Not much help from me. I just gave up on sleep and don't fight it any longer. Awake or sleep 2 hour shifts, just the hateful new normal. Seems easier for me to just go with the flow and adjust.
That is one of the things DS is for... late nighters..
If I medicate, just twice as bad the next night and day.

Never heard of hamster brain before, must be contagious on this site. I caught it the first time here. Peace to all Bob

Hi ice,

What I did was move were I slept. I started sleeping on the couch the night my Bella passed. its took a few months but I could get about four or five hours in.. I cant' lay in our bed, caused to many memories to come up.

Not a sure fire cure but one worth trying...hope this helps

I fall asleep on the couch watching tv. Keep waking/sleeping, waking/sleeping. Then I drag into the bedroom hoping, I'll stay asleep. But the minute I hit the pillow, my eyes pop open and then - hamster brain - (thanks for that great term Marjoe).. I won't sleep on Bill's side of the bed as a matter of respect or something? Just waiting for him to come back to his spot where he belongs?
I saw what meds did to Bill as he was dying...........so I won't take any medication. Have tried a body pillow, hot water bottle, hot tea, hot cocoa, reading, music, radio, open window.......................
Usually, I get about 6 hrs sleep every third night so that's where I'm at so far.
Hamster brain..................that's the most troubling thing for me and that's the advice I'm truly seeking.
Thanks all for any more suggestions.................

Oh the elusive sleep! I love the hamster brain metaphor. I can't recommend the medications, as most of them make me feel like I'm having an out of body experience. I keep a sprial notebook with me at all times (with my glasses so I always know where it is at) and when my brain gets to active, I write down what is going on in there (chores, projects, etc). I also have a journal at my bedside so I can write letters to him when I find myself talking to him. I feel like if I can put it on paper I can get it out of my brain.
I also have a hot tub that works well (Martha you should try it). Some nights its hot tea that relaxes me, some nights a beer.
I'm not much of a "pill" person, but in an effort to fight off the hot flashes, one year post hysterectomy, I finally gave in and started taking the hormones...it has also worked for the sleep (when I remember to take them)!
I've also just found a new routine to go with my new life: power nap some afternoons; bedtime late, I can sleep a couple of hours; and the best sleep is from 4-7 a.m. My body has just gotten used to it.
Thanks to all for the suggestions - I have something new to try.

Sleeping problems must be very common among those who have lost a spouse. I've always been a light sleeper but now I rarely sleep more than 4 hours at a time. My Dr. put me on a very low dose of xanax, to take when I feel it's necessary to get more sleep. I can sleep with it's help for maybe 5 hours so it helps but I don't take it every night but I also don't want the poor sleeping habits to exagerate other health issues. The hamster on the wheel is very realistic descriprion of what happens. Your head just won't stop long enough for you to relax enough to sleep. I hope in the long term things will get better. Good luck

I found various things that were natural that helped as I was (and am) reluctant to rely on drugs. We've had a few discussions about this, so I may be repeating myself for some of the old-timers, but here are a few thoughts:

One of the simplest ways to help you sleep is chamomile tea, it really relaxes you and there are no harmful side effects and no hangover feeling the next day and no drug interactions that I have been able to find. Warm milk or cocoa works for some people, but I'm moderately lactose-intolerant so I can't do cow's milk - I sometimes drink soy milk and that helps. Turkey meat has a high tryptophan content, and tryptophan is a natural sedative/relaxer, so a late night snack of turkey can help. (Now you know why everyone nods off after Thanksgiving dinner.)

NOTE: Regular tea has caffeine in it, so while it can calm you, it won't help you sleep.

Most women need additional calcium and don't get enough of it. In addition to my regular vitamin, I take extra Calcium with Vitamin D. Calcium helps regulate nerve and neuro functions, besides all the good stuff it does for your bones, and Vitamin D helps combat depression. This helps.

Life style changes: No caffeine after 3:00 p.m. The only sweets I can handle after dinner is ice cream; anything heavier/sweeter than that and my sleep is disrupted. I found I awoke weeping due to the rises and drops in my blood sugar.

I redecorated my bedroom in a soothing color (for me anyway) in pale shades of purple (lilac, lavender). I had to redecorate my room to change it from "our room" to "my room", especially as Cliff died in our bed. I have never been able to sleep on his side of the bed. Not even now. You might want to think about replacing the bed, too. You might be able to just rearrange the furniture so that it stops looking like the room you expect him to be in. Cliff was part of my bedroom landscape for 30 years - the room didn't seem right without him in it until I changed it.

Studies show that if you are online or watching tv, especially violent tv, less than an hour before bed, you can expect sleep problems. So I try to allow for a breather between watching movies and sleep time. My bedtime reading is purely entertainment reading - I never try to read anything 'serious' before sleep. I can have as many as 3 different kinds of books that I'm reading at any one time, but bedtime is relax time, not study time, not contemplate how to solve all my problems time. If I am awake at 2:00 a.m. worrying, I ask myself , "Is there anything I can do about this right now? If not, I will sleep now and do something about it tomorrow."

I try to do my exercise in the morning because studies show that exercising even 2-3 hours before bedtime will cause sleep problems because your body is still revved up. But even a 15-minute walk during the day can help clear your head and help you sleep more soundly.

Every night before you go to sleep, tell your lost loved one you love them and say 'good night.' If you feel like telling them anything else at that time, do. Part of the grief is wanting to express what you feel. This is a release mechanism.

Some people find prayer helpful for sleeping, but I didn't. I tend to pray in the morning. That's just me.

There are other things you can try - these are just the things that worked for me. Hope this helps. Several people have said that Tylenol PM, Benadryl, or Melatonin work for them. I can't take them - in fact I can't take most meds. Even over-the-counter medications can make you too groggy to drive, so try it on a weekend or other time when you won't have to get behind the wheel.

Widda sex - oh Marsha - thank goodness we finally have another name for it! LOL!

Love and Hugs,
Martha

Pray. Write down concerns and put them in a God box. Don't ever take them back out.
(Widda sex- ha,ha,ha!)

I'm still unable to sleep more the 3-4 hrs. that's with waking up a couple times in between! I've been omthis "Journey" quite some time... so I guess I just suck it up! I have this friend of mie and all he does is sleep... and I tell him youdon't know what I'd give for that! another friend says well we know we don't die from lack of "Sleep" not so sure but I do know... I have had other not so nice side effects of lack of "Sleep"!

i figured out over the weekend what to do for sleep. I stay up every other night and then i can sleep every other night. Hey it's a start anyhow. LOL.
Hugs and better sleep to all
Ralph

I'm new here but I will jump in. My older sister taught me a trick a few years ago and it works for me. I count backwards from 20 while mindfully breathing. I visualize each number as to shape and color. By 13 I am usually totally relaxed. I rarely get to one unless I am really agitated (and I have had my share of all night crying) but then I just keep retrying and eventually I fall asleep.

Sweet dreams.

Grace