year, as I am also part of the 1st Christmas without Club. I put out a few bowls of ornaments and a wreath. Keeping it simple. My sincere and deepest empathy is with all of you. WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS! Just not soon enough. Round of hugs, Dayna
Community LeaderShrn
Shrn
Your first Christmas holiday without them is definitely a hard one. Christmas was 6 months after my husband died and I couldn't stand the thought of it. I was attending an hospice support group at the time and everyone felt the same. I remember writing him a letter telling him how much I needed him with me and how hard it would be to have Christmas at our daughter's without him. Then I went and ate and excused myself early. I didn't decorate or play Christmas music. I just did what I could for my children and took care of me.

So much made me angry back then. The world was moving on and my life felt like it had ended. My thoughts are with each of you. Sharon