Yep, been there done that!!! I am still dealing with the red tape that goes with our loved one passing. Perhaps it is our denial of their death and it is just so hard to deal with the reality of it all. Try doing just one thing per day. I know that once I got it all done, I felt some relief. Hang in there!!! Hugs. Sue

Michele, what ever you do or don't do....don't beat yourself up over it. If it didn't get done today, make it the priority for tomorrow. It seems there's so much that has to be taken care of. I'm kind of an anal person, with a smathering of OCD. I will badger myself relentlessly until I get whatever it is done.

I have to get a smog test [it's the punishment of living in California] done on my car before I can register it. I have until November to do it but I'm already looking into what shop to take it to, how much is it, how long will it be and can I find a coupon for it. I will pick at it and pick at it until the wound opens up, bleeds, I can then put a band aid on it and I'm done!!! That's me DRAMA!!!! I'm relentless on myself, I don't need anyone else to nag at me.....I do a fine job by myself!

Michele, I wish I could help you get through the muck and mire. I'd help you sort it all out. I can't stand anything UNDONE hanging over my head. Although, every time I have to deal with it all, it is a reminder that I'm all alone now and he's no longer helping me get through it. I totally understand what you're facing and how it all makes you feel.

Roz ♥

I think it is still very early for you Michele. You are doing very well, and as for being disorganized, I think we have all been there. (some of us still are) LOL If there is no rush to get things filed, then take your time. One day you will just say to yourself "I'm going to do ____.today" and you will tackle it with vigor. But don't feel pushed if there is no deadline. As everyone says this is the time to put yourself and your feelings first. Hugs, Darlene

Procrastination and disorganized should be my middle names. I have always had these problems but since Dan died I am much worse. If things are not written down they don't happen. And sometimes if they are written down they still don't get done.

Hmm . . procrastination? LOL . . on a differing topic briefly . . I'm sitting here baby-sitting this newbie site, gladly, yet needing to move on with my day!! Huh . . I guess I really don't care about other responsibilities in this moment, other than taking care of my DS fam, as much as I am allowed. I'm so full of shit. Really! I know the DSWW CL's are reading this . . and would probably love to send me kudos and a hug, but they are too busy covering their asses for the adversarial responses to our new Nadia's post and beyond. I'm still left feeling raw . . again, not sure what this is about??

OOPS . . that was selfish ME!

Michele . . you're gonna be okay, trust. I've had issues w/ the IRS, taxes and safety deposit boxes. All you mentioned, quite the norm. As for your shit list . . just start it, write it, mark off what you have accomplished in any given day and pick up where you left off. It makes life's task so much easier!

As for the VA . . Jim was a veteran of WWII, yup, really. I could have contacted the VA, but didn't. I simply took the $212 (or similar) for the survivor rights of a widow's social security. The least of all, yet . . non-combative. I'm sure there will be others here that will share their respective wins . . . remember to keep posting on the main board for advice!!

Hugs, D

Was Nadia affected by religious issues discussed on the DSWW board? I'm curious what happened. I'm not a very good gossip but am an excellent protector and advocate of people's rights.

What was discussed and why was it adversarial?

Roz ♥

Oh, Roz, that is a loaded question.......it would take a book to describe it. It was what Michele calls a "pissing contest" that went totally haywire. You might have to call someone to get details of the "discussion".

Michele,

Anything having to do with that word "deceased", the death certificate or marriage license brought out the grief monster big time for me. Thankfully my daughter helped me with doing what needed to be done , or I would not have it done either. Our marriage license was in our wedding photo album. When I went to look for it, I thought I would faint. The picture I opened to was of my Lloyd, so young and beautiful......waiting to begin our life together. It just took my breath away......... and after all that, I didn't even need the license!

You'll get it done when the time is right for you.

Thank you for all your help today.

Warm thoughts,
Linda

Linda . . thanks so much for your contemplative, well thought out replies . . even if they can't or don't make sense after the fact of the beloved deceased. You absolutely tried! Atta girl.

Roz . . well, hells bells . . enough mentioned throughout. We ALL busted ourselves mentioning way too much about our respective grief journey, only to be exploited at a later date. Yup, really. How sad?

As for me and mine . . . simply saying g'night now. Peace be with all here.
Nite, nite!! xo, D

Banks, government agencies, The whole financial side of widowhood left me drained. Making a new will was the most difficult for me emotionally. I was lucky in that my oldest daughter did most of what she could for me. good luck with it all-Patti

Those matters can be so stressful, at a time when we do NOT need more stress. It was traumatic to write that word on our tax return, and I put it off as long as I thought I could. It seemed like I was saying that I "accept" his passing, and I really and truly do not. I want to undo it... or wake up and find that I was in a long and terrible nightmare... maybe a coma or something.
You are in my thoughts always!
Hugs, Amy

Okay, okay wondering minds will have to stay wondering.

I'm more concerned about Nadia.......what happened to her?

Okay, back to the forum...I took care of business when it came to procrastinating and disorganization Morey was the KING of both!!!!

Remember Elvis; he had initials painted and sewn on everything he owned, they were: TCB [take care of business!] He was the most efficient, well-thought out, planned business man. He was a genius at marketing himself, along with a great staff, and he knew how to save money. Not a lot of people knew this about him. But I loved him and learned it all when I visited his home in Memphis.

I believe in TCB and pride myself on it. I'm very planned - I scared my kids as they observed me taking care of what Morey had left undone! Not bragging just full of the pride of being on my own for the very first time, taking care of what needed to be taken care of and not depending on anyone else.

Roz ♥

Amy, what you refer to as a nightmare or coma . . I referred to as The Twilight Zone on Steroids! I couldn't find any one descriptive for the entirety of my new reality. Absolutely indescribable. Michele . . we have all had to admit at some point in time that indeed our new reality is truly reality. We often go through the motions (because we have to, not because we want to). It's okay to procrastinate to a point; yet it is also important for our healing that we acknowledge what we must do in assuming responsibility rather than staying in perpetual denial which will not help us grow one iota! With this said . . again, taking it back to baby steps. Not everything has to be done all at once or even in "today". Break it down into manageable tasks. I love the list idea. I had so many lists in the beginning. I would sit in the evening and make my to-do list, rather look over the previous to-do list, mark off what I had accomplished, revise and add, give myself a smiley face, pat on the back . . even when I couldn't mark off one single thing . . I still gave myself an A for remaining "standing and getting out of bed!" Not every day will be a stellar accomplished day . . nor should we expect it to be. As long as we are cognizant and make the effort . . we will eventually get those dreaded tasks done! "A" for effort girlfriend! Hugs, D

I know what you're saying...I still haven't filled out my husband's 'death' forms as I've been calling them...and like you said, I think it has something to do with it becoming too 'real'..just like I haven't thrown out his wheelchairs or his shoes...and the house looks like a bomb went off...I think I haven't given it a good clean because the last time I did, was when I thought my husband was going to be hospiced at home...when that didn't happen, I still had hope that he would be 'better' enough to come home...but he didn't...
On a positive note, I DID get something accomplished yesterday...my son won a settlement with ICBC over an accident he had in a cab several years ago, which was held in trust until he turned 19...we finally submitted all the paperwork for that, and he should be getting it within 10 business days, or so I'm told.

Finally a "break" for you Wendi. This must feel like a huge accomplishment in your camp after having been through hell and back with your financials and goobermint bureaucracy. Maybe now you can get that much needed help with your son so you can take a breather from all of your responsibilities! I'll keep fingers and toes crossed for you.

Roz . . I missed your request re: Nadia. Last I heard, she was back juggling her third job, along with school and raising that sweet angel of hers. She mentioned that she wouldn't have a lot of time to come here . . but I'm hoping she'll check in with us soon. BTW, did any of you look at her photos? Before you do, get out the box of tissues! My heart breaks for her . .