Live, I'm glad you got some of what you needed and wanted from the second relationship. I'm sorry he turned out to be an N.

You are doing really incredibly well given what you have been through. You are right that once you can live in the truth, you can get through just about anything.

It was incredibly tough the first couple months. Honestly I don't know how I made it. It really was day by day because I wanted to die so badly. God had other plans for me I guess. With my ex P being put in jail and deported it helped immensely. I don't think I would be doing so well if I had forced contact in any way. My healing was complete NC. That is why I always recommend it to others. It is the only way in my opinion. If I had to see him, talk to him, or even hear about him indirectly I don't think I would have survived it. I have been able to find myself again. At first people would tell me that I would be ok and that I was a strong woman. I NEVER felt strong....I was falling apart. But damn it....2 years later........fuck him. I am strong and I win! I smile almost every day, I feel peace in my heart, I am a new mama, I control my finances and decisions. There are things I would really like to have in the future like a loving and stable relationship and more financial stability (he stole that from me). But overall....I am an educated woman, nice career, the best friends on this planet, a great son, and an internal peace I would trade for a million dollars. I think this has just taught me to appreciate the good. And dang it is good right now. I hope you all can feel that from me. I get confused about things sometimes but I want to share my happiness on this board.

You are amazingly strong, Live. Many people do not understand why it is so hard to move on after life with a psychopath. They have taken control of you mind, body and spirit, like a virus, and you are actually very ill, when you leave. You have been programmed, on every level, to need the P, and feel like you will die without him. The opposite of the truth. You would die if you stayed). Almost on a cellular level, you have been programmed to believe lies, feed on lies, and require (his) lies.

Victims of P abuse are in a kind fo critical condition. They feel they cannot breathe without the P.

You are right-- NC, the support of other victims of P abuse, reading and a good therapist, time, the desire to be well, these things will lead you out of hell.

You are doing amazingly well. and even being a good mama. Awesome LiveinTruth.

Live you ooze with more peace than anyone I've seen on this site and really in general. I find tremendous hope and inspiration in your posts. I know you have a somewhat similar situation as me so I value you and your opinions. You are far further in recovery than I and it is very clear.
I want to add I know what you mean about the great sex with the N. I think my ex is a little more SP but certainly N. He was attentive and giving and I felt so special. It was crushing to learn that everything he said and did with me -he did with every other woman. I may never feel that passion and "love" again but I hope whatever I feel from another man is at least real. And I'm the only one that is getting it.