Hi Again,

Edith thank you for posting. My sister came up with an idea for celebrating Christmas that is giving me some joy. We are buying for a family in need, rather than exchanging gifts between the adults. This seems perfect for me and something my husband would have loved. Focusing on and giving to others will take some of the sting out of the loss.

I am so dreading the holidays this year, my first without my husband. I offered to work for one of the girls that has a family gathering planned. I think I will feel much better working that day then spending the day alone with memories. It is going to be tough either way though.

Sharmlynn: The suggestion of helping a family in need is such a great idea.

My mother, nice and I each choose a name off a tree at a local business last year. These names for a Nursing Home nearby...so many people forget the elderly. We each made a gift box of their needs and added in a few little extras...and it felt so good to do something for someone else to bring joy into their life.

I lost my husband end of July 2010 those first holidays are the toughest to me. You reminisce on what you did with them one last time. I did not decorate just a few little things out to say happy holidays to whomever came over. It was quiet and I kept to myself which I wanted to do - and I fought being depressed moved around my place reading, doing things for me....I did make sure I DID something good for me though.

I think its still going to be sad but not quite as dramatically sad this year. I am getting better at saying "Well Roger if you were here I can imagine what you would be doing "FIRST eating...!!!"
I sure miss having him here to enjoy someone to share those times. My kids are so busy with their families and such its not the same without your partner but its one of those things you muddle through. NO right or wrong in any of your feelings or doings...

Christmas was always a Big Deal at Our Home. Big Tree, Lots of Lights, Lots of Gifts, first for the Kids and then the Grandkids. He liked that alot and so did I. I was His Sole Caregiver and Last Christmas, I was doing for Him on an Hourly, basis, ( He Died in January ) but I made sure, I got everything, done, for Christmas, just like I always had. When I got all done, I Switched on all the Lights and He said, " You Worked so Hard and Everything, looks so nice. I Appreciate, that. Thank You " I don't know if I will be at Home for Christmas, but if I am, I will do it all the same. The Tree will be up, the Holly, will be on the Mantle and the Christmas Music, will be on. He would like that.

I remember last New Year's Eve and sitting there in the living room just watching tv with my husband thinking, I don't want ANYTHING to do with this night because I cannot celebrate the year that I'm going to lose him. Less than 2 months later (end of Feb) he was gone.
I cannot fathom the holidays that are coming up this year and I'm sure there are going to be tons of discussions on this website as how we are all going to handle them! I just pulled out the fall decorations and I put up a few things, but Christmas, that's going to be a whole different ball game! Ugh!! It's gonna suck!

It's been almost two years since Mike passed and the only thing that truly gets me through the holidays is my 4 year old grandson, so if you have access to children, surround yourself with them. I can't be sad when I'm around my precious grandson who only knows how to love unconditionally. He's the one who makes me smile.

I have to say that if wasn't for my grandchildren, I don't know what I would do with the holidays. I loved the holidays, putting out fall decorations, beginning shopping in October, planning parties and family gatherings at my house, decorating for Thanksgiving and then Christmas. But, when my husband died on Dec. 10, 2008, it all changed. This year will be the third holiday season without him. The first one was a blur. My kids came home the weekend before he died and stayed through Christmas. We buried him on Dec 14 and then focused on making Christmas for my 2 year old grand daughter and somehow got through the holidays. The first year after his death I had a new grand daughter born on Dec 5 to focus on and that helped. Last year I spent Thanksgiving going through his stuff with my children which was difficult and then Christmas with the grand kids. I don't enjoy the holidays like I did before. Each year I gather new memories that I hope will help the next year. Focusing on my grand kids has helped a lot. However, it's like the joy died when Jim died. I hope someday it will come back and that I will once again love the holidays.

For all you experiencing your first holiday season without your spouse, all I can say is this too shall pass. There is no getting around how difficult it is.