Widows & Widowers Support Group
This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.
I'm scared. I'll admit it. It's the last time I'll admit it. Two days ago I suffered a TIA(mini stroke). I happened to have been at my fathers. I told him to pray first and then dial 911. He did. Three minutes later I was back to normal. But what is normal. I sat numbly in the hospital while they ran test. MRI, Echos, checking my carotid artery and such. They all came back looking normal, but that doesn't mean I'm out of the woods. They still believe I had a TIA. In fact I had two. Three months ago I was at work when the room started spinning. I was rushed to ER and no diagnoses was given. They sent me home and I thought it was a result of a B12 deficiency.
But it wasn't.
I live alone. No one here to tell me if I acting strangely. No one here to call 911. Another horror of being a widow. The one left behind really suffers.
So now I'm afraid. Every beat of my heart, my mind races. Is that feeling in my leg normal. Is the room a little brighte? Am I dizzy? I can feel the clothes on my back, my awareness of every breath I take. I think what happens to me if my brain is impaired? Than I erase the thought because I know I have God here watching over me. So, I battle fear.
The bible tells us God doesn't give us a spirit of fear. And so I know where this comes from. I also know God is talking me through this. I saw an episode of Doctor Who about fear, how it's used against us a a weapon. It was on tonight and I thought, how strange that this episode, with it's veiled religious theme, was on, and me battling my fears.
Anyhow, here's my year. Cataract surgery with complications, two TIAs, nearly choked last week. But I'm saying now: It stops on this night at this very minute.
Thanks for reading my breakdown. I'm picking myself up now, and dusting myself off.
But it wasn't.
I live alone. No one here to tell me if I acting strangely. No one here to call 911. Another horror of being a widow. The one left behind really suffers.
So now I'm afraid. Every beat of my heart, my mind races. Is that feeling in my leg normal. Is the room a little brighte? Am I dizzy? I can feel the clothes on my back, my awareness of every breath I take. I think what happens to me if my brain is impaired? Than I erase the thought because I know I have God here watching over me. So, I battle fear.
The bible tells us God doesn't give us a spirit of fear. And so I know where this comes from. I also know God is talking me through this. I saw an episode of Doctor Who about fear, how it's used against us a a weapon. It was on tonight and I thought, how strange that this episode, with it's veiled religious theme, was on, and me battling my fears.
Anyhow, here's my year. Cataract surgery with complications, two TIAs, nearly choked last week. But I'm saying now: It stops on this night at this very minute.
Thanks for reading my breakdown. I'm picking myself up now, and dusting myself off.
deleted_user
This is a very real feeling, and a scary one. Just remember though that you can be married, and still fall and suffer, and they might not be near. I tried to organize a series of things that made me ''feel'' more secure. My across the street neighbor knows my ''patterns'' and calls if she thinks anything might be wrong - I do the same for her. Even if it's being a busy body - I don't mind!!! Usually a light comes on at a certain time, I walk Daisy at a certain time. We all have routines or patterns. The newspaper is picked off my driveway at a certain time. They know where the key to my house is - several people do. She has my family phone numbers - I have hers. Another girlfriend calls me almost every night, or we write. If we don't hear from each other we send out a search party - she has the phone number of my neighbor and I have the number of a neighbor near her. We also have a rule that we can't be depressed at the same time!!! This comes in handy when we need to ''unload''!!! - Even emailing someone an ''X ''lets you know that someone is alive and well. We have to take care of ourselves the best we can - it is also a blessing to help someone else in their life. I know it's scary, but remember that we are alone now - it's a fact and nobody can keep us safe always. Good luck Truhal - I know you will find a solution, and I'm glad you are taking positive steps towards good health - that's all we can do. Best regards, Vicki
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