I'm so sorry for your pain. I was just like you for a while. Just try your best to not "look down the dark hole". It is more difficult for some people but it will get better. This won't last forever. Give yourself credit for the year you have gotten through! That's huge.

Like you, when I was at 14 months I seemed to be more emotional and cried over every little thing and felt like I was going backward. I am now at 21 months and feel better, but still find those odd time when it all falls apart. I think it is hard to judge who has an easier or a harder time because we are all so different and the exact circumstances of our loss is different with each person too. As long as you are trying to move forward, you will make it to an easier place eventually. There is no time limit on grief - it takes as long as it takes. Hugs, laurabp

This week will mark 5 months without my husband. Today marks 148 days. I still cry every single day. I still talk to him every single day. I still touch his clothes. I smell
I've been to bereavement group and I'm reading books. I go to work which is a great distraction for me.
Sundays are very hard for me, as he died on a Sunday. Somehow, I'm not over that yet. I go to the cemetery often.
Many of my friends, his friends and family have not reached out to me. I thank you all for giving me a place to vent.
I still take my days in chunks. I get through the morning. I take a deep breath and plow through the afternoon. Then I only have to get past the evening. Tomorrow, I'll do it all again.

This is just my opinion, but here it is. I think the levels of difficulty with losing our spouses depend on how intertwined our lives and hearts were. Think of a rope tied in many, many knots. Then think of a rope tied with only one knot. Which one would take longer to untie and let go? I think of Joe and me as being one body, soul, and mind, so tight that there was no empty space between us. Losing him has been like the strongest and longest piece of Velcro. I don't think I'll ever come to the end of the attachment. That's OK, though, because I'm not looking for a replacement, ever.

I will always miss my husband terribly. When he died it was just as bad as if both my legs had been amputated. He was that much a part of me. The pain of his loss is still with me even after seven years. Most days I only focus on the happy memories and feel good but he is gone and that will always hurt. Some moments the pain can be very intense but that is not very often any longer. Mostly it is only the happy, loving memories that surround me and make me feel good. I am very thankful for that. It is different for everyone. ((hugs))

Friends, It also has been a year since my husband died of Pancreatic cancer.I think , when there is a longer time of preparation before a loved one's death...you grieve as they are passing. When it is sudden, the shock of it deters grieving for a time;deters acceptance. I know, two days after the 1year time period(no, I refuse to call it an anniversary) I saw ,flashed on the screen "it ain't over 'til it's over" It hit me like a wave that encompassed me. How many times I saw that phrase...but I realized that I had finally gotten to that difficult acceptance...that it was, indeed, over. He was gone. But I wasn't.

Almost 4 months and I am still in a daze and can't focus on work or anything for that matter.
I think my children and grandchildren think I have lost my mind and I will agree with them.
The pain is as intense as it was the afternoon that my wife passed.
Nothing has meaning anymore without Kallene. She was my world that I depended on for everything. I see the pain in my childrens faces and ask God everyday to help us all. I know that he will when the time is right.
I tell myself to quit feeling sorry for myself and be strong for my children, but it's so hard. God answer my call.

Four months is a very short time for any recovery. When I was there, I was still very much in anger, disbelief, confusion, pain. I am at 9 months now and am much farther down the road to stabilization. I still have outbursts of crying (with no warning). I guess what I am saying to you is to hang in there. You are very normal and you will get through this one step at a time. We all feel your pain. You are in our hearts. Hang in there and stay tuned right here. God bless you and your family.
Kathleen

the desire of wanting to see him walk through the door is ever present. the reality that he wont shortly follows. the pain varies from intense to overwhelming. living without him, missing him so much, is the most painful of existences. often dark thoughts cross my mind.. it would be better than living with this pain. but he wouldn't want this. and if i end up in hell, i'll never see him when my time comes. we have no choice but to go on. life will forever be different. i have those few well meaning but clueless friends that say, "you never know what life has in store for you. it could be grand". to which i break down and ponder. HOW?? without my soulmate.. what does life mean to me?? people mean well, i suppose, but without being in our shoes, they are clueless. i will pray for you. for peace, for strength. Hugs, irene

We at DS know that outsiders have not got a clue as to what we are going through. We once were outsiders and didn't know we didn't have a clue. It's like when someone says I wonder what it's like to die. We won't know until we are there. It's the same way with losing our soulmates. There's no way to even imagine all you will feel and go through. DS is such a great help!
Peace,
Kathleen