I know it's easier said than done but you have to take care of you. If there are lots of things that need to be done..like reminders for car repairs..bills just tons of all that I found a free app called color note it helps keep me organized on that stuff and using the calendar in my phone for reminders. The emotional stuff needs to be let out at times..counseling..prayers..journals..friends...posting here..those are all helpful. Listen to your body..when it's exhausted let it rest ...when you find yourself emotionally exhausted you must rest that as well..one moment at a time

Hi,
I would suggest making a list of all the things you need to do, then number them by importance. Put things on a calendar, and maybe make a separate list for daily tasks. Do things at your own pace, it will get easier.
Eric

Hi, I too have been feeling awful about not getting enough done. I didn't want my husband's children to feel I was a slacker and I kept hearing my late husband saying that I would let everything go to hell after he was gone. Finally, my daughter-in-law asked me why I was pushing so hard to do everything at once. She said that just because someone died I didn't immediately have to clean out the house and/or get it ready to sell. Her take on it really helped me to stop whipping myself and trying to get every project going at the same time. I just needed a little sanity on this and she gave it to me. So while bills have to be paid and other things must be done, I'm trying to remember that some projects can just wait for next year. Also, I definitely recommend you talk to your doctor about your anxiety. As you'll read everywhere, some folks do need medication just during the period of mourning. Remember, your buddys on this board are pulling for you and cheering you on!

Hi Heartbroken...
It's been two years and I'm still cleaning, de-cluttering, giving away some of my LH's things... There's 50+ years of life accumulated, and I've accepted that I cannot deal with it all in one day, one month, one year. Just need time, and time to realize what I really want to keep, and what to divest.
I also accepted lots of help - still do. sometimes having a friend de-clutter and sort is great. As I'm doing HIS things, I'm also working on some of mine and the kids.
take care, xo Jacuzzi

Many people here have already suggested a lot of good ideas. I have a very demanding full time job so I am feeling overwhelmed much of the time. I just want to let you know that that feeling is normal, and I am sure everyone here has been through or is being through that feeling at this moment. You are not alone. I am dealing one thing at a time. Start with a little thing...Every long match starts with a small step. Tiger

27 months for me. It does get easier. I promise. But I too still get overwhelmed Take care of yourself first. Sandee

I feel over whelmed too. I pray a lot. I think God and I are on a first name basis now. Come here every day. It helps too.

Make PRIORITY LISTS...
Number one......TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF: ..emotionally, spiritually and physically,
Then go from there!!! Main Things First and everything else can wait.
I am sorry you are overwhelmed. You Will Get a Through This!
We will all support you,
Sandra

One thing that is hard to do is to stop holding yourself to such high expectations. Sometimes when I'm feeling extremely pressured and stressed these days, I just think a minute about what it is that is stressing me. And so many times it's some deadline or obligation that I created in my mind, instead of something I really need to do.

So I recommend deep breathing when you're feeling overwhelmed, and then trying to think about what exactly it is that is pushing you over the edge. For instance, I get these plans in my mind about cleaning out our closet and donating my dear husband's beautiful suits, then I get worked up about where to donate, etc.etc., then I stop and think -- they can keep hanging in the closet, no hurry, no pressure. So my self-imposed pressure evaporates.

I hope you feel better soon!

Heartbroken . . . there's already a plethora of good advice here previously posted. I would just add: "Ask for help"! This was a hard one for me as I've always been fiercely independent, a control freak and liked things "my" way. I've had to learn to ask for help. I don't always get it, but when I do, I find that it alleviates a lot of the overwhelming feelings of having to do all by myself . Without extra help the overwhelming emotions would turn to panic, exhaustion, frustration, anger and depression (just to name a few). Neighbors? Friends? Family? Co-workers? Utilize your network if possible.

I'll be thinking of you and sending extra strength your way. Hugs, D

You can only do so much. Try to balance the things you must do with what your constitution can handle at this time, it'll be less than everyone is used to for a while. People and things can wait, if you have a nervous breakdown, they will just have to wait longer. Neither is there a prize at the end for wearing yourself out pleasing everyone. I learned that while my husband was still alive and well. It dawned on me when I noticed I was the only one struggling to keep ahead of things, meaning I never saw anyone else working that hard and they always had an excuse as to why they couldn't. Time to make an excuse list of your own.

Hi. I am very sorry for your loss. This is a great place to share and learn. I also only post a few times here and there but I read almost daily.and it has helped me tremendously. There will be bad days. It just happens. Something triggers it and bam off I go into a sadness that I cannot seem to explain. But it subsides. And each time it seems that the waves are a little smaller and I feel myself gaining control over the waves so that they do not overwhelm me. This is not to say that my grief is any less or that I am any less sad, but I am not as paralyzed as I was during the first few months.

I understand the feeling of being overwhelmed. There is just so much that two people used to cover that it seems impossible to do just by yourself. But it will work. I live by lists. I have a calendar for all of my kids practices, concerts, appointments, parties etc. I also make a weekend list . A smaller, three day calendar. Sometimes I even need a list for one day. Ha!

And I do ask for help. Probably not as much as I should because I've always been the "just get it done" person. But when I do ask people are usually very willing to.

I'm also 10 months, and again, I'm really sorry for your loss.

Heartbroken, I'm at 13 months and it does get easier but I still get that overwhelmed feeling too. When I do, I ask myself "does this have to be done today?" and if the answer is "no" than I don't do it if I don't want to. I am probably going to end up a very spoiled old lady! Except for paying bills, putting gas in the car, and taking care of any animals you might have, do only what you WANT to do. I will sometimes even stop in the middle of a job such as vacuuming and play a game on my tablet or computer for a few minutes! Big AZ hugs to you. Come to this site often.......there are woderful and wise people here. They have all helped me tremendously (and still do).

I don't care what gets done in the house....dust, vacuuming...pphhhfffttt.

I do a little laundry, very little as it is only me and just enough food in the house that I don't starve. I have little to no interest in what goes on around me.

I just do what I can.......

Jen

I am sorry you are feeling overwhelmed, but I want you to know there is nothing wrong with you -- it is very very common to go into overwhelm at 9-11 months. We keep thinking 'I should be okay by now and have it all sorted and fixed' - but the reality is that it will take longer than that. We do put unnecessary pressure on ourselves, on top of those things that are required of us. Please give yourself some room, and don't be too hard on yourself. I know, easier said than done.

I had always used my calendar and lists, working in the law meant those were necessary, but after Cliff died, it became very important that I did those for myself. I was great at keeping others organized, now I had to keep myself organized. I put on my calendar when bills have to be paid, and anything else that was coming up. When I get overwhelmed and tired I can get forgetful, so I needed the reminders. It did help until I felt stronger and clearer headed,

I know this will sound silly, but are you eating healthy? I find that if I don't eat a healthy diet, I pay for it with stress, sleep problems, exhaustion. I try to eat balanced meals, and I added vitamins to my daily routine. Grieving and trying to do the work of two people wipes you out, so it helps to take care of yourself physically. My thinking is clearer, and I feel more productive when my body is healthier.

It will get easier, it's going to take some time and effort, but you will be okay. Honest. It is hard going right now, I am sorry it is, but it won't always be this hard. If you can take a little break, that might help. If you can't, then try to find a few minutes each day to get a change of scenery and clear your head. I used to walk on my coffee breaks, for example. 10-15 minutes of fresh air and exercise would help me de-stress and get through the day, and seemed to help my sleep improve, too. Just a thought.

Hope this helps.

Love and Hugs,
Martha