Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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ECochran 01/02/2011

I am new to the group too. I joined mid December. I lost my husband on 10/25/10. We were married for 23 years and together 27 years. I found comfort joining this group and God bless you all. My friends do not understand what i am going through and I really cannot blame them. Their lives go on but mine stopped when Greg passed away. I live but I am not alive! I feel so empty and lonely all the time. I feel guilty passing my time away going shopping. It is the only thing I liked doing alone. I never forced my husband to go but we did enjoy going together occassionally. You can do only so much shopping but it keeps mind occupied. I find myself more in pain looking at his pictures because it only reminds me he is no longer here. I also cannot decide whether to move out of our existing home. We only rented it back after we lost it to a short sale. He loved here so much. Although our memories here were great but at the same time its so painfull too. I dont know how much longer I can afford to stay here, I am no longer employed. I got laid off 12/10/10 after being with my company for 15 years. I did not feel that pain only because of my grief for my husband was greater. I wonder if anyone would rent to me without a job? I am receiving unemployment and Social Security for my daughter. Should I just wait things out or start looking to move? Someone told me some will rent to me if I paid in advance a few months.
Edie

Christine26 01/02/2011

I am so sorry for your loss and can feel your pain and know what you are going through and know that you are in the right place. It has been said that it is not good to jump up and move in the first 6 months to one year. Regrets may be there. You may decide later it was a rash decision. I am also sorry for the loss of your job in this economy. I know it must feel like the rug was pulled out from you, but you and your daughter will make it. Are there groups in your area that are support groups that you can join for you and your daughter? If you can swing the rent I would say stay where you are, but you can see what others say. Can you get SS from him and unemployment? Please keep us posted . My prayers and thoughts go out to you.

songsofthenight 01/02/2011

so sorry for everything you are going through...it's not an easy path we all are walking...not sure what to tell you, as I don't know anything for sure, would seem like if you have the money to rent (unemployment and SS) you'd have no problem renting. Don't know, can they ask about who your employer is? I'm sure someone in here will know...

deleted_user 01/02/2011

First thing it seems you must do is curb your shopping. You need the money for the rent. Try to stay where you are as long as you can. You may find work before you find you need to move.

I don't know how long I can afford to keep my home either, but I'm going to hold onto it as long as I can.

deleted_user 01/02/2011

So sorry for your loss. Too many things to think of all at once, and you are in shock too. Give yourself time to tackle one thing at a time, and it won't be so overwhelming. It's like an avalanche I know, and you want to ''fix'' everything, I understand. Make a list (I'm not being trite )- it helps focus the big things from the little things - although everything seems big and your head is swimming - I've been there, and still get that way sometimes now. Take care of your body - try to eat right and sleep. You are on this site which is the best . God bless you at this difficult time.

deleted_user 01/02/2011

i am so sorry for what you are going through. Try to curb the shopping though that is one of the things I did and now i am going through a lengthy bankruptcy. I know it make you feel better it did and still would make me feel better but only for a short time then the guilt for spending the money you don't have sets in. It is very hard to deal with everything but I am here and so is everyone here if you need us.

deleted_user 01/02/2011

Know the feeling of shopping as if trying to buy back happiness........keep posting ........your grief is raw right now and you are being bombarded with so much change............get someone you trust to sit down with you and help you figure out what might be best right now.............keeping us all in prayer............
L

ECochran 01/02/2011

Yes you are right about shopping is trying to buy happiness. Guilt is setting in because my husband would never buy himself anything. He always went without and put mine or the knds needs first. He said I deseerve better then what he could provide for us. He felt bad about being unemployed for almost a year. He so desparately wanted to find work. We always made it through. I always told him we were fine and we always made it through with what we had. I was happy with him no matter what. I am just so overwhelmed. I am having such a hard time right now. I am just so desparate to have him back. I just want his whole presence back. I miss him so much. I was maybe thinking moving would take the pain away too.

deleted_user 01/02/2011

I am so sorry for what you are going through. As if the loss of a partner is not enough in itself.

I can't offer you any advice as I don't know anything about the system in your country - other than to say try to delay any major decisions for as long as possible. I understand that some issues can't wait - but the longer you can delay things the more likely that you will be a little further through the fog.

Hugs
Debbie

laurabp 01/03/2011

I am so sorry for your loss and also for the job loss. I agree with the others that it would be unwise to move at this time, and you would still feel the pain, no matter where you live. I would concentrate on getting a job first, and figure out what your income is going to be; then you will able to realistically plan a move if that is what you want to do. Also if your daughter is school age, you probably won't want to have her transferring to another school district the the middle of the year. Try some other activities besides shopping. Maybe there is a new club or hobby you could try which would get you out and enable you to meet new people and make new friends. Try to take one step at a time. Hugs, laurabp

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