Sundays are the worst, aren't they? I'm here on the computer, trying to get moviated to move, to do something, anything. So much to do, but no desire to do anything. It really sucks big time.

Sorry, but I know how you feel. I don't always feel this way, but I don't have any distractions at the time. That is what usually keeps me going. I distract myself at work, I go on the computer and either browse, dream of taking vacations, play games, anything to avoid the pain.

I do try and read the bible, pray. I have intentions to extersise, walk the dog, cut the grass, clean the house, etc. Those things seem to always take a back seat.

It's been 1 year for me. They say the second year is worse. The reality sets in. Isn't that a great thing to look forward to? I know I will survive, but sometimes it helps to just bitch about it sometimes.

I think the people that have a harder time with it, are the ones that loved harder, more intense. I'm not a very emotional person, and don't show people my emotions. Everyone thinks I'm so strong. They just don't see me crying at night. Nights are the worst. The empty bed. No hugs or kisses. No "I love you" I do miss the sex too. But I'm not interested enough in finding it with anyone else either.

We will survive this Marie, but we won't like it. (((((hugs)))))

Seven months today for me... I think what motivates us is as unique as our grief. I have little kids..full time job...farm...The real hurt is there, but what I have to do every day keeps the pain from becoming truely bad. For each of us, there will be something different that will feed our minds and keep the grief monsters in check. The bad thing is that we all have to do some real work to find out what it is. peace...Kaaren

For each of us grief is the same and yet different. What determines how long we grieve? Do we hold onto grief in fear of losing our love, our memories? Does grief form a stronghold attachment to us prohibiting us from healing? Grief is not a stronghold but lengthy life draining despair is. It is blocking the restorative powers of God. Pray for protection through our season of grief. Trust in God to relieve you of this burden. When you find yourself slipping down call upon Him for strength. It is an effort to move forward, there are many obstacles that would deter you, you must avoid them whenever possible. I pray for you. You have carried this pain for so long. I pray for God to send you peace and happiness.
Linda

Also praying for all of us......there is no answer I can give you......I have good days and I have bad daus, and I have hellatious days...................I don't feel I will ever be "whole" again.........................joined the church choir........used to love music but would rather sit with my "honey" than be in the choir....................now, I am trying that venue...................
I miss NOrm so muchtoo.......................glad to be working part time................and glad for DS friends..............and sooooo glad we are having some GTG......................it is a great bonding experience..............because I don't really fit in anywhere...........it is so great to have a new group of friends I can call or write to..........

Just keep trying to find some comfort wherever you can..................
hugs....L

Everyone grieves differently. I mentioned at bereavement support that I didn't believe it mattered how long you were together, or your age when your partner passed. It was what you "HAD" together. The facilitator said I was absolutely right. Whether I am right or not doesn't make a difference to me. It is just my belief.

My husband passed 16 months ago. Sometimes it seems it was eons ago, and other time it just feels like it was yesterday. And there are times when I feel like he will be coming in the door any minute.

We don't forget, we don't get over it, and we don't move on. We adapt and try to live the best way we can without them.

Blessings, Debbie

Marie,

You asked in your question how do some people getr through this and others have harder time. I can not speake for others, but only for myself. I agree with many here who say that we really don't get over "this", we just learn to live with it, to cope a bit better. I accept the fact that I will miss my One-True-Love/Soulmate until the day I die, and that no other woman will ever mean nearly as much to me as my wife, Pattie. This is a fact of life for me that I must learn to cope with.

I don't see this as a healing process or a stages thing that I need to go through. I don't see it as "grieving for a certain length of time" because I know that my grief for losing the most wonderful thing "soulmate" to happen to me is not relative to time going by. Time will not change how I feel about my wife. There is no timetable involved "for me". I can't pretend to know how much others loved their spouces and how loving their relationships were or if they were soulmates; so I can NOT comment for others. All I know is that it appears to me that because I love my wife SO MUCH and she loves me SO MUCH that it is UNBEARABLE to be apart from each other and will be until the day I die.

I try to keep busy, go out with friends and meet people but I know that my life can never be as joyous as it was when my wife, Pattie was here with me. I am learning to cope in that I am grateful to the Lord for blessing me with allowing us to be together and the blessing and promise of eternal life and love with Pattie when my time comes. This I am thankful for - that the Lord will make life sufficient enough for me until that time comes. God bless you and my prayers go out to you, -Sam

I feel the same way you are not alone. I have no words of wisdom just that you are with agroup who have and had felt the same way'
Ellen

My grandma said after losing my grandpa that you never get over it, you just get good at hiding it. I am slowly finding it to be true.

Movinnurse,

Your granma was SO prophetic. (we can learn so much from our elders) She is abolutely correct about how I feel now and think it will continue to be in my future. Just "learning how to hide the pain better as time goes by"....................

I am now at 8 months and had a very brief reprieve from the sobbing but today was really hard. I had been away but now that I am home I have flasbacks of Rob walking across the deck, getting into the boat, just everything brings me to tears. It's just up and down but the downs are much longer. I read, meditate, try to do tai chi but lack energy much of the time. Looking for meaning but nothing yet. Sorry for your pain. Hug, Donna

I feel the same as you, Marie. My relationship with my Joe is ongoing in my heart and prayers. I don't want another man. My goal now, as long as I live, is to help others in whatever way I can. I have become much more giving since Joe died Dec. 18. I, too, feel that I don't fit in with "crowds" of people because what we have been through is so unbelievable, no one can understand but we who have been there. It is truly like people who have fought in wars and experienced the horror of war. None of us who haven't been there can truly understand. We can only respect the pain those people have. We and they will always carry with us the pain, and just try to manage it by willfully doing things that will help us feel stronger, like prayer and helping others. My opinion.

Everyone's journey is different. For me the second year was not worse. However, a month and a half into my second year I accidentally burn my house down, so perhaps that interruppted or at least distracted me. I do not recommend trying that as it was very difficult in its own rite!
I am 8 months into the third year now and am generally doing much better, but I am not finished with my greiving process by any means. But I find joy in every day.
I could never have made it this far without my friends, family, and my wonderful Lord and Savior though.

I think I feel worse now than before - but I believe a big part of it is related to what has gone on around me. I didn't expect so many friends to desert me. Some I saw one time - I think they felt obligated or something - then not again. I'm going to make an effort to make new friends - but it makes me feel sad that others didn't seem to care more.

My kids aren't home much - I would have thought they would have shown an interest in how I was doing. My mother tries to make things better but makes things worse. I think if I had the support I had expected I'd feel different - but that in itself is hard.

14 months is not so much time ... don't have any good advice.... guess we just have to wait....

Sam, beautifully written. And some would say you were wasting your life, where instead you are being true to your heart and yourself.

I admire that you can openly admit your true feelings and stance on your life.

Blessings, Debbie

From what I have learned in the 1 year that I have been without my best friend is that grief is different for everyone. When you break it down, there are usually two ways in which our spouses departed from us. Those that went suddenly, without warning, in the blink of an eye (most commonly in the form of an accident of some sort) and then those that were ill for a very long time.
For me, because he was ill for the last 8 years of his life, that gave me a lot of time to start the process. Especially when he was put into hospice 2 years ago. Subconsciously, I started my grieving process then with Anger, depression, etc. I'm not saying that I'm finished grieving because I don't feel that I am. However, the reality has set in that he isn't coming back and I must look forward and do what is best for me and my children. Even if it means just taking things 10 minutes at a time, that is what I have to do. There are days when I just want to lay in bed all day and I let myself do just that. In some weird way, that is my body's way of saying "hey, you've been through hell, I'm tired and need to rest."
Hope that this helps. :) Hang in there.