There's nothing wrong with you. I still get angry also. It's been a year and a few months for me, but I have all the same emotions I had originally. My Bill died suddenly also and he was only 59. There were a lot of plans we had made and life left to live.
I spent part of yesterday being angry. I don't beat myself up for it. I'm pretty good at letting my emotions happen the way they need to.
Mostly I have lingering guilt that maybe I should have done more for him on his last day. I can't go back and fix it, but it gnaws at me still. That's part of my anger. I don't know if it will ever go away.

I still get angry. I try not to, just as i try to remember all logical things. But i get angry when i see happy couples sometimes particularly in their early 50's, our ageish and I always HATE cancer! Mostly i feel plain ole sad. Of course I try not to let these emotions take over but they linger around...............

For me at five+ years and also living a new life I would describe my feeling as sadness more than anger, but it seems both are common.
For no apparent reason I can identify I become very sad or angry over my change in life. It confuses me, because I have found happinesz in my new life. Sharon

I get angry. We were just starting to make plans to work on the house, talking about selling our business. I couldn't wait to one day be grandparents together. Our youngest was about to start college. My husband died the night of her high school graduation.... from cancer. I get mad when I think he wont be here to walk his girls down the aisle one day. It's been about 1 1/2 years he is gone. He was such a good guy and he loved life. He was 56. Yea, I'm going through the mad stage I guess. The Holidays really brought it out.

Yes, some days the anger monster shows up again. For me, it tends to be worse either when I am really tired and there is some crisis, or when something happens with one of our sons and I know they feel his loss all over again.

I have the same thoughts about how unfair it was/is. Cliff was only 55, our last conversation the night before that terrible morning, was about all of our future plans together. Our younger son was getting ready to graduate high school, so I totally understand Laurie's frustration, too. And my sons are both special needs guys - both on the autism spectrum. It's like I want to scream sometimes "Wasn't that enough to hit us with?? You had to take Cliff too??!"

Debbie, I don't think there is anything wrong with being angry over what feels like a personal injustice. I get that it's not directed at anyone in particular - I always just use the term "the Universe" because I'm not really even mad at God anymore. I know there is nothing I can do about it, which makes you feel powerless, too. But it will never be fair, and I would never have chosen this path willingly.

I think for women in particular, anger and fear and guilt can get all knotted up together. It does for me, and I sometimes have a very hard time separating out those emotions. Those negative emotions can feed each other and it's like fuel on the fire, just making it worse. When I finally let the guilt go, it was a big relief, and helped me contend with the fear and anger better. I still have my fears and my anger, and probably always will to some extent, but I don't buy into the guilt anymore.

I hope this makes sense....

Love and Hugs,
Martha

I don't believe there is anything wrong with you. I am at 5 years plus now. I still have those days too. The life I am living now is very active filled with wonderful caring people and I am enjoying my life, but I still feel empty inside and it sneaks up on me every so often. I get angry/frustrated at the situation, that its out of my control, I get angry when I see our son and daughter still hurting, I get angry because there will never be an answer as to why. It will never seem fair. This isn't what we had planned.
So I allow myself to feel this way when the need arises, then I move on again. Keep plugging on each day.
You are not alone.

Hugs, Denise

Just as I try never to suppress my tears, I don't suppress my anger. It is a legitimate emotion. Everything has been taken from us and we have a reason to be angry, but we can't hold it inside. Just like the tears it needs to get out.

Peace,
Julie

It has been over 8 months since my husband died unexpectedly at age 59. I was so angry at first, because he was very fit, far better than most his age, didn't smoke, and liked to run, so everybody was SHOCKED that he had a massive heart attack while working on a roof and never knew what hit him. I would see other people we knew that were overweight, didn't take care of themselves, with lots of health problems and think, "Why are THEY still here, but not my husband? It is SO unfair." Plus, our first grandchild was only 15 months when he passed and he adored her and loved spending time with her. She loved her "Papa". Her other grandpa is a little older, is retired and plays video games all day, has not friends, and could go weeks and weeks without seeing her. I thought to myself, and still do, "Why did the wrong grandpa die?" I know this is horrible on my part to think that way, but I do. Can't help it. That's one of the biggest reasons I get angry, is because she won't grow up enjoying the grandpa that loved her so much. And he won't be around for future grandchldren.

I still get angry and it's been a little over 11/2 yrs now. I get angry at him and myself. I should have made him go to the hospital. Should have dragged him there. If I had been thinking right I should have done that. You don't mess with chest pain no matter how light they were. I still talk to him and I ask him why didn't you go? Why didn't I make you go? What was wrong with us? He was only 60 yrs old. I miss himj and our home so much. I just try not to think about it much cause we can't change it.

There is nothing wrong with any of us. I am not the same anymore and it hurts and makes me mad too. I do not like who I am when I feel the grief anger so I stay to myself and try to work it out. Only those like us know what this feels like no matter how long it has been. Some days are better than some, but I always think of him and miss just us.