Hello,

Although everyone handles special days differently, I have found this to be helpful. If you are a person of faith, choose a time and place (such as the dinner table in the moments before the meal begins) to silently say a prayer asking that your husband's spirit join with you at that time. Doing so may momentarily bring a few tears to your eyes, but I've found a certain degree of peace as well. You may be surprised to find others on the trip who have situations similar to yours.

Here's to a safe and pleasant journey . . .

I feel for you. I am dealing with the firsts as well. I too have planned a trip for the 1st date of my husband's death. I just don't want to be in this house where he died. The day is going to be hard enough. We would have had our 30th wedding anniversary this August. I'm not looking forward to August. I know I wlll spend the day crying & probably want to just be alone. Maybe spending the so called "firsts" however we feel appropriate should be up to us. Be it alone, or in a crowd, or on a trip where you will meet new people, all will still be hard but we will get through them. Best wishes to you & I give you much credit for adventuring on your trip alone. Maybe someday I will have the strength to do that. I think about doing it, but just can't bring myself to actually do it. Let me know how the trip turns out.

We have discussed the handling of anniversaries, birthdays, etc. in my hospice group and at least 3 of the members did just what you are doing: took a cruise or some other form of vacation that would include "the day." They all said it was successful and were glad they did it. One of the ladies said she was going and would be sure that her (deceased) husband could "see" the trip through her eyes. I thought that was an excellent way of looking at things.

Hugs,

Terry

I have mentioned this before, but perhaps you missed my post.

As a person of faith I believe that good works and acts of kindness done in their name can be of benefit to them in the next life. So when our daughter died we marked her birthday as a day when our family and friends would gather and "Do something nice for somebody".

May 31st is the day and we are gathering at my house for a BBQ in her memory and will donate money to a local children's hospital in her name. In previous years we have had parties where people donated new toys and books.

We found this practice very helpful to us for the first few anniversaries. Tomorrow will be our 18th celebration.

Strange, but service to others is good for your own soul too :)

Bob

We get through the special days of remembering anniversaries and holidays in baby steps. The anticipation of the upcoming event was usually worse for me than the day itself. I tried to do something just to not dwell on what was, but we do that every day, don't we? Somehow we do get through it.

I'm already well aware of the fact June is the month I lost my husband too. He died so near Father's Day our children are extra sensitive to the date.

I believe your trip will be good for you. We seem to sense what we need and then second guess our decisions. I wish you well today and in the days to follow. Sharon

It has been 10 months for me. My husband died July 27, 2013 and in February my daughter and I went to Vegas for four days. Since then I have started going back to the Senior Centers for water aerobics and exercise. Also taking day trips with the various senior groups. In our area there are so many centers to go to and I meet a different group to exercise and eat lunch with. I am used to traveling with a group as my husband confessed early in our marriage that he hated traveling. So I have traveled for many years with a group, but being independent. He was my second husband, but my first love. We were married almost 30 years and together 36 years. When people ask me how I feel, I tell them "I'm better today than I was yesterday."