Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Truhal 09/18/2011

I'm scared. I'll admit it. It's the last time I'll admit it. Two days ago I suffered a TIA(mini stroke). I happened to have been at my fathers. I told him to pray first and then dial 911. He did. Three minutes later I was back to normal. But what is normal. I sat numbly in the hospital while they ran test. MRI, Echos, checking my carotid artery and such. They all came back looking normal, but that doesn't mean I'm out of the woods. They still believe I had a TIA. In fact I had two. Three months ago I was at work when the room started spinning. I was rushed to ER and no diagnoses was given. They sent me home and I thought it was a result of a B12 deficiency.

But it wasn't.

I live alone. No one here to tell me if I acting strangely. No one here to call 911. Another horror of being a widow. The one left behind really suffers.

So now I'm afraid. Every beat of my heart, my mind races. Is that feeling in my leg normal. Is the room a little brighte? Am I dizzy? I can feel the clothes on my back, my awareness of every breath I take. I think what happens to me if my brain is impaired? Than I erase the thought because I know I have God here watching over me. So, I battle fear.

The bible tells us God doesn't give us a spirit of fear. And so I know where this comes from. I also know God is talking me through this. I saw an episode of Doctor Who about fear, how it's used against us a a weapon. It was on tonight and I thought, how strange that this episode, with it's veiled religious theme, was on, and me battling my fears.

Anyhow, here's my year. Cataract surgery with complications, two TIAs, nearly choked last week. But I'm saying now: It stops on this night at this very minute.

Thanks for reading my breakdown. I'm picking myself up now, and dusting myself off.

deleted_user 09/18/2011

Bless your heart -- YES, it can be scary!!! I'm a widow too, and I lived alone until a couple of months ago, when my 15yr old granddaughter came to live with me. YIKES. I'm not used to having a teenager in the house! LOL Hopefully it's temporary, until my daughter can find suitable housing.

I had a heart attack -- but the funny thing is I didn't know I'd had it!! It showed up on an EKG. After that, I got to worrying about what would happen if I had a MASSIVE one, and I was all alone! Boy, our minds can certainly torture us!!

I don't worry so much anymore. I'm where I'm supposed to be right now --- And God is walking with me.

I'm glad you're doing better !! Please take care of yourself, and God bless! Hope to see you posting more. Hugs, Lee

deleted_user 09/18/2011

Stress! Lord knows you've had more than your share these past couple of years. And stress alone can cause all kinds of physical manifestations. For each fearful thought that comes cross your mind, continue to replace it with a better one....and it looks as if you're doing just that now. Like you said, "It stops...at this very minute."

deauxgirl 09/18/2011

Boy, do I know where, you're coming from. I've never lived alone before, and I do have those scary moments when, I almost fall, or have pains in my chest, that I think, who will find me, and how long would it be, before anyone checked on me.
Those times, I have to put my faith in God, that He is in control. I also think, that He wouldn't be that cruel to have my family go thru more grief.
You are a strong person, and it's a good thing, that they found out about your condition, and now can monitor it. Positive thoughts, try to breathe.
((((Hugs)))
Paula

Nicker07 09/18/2011

Might I just say - we are HUMAN. When Adam and Eve ate the apple God gave them as humans emotions: fear is a part of a human emotion. Sometimes the tools we are given to work with those emotions were given at all or properly or those tools get cloudy with human feelings. So please no matter what being scared is just that being scared. Acknowleding that fear is good, now taking a deep breathe and looking at your options to conquer that fear: what if you do this to stop more TIA's, what if you do this to help stress levels that might trigger these, what if you go to specialists who give you your changes to keep them at bay, etc etc

AND for not least at all write us here - tell us when you feel your fear - talk it out with others who face the lone ness of facing things like these ----- ha I bet there are many experts here on that...

And remember we give hugs through cyber space readily....Please know we all really really care ----

OH and come to the PNW and visit me I will keep your fear busy...hahahaha

deleted_user 09/18/2011

I am not afraid of death anymore. I am not looking to die anytime soon, but if the Lord decides to take me, just all the sooner that I can be with my Michael again.

Comfortablynumb 09/18/2011

There are so many changes when a spouse is gone; financial, social changes, loosing status, becoming a burden to your children, not being loved the way we used to feel, and being taken care of.... and here is the big one --- the security of growing old and yet safe together is not here with him being gone
What can shelter us from feeling of that ultimate abandonment on so many levels?
Only faith, because He is never away, never is blind or deaf to your needs.
With his name of my lips I fall asleep; with his name I open my eyes in the morning. I feel security, I feel love. When I deviate, I pay the price of being lost and confused.
I am glad my husband brought me close to Him; my darling knew I will need Him badly one day. I have a great protector, and you do as well
Proverbs 15:25 The LORD will destroy the house of the proud: but he will establish the border of the widow..

wendywillow 09/18/2011

Take a deep breath. God is with you. Fear and stress take its toll on our bodies and our minds.
Sending gentle hugs your way.

wendywillow 09/18/2011

Oh, I forgot to add. The other night I was in bed. Around midnight there was a horrific crash downstairs! It sounded like glass breaking. I shivered and shook and went to investigate, thinking maybe somebody had broken a window and was in my house. (I live in a very safe area and this does not happen, but you know how the mind is...)

I got downstairs and it was a picture that had fallen off the fireplace mantle. Glass shattered all over the room. Why on earth that picture "chose" midnight to shatter, I'll never know.

Anyway, I went back to bed and cleaned it up in the morning.

NewRoadsForMe 09/18/2011

Fear is so common when we have had the very rug under our feet jerked away. We don't know who we are, what we're supposed to be doing now, and who do we talk to since #1 is gone. I've been through my share of fears, some great and some small. Walking outdoors on my rural property that I love is a risk. If I fell, got bitten by a poisonous snake, had a seizure, or any number of other things, I wonder if I would like there for a day, two days, or more before someone finds my injured or dead body. The fear can become crippling, so that it is a primary thought every day. After working through a lot of this through prayer, I've decided that nothing will happen to me that God will not be with me and that there will be something good come from it. If I died, I'd go to heaven. If I lay injured for a couple days, my children then would pay a lot more attention to me in the future. I have decided not to fear (sometimes I slip up) and to trust God that he knows I am alone and I take all safety precautions short of never leaving my house. When I go out alone, looking forward to a nice day in nature, I don't think about "what if". God is in control and he loves me. I try to leave it at that. Good luck in your search for security!
Kathleen

deleted_user 09/18/2011

I remember what happened to you, a few months ago, and was hoping that you were okay.
I am scared too, and was afraid to admit it.
Thank you for your post.
I am having multiple anxiety attacks daily, and, sometimes, I just can't breathe. I do take the weakest lorazapan, once a day, and it helps.
More helpful have been daily walks, and keeping busy. I have been missing my husband more now than ever, and can't seem to shake the extreme sadness that comes over me,and that leads to more anxiety.
God bless you, and you are in my prayers.
(HUGS)Debi

Truhal 09/18/2011

Mikeswife, I'm not afraid of death either. In fact, when it was happening, it never crossed my mind. I'm afraid of living with disabilities. I have a new prayer: If it happens again(and it won't) then please God bring me home if it's a bad one. It's in my living will too.

I told people for years that I'm not trying to take care of myself just so I can live a long time. Frankly, I could care less. I try to take care of myself so I can enjoy a healthy life. That to me is the point of vitamins and other health items. I'm working real hard on the health items now, changing my diet overnight.

julie50501 09/18/2011

Just a practical suggestion; have you ever thought of getting one of those alerts with the button that you can wear around your neck and press if you need help? It might help you feel less anxious living alone.

Truhal 09/18/2011

I'm looking into a few of them. Thanks Julie.

ECochran 09/19/2011

Stress and anxiety does alot to your body too. Take care of yourself. When you are feeling the fear focus on God.

II Timothy 1:7 For god hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Isaish 41:10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed for I am God, I will strengthen thee; yea I will help thee; yea I will uphold thee; with the right hand of my righteous.

Hugs and prayers to you Edie

songsofthenight 09/19/2011

I understand completely where you are coming from....I was thinking about this the other day, wondering how long it would be before anyone noticed I wasn't out and about, days....weeks...months....and I thought the same thing: Lord take me home if anything bad happens, don't leave me here if I'm going to be unable to do anything for myself, will cross that bridge if and when it happens until then I'm going to live life to the best of my ability......hugs, Sandi

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