You have to take care of yourself right now. Later you will be able to help others. Don't rush it... Sandee

We have all gone through the "if only" times....it's normal.
Take car of yourself first, as Sandee says.....then you can give to others.....it all takes time,
Peace and hugs for you......Sandra

I'm glad you shared - its good to reach out for support. I'm sorry for your loss, and you are not alone.

This site is a well from which we each take and give (beginning in that order). Your turn to take, right now. No need to apologize. We all understand.
Hugs,
Terry

I'm sorry you are having those awful flashbacks. As far as helping, your honest expression of the hell you're going through helps me to know that I'm not alone in the hurt locker of being a widower. Take care.

Hi Guy - I know what you mean about those late nights, and the flashbacks. Rob died at home, overnight, but we were in separate rooms so I didn't find him until morning. The look on his face when I found him is forever imprinted in my brain. I punished myself with guilt for months, thinking I should have been there to save him, until my counsellor reminded me that he had signed a living will, a DNR, and would not want to be kept alive artificially.
I often doze off now to a movie on my iPad, or listening to music, just to keep those thoughts at bay.
Sometimes I wish that this discussion board had a live chat system for those of us awake at 2am. Someone to talk to who gets it.

Breathe darling . . . one breath at a time and let the tears flow. They are an integral part of the grief journey. I am glad that you are reaching out, sharing your emotions and expressing your grief. These are all wonderful signs that you are in process of healing. Allow it without question . . all very normal. Yes, it sucks to have those sleepless nights and visions of the beloved . . . the what if's start creeping in and we hurt ourselves beyond what already hurts. Please try to not let the should have, could have that equates to basically guilt into your mind . . they are wasted and draining emotions that don't serve a purpose in my opinion. There was nothing you or anyone else could have done to change what has happened. It was her time to go. Remember, she will always be with you in spirit, heart and memories. Gone, but never forgotten. We are travailing this path with you . . . big hug of support. Dayna

I am so sorry. Nights are awful when we play the what if game. Try to let go of the guilt. I know you are early in the process and it is so terribly hard to do so. But .. the guilt accomplishes nothing and your Jalee wouldn't have wanted you feeling it. Let yourself have a good cry and tell yourself this is not my fault. In letting go of the guilt you are not letting go of your wife. Just the opposite. Please be kind and patient with yourself. We are here for you and totally get it.
Hugs,
Val

I haven't gotten to the part where I am angry at myself. I know I will though. I am a fixer. It's what I do. Couldn't fix him though. Only love him....till it hurt. Horrible. By letting everyone else know that they are not alone in this hurt, you help us all. I know we all have nightmares, the dreams that follow us after we awake.

One day at a time. Hugs.

For months I would just read what others posted and cry. I wanted to say something comforting or helpful but I could not do it. I am just starting to be able to comment but I don't know how helpful I am. There are so many wonderful, caring people on this site and they all understand.

There is so many what if's, angry and guilt but it is all so normal. Night was always the hardest for me also could never get my mind to shut down so you are not alone. Everyone on this site will be here to help you and support you in any way they can.