Unfortunately, I don't have any advice as I'm coming up on my first holidays and his birthday without Brian. However, Brian was sick for a long time and last year I remember looking at him and wondering if this would be my last Christmas Day that I would be with him and a month later he was gone.

Brian loved the holidays more than me, so I'm planning on a quiet season and I'm not planning on decorating. The festivities won't be at my house.

I hope we all make it through our year of firsts. I am looking forward to reading other replies to your message.

Nessie from KY

My heart goes out to all of you who are facing your first holiday season without your spouse. Last year was my first, and I truly dreaded it. However, the dreaded anticipation was much worse that the reality. I made sure I had plenty of loved ones around me for the festivities, and although it was so very sad, it was not as terrible as I had feared. I pray that each of you receives some peace this holiday season. I feel your pain.
Kathleen

I understand your dread. I went through the same emotions last eyar as it was my first Christmas without him.

I did not put up a tree or decorate as usual. I just simply could not do it. I did put out some pieces from a pottery collection that has snowmen on them...but i kept thinking of them as WINTER decorations and not holiday ones. Christmas and Thanksgiving were at my mom's so that was less painful.

This year I am in a hew home and I am promising myself that I will put up a tree. I am not putting it in the main rom...I am putting it up in a front bedroom that has a big pallidium window...this way it can be seen on the street but not by me all the time.

I have friends encouraging me to have an Open House for the new house duringthe holidays but I am not sure I am ready for that.
i

Holidays are rough, there is no way around that!!! Halloween was the last holiday I spent with my husband, he died two nights before Thanksgiving last year. I do not remember Thanksgiving or Christmas from the last year, the grief was too new, and we were in such pain. So facing the holidays this year is rough. But, I will do the best I can for the kids. We will carve pumpkins, eat turkey, and put up a tree. Anything else?? Well we will see. I agree, this is a nightmare, but all we can do is our best and move forward, always move forward. Lots of hugs, Dawn

Even at 2 1/2 years I have trouble thinking of the holidays. Even Halloween when the grand kids come over and trick or treating. Hopefully this year will bring good memories with less pain. Maybe I will even put up the tree something I haven't done since Jim died. I hope that everyone here will find their way through the holidays the best that they can.

This will be my second holiday season without Donna. I went to my daughters last year for the holidays and that helped because I was with my grandson of 4 years old then. I still had to go home at night and that was the toughest. Donna loved Christmas and decorating and having family and friends over and I can't do that. I won't decorate this year. Dawn is right all we can do is our best. Just remember that we all have a family here at DS.
Hugs
Ralph

I am also not looking forward to the holidays. My husband died the Tuesday after Thanksgiving but he had been in the hospital since Nov. 10. He was unconcious and things did not look good. We went to my mom's for Thanksgiving, but it was definitely not a celebration. My daughter's birthday was the week before my husband died and she was actually born on Thanksgiving day so her birthday (Nov. 23) falls on Thanksgiving day some years. It is such a mixed feelings time of year. Christmas was a blur last year. I put up a tree, but only because my children wanted things to be as "normal" as possible. If it weren't for my children, I would have skipped the whole thing. I hope this year is a little easier. I will try for my children's sake. Thanksgiving will be at my house. My sister and her husband are coming as well as my mom and stepdad. I wish us all peace as we make it through this holiday season. Hugs, Diane

Thank you all for your replies. I keep hearing from my family, friends and children that i have family, but I know Peter loved the holidays and he was like a big kid and i just want them to be over. I hope that you all fine peace, one day at a time, one foot in front of the other. My anniversary was yesterday, it was hard to be without him, but here is a new day...Gloria

I lost my husband in November of last year. I can`t even remember the holiday season last year. I just remember the relief I felt when it was over. I am dreading the coming of these special occasions this year as well. My family and friends feel enough time has passed that I should be doing better by now. I try to keep my feelings hidden when I am around them because I know they just want me to be happy again. I am so thankful for the DS members here who understand how difficult these special occasions are for us. Sending you my prayers and hugs Lu Ann

My husband went in the hospital on the day after Thanksgiving last year. By his birthday on Dec. 18th he was on a ventilator. We spent Christmas in the hospital and he passed away on New Year's Day. I also am dreading the holidays this year--I can't imagine how I will survive them, let alone enjoy them. I'm not sure I will be able to decorate at all, it was such a big time of year for us--every room was decorated. I guess we were just like so many other families, the holidays have so many special memories, it's hard to imagine those special holidays without him here. You are so right, it is indeed a nightmare, one that we don't wake up from, a real nightmare. I keep clinging to the hope that I will find it's not as bad as I anticipate. I guess we just pray for each other and keep looking to those who have survived it before us for encouragement. I promise to pray for each and every one of us going through that first holiday season, that God will grant us peace and comfort to get through it.

My husband was buried the day before Thanksgiving last year, Christmas was sort of a blur. I have decided to spend Thanksgiving out of town at my sisters, can't do it here. I will attend my husband's family Christmas Eve and my son's on Christmas Day because these events are important to my kids and grandkids. I will not be decorating or cooking or putting up a tree. I feel those days are over at least for the next few years. I don't care who doesn't like it. I am not being festive when I don't feel festive. I would like to go to sleep on October 1st and wake up right after Easter if I had my way. I do not care if there is never another holiday.

Pat died on aug 1, I made it through his birthday on sept.16, Halloween was never that big of a deal except when the kid's was little.Christmas is my favorite time of year,I love fall and winter,spring is ok and now I definitely hate summer! Pat would want me to carry on our Christmas traditions,he would be upset if I didn't.We live in the smokies and in this area you could say we have Christmas 5 months out of the year,as it is a tourist area.So I will have Christmas and all the food and decorations and the tree up,yes I will probably cry and wish he was with me,I know he will be in spirit and I will do this in his memory and to make him proud and to keep the kid's happy.I have to go to MS to see family on the 23rd of Dec,that's when I will be the saddest cause I have to go by his grave and put flower's on it,that will be the worst part of the holidays,but,he will be with me and so will God and I will make it through as we all will somehow. Blessing's to All

Hi,

My husband and I used to have very large and fun Halloween parties. I always liked Halloween and he joined me with the celebrating when we got married. I gave most of the stuff that I had to a couple with children who host a children's Halloween party every year. I honestly just do not care about decorating at all and I used to love it. I have not put up a Christmas tree either, since he died. My heart is just not in it and I do not entertain (no children) at my house for Christmas (go to my sister's during that week). It was all different when he was alive. We often hosted Christmas dinner for my family and I would spend a week decorating just our tree, not to mention other rooms in the house. As I said, I used to love it, but now it just seems like a chore, so I do not do it. I would have to do things differently if we had had children, but as it is, I just stopped doing all the seasonal decorating.

I always have thanksgiving for my family. I wish I could not do anything, but i know that my husband loved the holidays, and he would not want it to stop. Although it will be my first holiday season without him, I will probably have Thanksgiving and ask God to get me through it. Peter would be upset if i just stopped doing the things we both loved to do. I know it will be difficult, but I also know I will get through it. God bless you.

My husband died quite suddenly on Dec. 16 so I don't remember too much about Christmas last year. I am going to concentrate on making my home cosier for me and on doing whta I can through donations to help those who are too poor, sick or sad to have a holiday. I know I'll probably have some rough times and you can believe I'll be on DS.