Honey, I don't know who "they" are, but they've definitely not lost their spouses. I doubt if anyone ever gets over this.

Sending you hugs and wishing you a better tomorrow.

I am so sorry you are having such a rough time. Do NOT let people tell you how you should feel. My husband passed away two years ago after being ill for three years and I immediately set about trying to regain my life and appear normal. Huge mistake!! I didn't take time to mourn his passing and to take time to reflect on things. Now two years later I'm beginning a journey that took me two years to start. Mourn in your own way, your own time. Deep in your heart you know what's best for you! Hugs

Someone told me right after my wife passed away, You never get over it. You just learn to deal with it. Don't feel bad because you don't think you are progressing. These things go at their own pace. Feel free to vent here. We all understand, and support everyone.

No real reason ??? The loss of your husband is THE real reason, my friend. Please don't let anyone tell you how you should feel or when you should feel certain things. Everyone grieves differently and grief takes as long as it takes.

You will never "get over" this.......you will live through this and we are all here to help that process. We are all there with you - just at different mile markers on the same road...............everyone here at DS does understand and this is a wonderful place to find comfort and support.

Take care of you. Hugs to you,
Christine

No one can tell you how to grieve or how long it takes. Many of us have to distance ourselves from people who say things like "get over it", etc. We get through it not over it and it takes as long as it takes. I was impatient with myself, thinking I had to be "better" and do everything that needed to be done right away. Almost drove myself nuts. The best advice I can give based on my experience is to be patient and kind to yourself and do what you can when you can. You know what's best for you. We are here for you. Take care, Sandra

It's normal to feel ok one moment and then begin crying the next. Our emotions are all over the place, and it's exhausting. Come here and vent whenever you need to. A big hug from Sil

First I am very sorry for your loss. Next - "They" are not you! And this journey is not "over" at any set time. And I imagine "they" are not widowed. Because if so, "they" would understand.

One of the very first things I had to deal with on this journey of grieving is that a lot of people say a lot of things that should not be said. But once said - the comments stick on our mind, going round and round, making it much harder to bear the pain of the loss. We think that they know what they are talking about and it adds guilt to our already guilty feelings. Their expectations of us and what they feel is right for us just makes it so much worse. IGNORE THEM! Only once someone has been here - where we are, can you possibly understand.

Find other people who have been widowed to talk to. There are a few understanding wonderful people who will try to relate and can be helpful but it takes some very special people to be that person. But mostly, you need to talk to other widowed people.

DS will help you find others that are walking your same path. Talk here, read here and if you are a book reader there are some good books out there that helped me during the first months. But most of all, this is YOUR loss, YOUR time frame and it's ok to be where YOU are. No one else will ever be the same as you, not even anyone here at DS. And that's just quite alright.

Many hugs,
Kathy

Thank all of you so much for your kind and great words and thoughts... It has helped today..

Once i find the anecdote to this pain and loneliness of losing the most important person in my life i will let everyone know. That way people around us won't have to deal with our pain and tears. we all deal with it differently. i for one am a steady statue during the day but night comes and no one watches and i am back in square one.
time does not erase or make the pain less, in fact it just makes the void bigger. i am sorry that you have to deal with these type of people, but come up with something sassy to say. i could come up with a milion, but honestly it would be useless.

You have a reason to cry, and no one should tell you that you shouldn't. So, far, no one has told me that I should be "over" losing my husband. I realize that happens from reading so many posts on here that have said it. I hope that no one dares to tell me that. They probably will not like my response!
As others have told you, we all travel this road together here at DS, we may be at different markers along the road, but, we do understand. Crying is an outlet and can also cleanse some of the hurt away. Yes, it can come back again, but, many times a good cry is what you need. This journey is like a roller coaster with all the ups and downs of our grief. May God Bless you and give you some peace. Hugs, Joely

DO NOT let anyone convince you that you should be over it. I don't think you ever get over it. After 7 months I still have days of crying I also have good days. Then I feel guilty for having good days. Losing a spouse is like losing a part of you. You may have better days but I think that person will always be with you. You take whatever time you need to grieve and say F****you (excuse the language) to anyone who tries to convince you otherwise

My husband and I shared the same primary care physician. About six months after my beloved John died, I went to see him because I too felt that I was not "normal" and people felt that I should be moving on with my life. Well my doctor told me that I was doing very well under the circumstances. He told me that he would be one of the few people to tell me the truth -- based on my loving relationship with my husband who was my best friend and soul mate that I would "never get over" (expression used by many) the loss of this love. He told me that I would find a new life, joy and a purpose; however, I would carry John with me until the day I die. That was the best advice I have received to date. Be good to yourself -- crying serves a purpose -- we need to shed our tears to bring peace to ourselves. We are all normal in whatever steps we must take to survive this journey that none of us would have chosen.

After 19 months I am still not over THIS, no one has said anything to me YET, and I really pity the person that has the gall to tell me to my face. How dare you tell me what I should be over, that is what you should tell who ever tells you something like that. How dare you, walk in my shoes and then say something like that to me!!!!! I agree with cogoalno language and all.

Hugs to you!!!!!!!

Others, perhaps we should call them "outsiders", offer "helpful" words that often seem like salt poured onto our wounds. The other evening I was sitting in my backyard crying (because I was tired of sitting in the house crying). My neighbor saw me and said, "You gotta pull yourself together. You gotta forget about it and move on." Can you believe that? I told him I will NEVER forget my husband ( obviously, the IT in his statement) and right now, I don't know where "moving on" is going to take me. He acknowledged that he didn't know what else to say. I would have preferred that he share a short, funny or memorable anecdote about my husband.
Friends of my husband (a loving couple) have told me it's time to "move on." They insinuate that his soul cannot rest if I cry every day. I no longer answer the phone when they call. They still have each other. I go to sleep at night in an empty bed. What do they know?

Thank you. I am so sorry for your pain also. I often cry outside but, I am fortunate that I live on 90 acres and there is nobody around. I love to dig in my garden, it helps ground me but the tears roll everytime when the memories begin.. I know I have to release these tears but it hurts so much..... I am saying prayers for all of you. ((Hugs))