First, let me assure you that this is perfectly normal. I agree with your description of the first and second year is the way I would describe my experience. You are redefining or discovering yourself and it's good. Just keep doing what you are doing and you will find what you need to be happy whether it's with another person or alone. Remember, you don't need another person to bring you happiness, you have it in you already to share. Sharon

It's been 18 months for me too. I am in a relationship with a very nice widow, I think it helps both of us to understand each other when grief episodes are experienced. I have said this before, I look at the new relationship as sharing a lifeboat with a great person, but always remembering the shipwreck and wishing it had not happened. Both of us are forever changed, filled with memories of our past lives, but not ready to give up on having some happiness in the rest of our lives. This is what is working for me, though I realize a new relationship is not the answer for everyone. Each of us has to choose the path that is best for us whether it is alone or with another.

Russ we are very similar timeframe. I feel very similar to your description. Although I haven't step into the dating world yet I am now open to meeting someone although not a priority at this point. I still am working on redefining this new life and that is lots of work itself. Like you I have moved through the survival stage of grief and cant believe I am still standing. For me I believe the next year will be a big transitional point where I move away from the grief and toward a productive life. I am starting to feel like myself again and I havent felt that way in a long time. Hope is back in my life and with that all things are possible. Like you said I wish none of us had to do this journey. Wishing you peace my friend. Gerry P.S For me a big turning point was when I realized moving forward does not mean moving away from your spouse because you always carry them in your heart

Russ, when I read your post my first thought was relief that someone else like I am feeling now! It has been 15 months for me. Yes, the overwhelming grief and pain have subsided somewhat but oh the loneliness! It would be so good to not be the extra person when going out with friends (and I am blessed to have them). I'm not thinking in terms of a romantic relationship...my late husband would be a tough act for anyone to follow...but it would be nice to have someone to go to dinner with or "even out" the numbers when socializing with a group. And yes, I understand the feeling of having one foot in the past and the other in the scary present and uncertain future...

It's so great to hear your thoughts on this. I'm almost at 22 months. So lonely, but not ready for a relationship, if ever.
The second year was difficult in different ways. Reality set in, shock was gone. This is my new life. Now what am I going to do about it?
I don't want to waste time, I want to be useful and happy.
So I'm figuring out who I am and what to do after 40 years married. I'm still relatively young and healthy. I want to live, not exist! No family here, so I must make friends, which I have. Now find my likes and ways to fill my time usefully!
Good luck and peace to you all!
Maureen

I have met someone that has shown me that I can open my heart again. We are in a friendship for now until I am ready to go on to a more serious relationship. I am very surprised that only after four months that I have the ability to step towards a full life again. I loved and continue to love Michael with my whole heart and that will never change. Mike is tucked safely within me and I am his legacy to our children and will be the story teller of our life together. Being a widow is hard, (I hate the word widow,) in that there seems to be so many unwritten rules to what should be done and when it should be done. It seems that the one thing that we all have in common is being lonely and feeling like a third wheel. I have to ask myself why is it that we need to be lonely. I know that the heart is fragile after the death of a spouse and my heart is no exception. I plan to take a new relationship very slowly and just enjoy getting to know a kind a sweet gentle man just as I need to get to know myself. Michael would understand my need to go on with my life and he would be very disappointed if I did not. Life is precious and as we know all too fragile. My biggest goal for my life is to live a full kind and productive life. It feels so good to see more than a glimmer of light. Oh so good.
Kymberly

I am with you Kymberly. I lost my fiance on May 5th, and I went on my first date this past week. It was a little intimidating, but at least it was a step. I am so tired of being sad. I decided I need to focus on ME and my wants and needs. I would love to have my old life back but it is gone. I only have memories, and I will cherish those forever. But it is time to start living again not just existing, as someone else said. I know that I do not want to grow old alone.

Hi Russ - Yes, I agree that I wish none of us were going through this. I am currently in a relationship. I really don't know if that is the answer. I think I moved too fast. Good luck to you though! We are all strong!