This has probably appeared here before. It was written by Sandra Walker and is very good. Confirms our feelings about all the thoughtless things people say to "help" us. (Excerpts follow) The first comments following the item are what the person means to imply. "WIFL" is what it feels like to new widows to hear this.

1. "God just needs another angel." She's a believer; this will give her peace.
WIFL: "Like Hell he does. To do what? He has a trillion already. I need Glen here, and my kids need him."

2. "He's at peace now." He is with the Lord in Heaven and that is a peaceful thought.
WIFL: "We were at peace before all of this happened. He didn't go looking for peace."

3, "How are you doing?" I am expressing concern and love.
WIFL: "Seriously, is that a question? Do you really want that answer? I'm a widow with a brain injury; I'm facing a whole new world. My children have no father. I wake up every morning alone."

4. " "Everything happens for a reason." There is a reason for this, and one day it will all make sense.
WIFL: "I don't doubt His plan for 1 second. but at this moment that brings me absolutely no solace. I mean none."

5. "I know exactly how you feel (when my husband left/ when I got divorced/ my husband travels for work). Relating to her will make her feel good.
WIFL: You have absolutely no idea how it feels. Those things are difficult, but not the same. I don't want you to EVER know how it feels."

6 "I'm glad to see you're moving on." Love and concern
WIFL: "I'm not moving on; I will never move on. I may be moving forward. And what does "moving on" imply? That I am dating? I that the only way I can show growth and healing by dating?"

7. "Let me know if there's anything you need." Love, concern and a willingness to help.
WIFL: The majority of the time, I have no idea what I need. Ask my best friend. Best of all, tell me what you are going to do, Anything you can think of, I probably need. The last thing I want to do is admit it. The biggest needs are probably a meal, a nap and time alone in my house."

8. "At least you're young" You can get remarried and live a happy life.
WIFL: I'm pretty sure that being young does not make this any easier. Every age of widowhood presents different challenges, but being young does not make it easier. I planned to spend the rest of my life with this person, and being young enough to be able to spend it with someone else is of no comfort at all."

9."You're doing the best you can with your kids" You are doing a great job.
WIFL: "Of course I'm doing the best I can do. Unless my children are running naked in the streets, please tell me I'm doing an AWESOME job with my kids. It's taking everything in me to get out of bed in the morning. let alone get my kids out of bed."

10."I don't know how you do it." I don't know how you do it.
WIFL: None of us knows how we will handle something until it becomes our story..... Circumstances happen, and you choose a way to go....Some endings are favorable and some are not. There is weight in good choices.

Me, the way I'm handling it? God. My faith. My weaknesses. My imperfections, My lessons learned. My tantrums. My children. My future. My love. My mistakes. And an occasional homemade wine spritzer.

Here is a short list of things that would work. Everyone is different, so these are my (Sandra Walker's) statements of comfort during my early widowhood.

"Honey, I love you so much"
"I'm so sorry, this just doesn't make sense"
"Hey, I would like to drop dinner off on Tuesday or Sat. What works for you?"
"The kids are doing so well; you are doing an awesome job."
"I don't know what to say."