Widows & Widowers Support Group

This community is dedicated to those who have lost a husband, wife, or partner. Anything is open for discussion here, with the hope that we can focus on grief, bereavement, life after loss, and continuing on after a great loss.

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Truhal 02/09/2011

I was stupid, believing my father actually wanted to make amends. He called me at work today all apologetic. And I fell for it.

Well, tonight he told me 'no wonder my husband used to work alot. He didn't want to be around me.'

How cruel. My husband worked long hours, trying to keep a job. He was a victim of downsizing that let him keep his job but made him do the work of three people.

For my father to say something so heartless, so evil---I'm working on forgiving him now. But I'll never forget the words. Our relationship will never be the same.

Just needed to vent.

Tru, at her lowest point.

tskks 02/09/2011

Sorry to hear this, so cruel.

deleted_user 02/09/2011

Sorry about your dad. Sounds like he is just old and cranky.......maybe a bit of dementia thrown into the mix. He probably is incapable of changing. I know that doesn't help but it's ok to vent.....unfortunately life with aging parents can be very difficult. Hope tomorrow is a better day.

Truhal 02/09/2011

I need to face facts. It's not dementia. He has always been this way. Was worse when I was growing up. It's just that he treated me somewhat better. But now that everyone he used to argue with is dead, he's directing all his anger at me. Tonight hurt more than words can say.

I'm done. I've disconneted the phone. Turned off my cell phone. I'm facing facts now.

pathoflife 02/09/2011

Tru,

From the different things you've posted in the past about your father, I'm having a hard time understanding what this man's definition of love is. I'm so very sorry about the crushing words you had to hear from the man who is supposed to love, protect, and adore his child--at least that seems to be the norm in society. Something seems to be missing in his 'delivery'. Blessings to you for your effort to forgive. TJ

ricebells 02/10/2011

What is it they say "the mouth is the perfect weapon to kill someone right in the heart"how true is this.My mother is 92 and l often have this with her,she was the same when she was younger,so l don,t think she will ever change,but l have changed with my approach to her,if she says anything to upset me,l tell her that she shouldn,t say things like that,but l do think alot of it with my mother is just her age,she has become old and cranky,so we all tolerate her outbursts,it still hurts though.
l would tell your dad how he has upset you,be straight in your approach towards him,tell him how you feel about what he has said,he should apologise to you.l know it is so hard. There have been many times l have walked out of my mothers flat and stayed away,just to cool off,but l always go back to see her.l hope things work out for you with your father.

Alice

deleted_user 02/10/2011

I wish people could know how their words can hurt. Almost like knives.
Sorry you had to be the recipient of his cruelity.

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