Women tend to develop emotions after sex and feel closer to their partner. Good hunters/ players know that very well and use it to lure the women in.
Mine was just a pervert. I was like a blow doll to him. And he had a past in BDSM. (control , of course).

Dana, I get what you mean. I cannot sleep with someone ever unless I had an intense emotional bond. It was just stronger than ever with the ex. I used to think he was just very skilled but now I think it was he did to my mind that made me think sex was so "powerful" between us.

I hear this about psychopaths but it definitely was not my experience. And it makes no sense to me that any of them would be good in bed because they are so self and have no self control. In fact, up until this recent guy I met, who's not a P or an N, I had never had a positive sexual experience in my life. The 2 psychopaths and 2 narcissists I had dated prior to this guy were absolutely horrible in bed.

My first bf, a passive aggressive N, was very premature. Like a few seconds. Sometimes he couldn't even get it in. When I read "Living With the Passive Aggressive Man", it said this was common. There was nothing loving about sex with him. No talking, no eye contact, no kissing, no affection, no caressing, no cuddling, no flirting, etc. It was pure sex, lasted a few seconds, was solely for his benefit, and then was over.

The next guy, sociopath, had severe ED. After finding out, post breakup, that he was a sex offender and pedophile, I wonder if that's because he wasn't sexually attracted to a woman. When someone gets to a certain level of sexual perversion, normal sexual relations are no longer stimulating for them. When I met him, he had TONS of porn on his computer, which he promptly deleted and which I believe might have been kiddie porn because later, the cops would seize his computer after an investigation into some crime which they were unable to get enough evidence for because he had wiped the computer clean. So I'm assuming that he was able to get it up while watching this porn, or why did he have it? I don't recall ever successfully having sex with him. I know he tried everything imaginable, including meds, in his attempt to. It was just frustrating and annoying.

The next, another passive aggressive narcissist (also sex addict), had the smallest penis I have ever seen in my life. We had sex maybe twice. It was horrible. He was just horrible at it. And again, nothing romantic or affectionate.

Then, the next psychopath (rapist). Nothing enjoyable about that experience. Again, was just sex, was just him using my body to get off. Nothing romantic or loving. I had dating him for 6 weeks and he was absolutely horrible at kissing and everything else.

None of the four of them had any clue what they were doing. And I didn't even know any better because it was all I had ever experienced. It wasn't until I met this guy that I finally understood what all the hype is about sex. He had self control, would stop whenever he sensed I was uncomfortable, was very affectionate, eye contact, kissing, caressing. Very sensual. Playful. Everything that it should be.

*self centered

I was so busy pleasing him because I was afraid he was going to leave me and talked about ex - girlfriends even in bed that I didn't pay attention as much to whether he was pleasing me. I just wanted my drug.
I was in such stress then and I wanted to relax and I didn't want to do anything that will make him leave me so I would have to deal with one more thing. Can you identify with that?

Mine was not selfish at all in the beginning but that changed. In fact he would great pleasure in giving a woman pleasure. It was ego boosting and supply. Made him feel like the man. He got selfish later. Put forth little effort etc. But in the beginning he was so "in love" with me that he could almost just have been near me and I was aroused.

I was always afraid he would leave me but I thought we had "mind blowing" sex so that didn't worry me. I thought that the sexual chemistry was so intense and special that it couldn't be recreated by him with another woman. I later found out that he was doing with me exactly what he did with every one else. Nothing special about our sex at all.

When one doesn't have the ability to emotionally connect then sex is kinda the same with everyone and there is a lot of it to feed the emptiness because of the lack of ability to connect.

Definitely, all the tenderness SNP put into sex is just a big rehearsed production. There is no love or bonding taking place in the process. My XP, early on, could be engaged in a very convincing act with me, stop the second his phone beeped, pull out and run naked down the hall to his phone, sext with his ex-wife, come back to bed, and resume the production. He could do this 5-6 times within one episode. I didn't know what he was doing, and at 59, I had never witnessed anything remotely similar. I get it now. He could do that because he was not really into what he was doing with me.

At the end of 3 years, 2 of them living together. he downloaded large amounts of his homemade porn of another woman into my laptop. I discovered the same in all his devices. I asked him why he had this everywhere. He told me it was because he masturbated to it every single day, while I was talking a bath. This particular time would indicate that he did it right after having sex with me. The woman was hideous, just stomach-turning to look at.

This was his way of telling me that our sex left him with no feelings for me, left him empty, not just empty, but hungry for a woman that 99% of men would run the other direction from. (I have showed her photo to some of them, and they have confirmed this.)

I know this was desgined to hurt, shame and devalue me, but I also witnessed, over 3 years, that sex was meaningless to him, it had no emotional component, no bonding was involved. He was usually either immersed in porn or sexting another woman very soon after.

He did have his act, techniques, language. love-bombing, eye contact--the whole production all together, so that his sex victim would feel it was intensely special, but by the end, I knew it was all a ruse. He actually felt nothing beyond the endless twitching at the end of his thing. I was duped.

The first P relationship I had began in what I can only describe as intense. It was like no other sexual experience I have had and it was intruiging....at first. Quickly it became aggressive and somewhat monotonous with him claiming to like it that way. I was confused but I thought maybe I had untraditional experiences in the past and maybe this is really what it should be. I wanted sex because that was the time I felt closest to him. He began to pull away more and more and having ED issues. Our whole relationship he refused certain things because it was nasty. It was strange. He did border on violent a couple times but told me he was just really into it and lost his mind. Once he even raped me. He pinned me face down on the bed where I could not move any of my limbs, climbed on, and went to town. I was crying and begging him to get off me in what breath I could muster because he was so heavy. I was very confused as to why he was not listening to me and hurting me. Afterward I was very quiet and he asked me what was wrong. I told him and he began to cry....asking why I did not tell him to stop and said he didn't know that was the area he was in. I did...about 50 times! He held me and felt so bad that I let it go and went to cook him dinner. Ugh! I found out later that he was not repulsed by anal sex like he said but had been into in for many years from both men and women...it was his preferred position. I had never and it is not my thing at all! I also found out that during our relationship that he was getting this type of sex from everywhere he could find it. He just was careful as to what I knew about his desires. My therapist called it Madonna Whore syndrome. The things he was doing was disgusting! I also found out a few months ago that I am not the first person he has raped in the same manner. He has done it before and continued to use the EXACT same MO with his next victim. Hurting her very badly. This is how I knew she was legit....listening to her describe her experiences. I am the most ashamed about letting this go. I still cannot believe that I accepted his BS and went and cooked him dinner after he raped me! I hate this. I will post more about my second N experience which was muuuuuuch different.

Wow Live. How awful. We do things at times that we cannot understand until later - if ever. My sex with SP was getting dull. He would ask me over, then go up to his room and tell me to join when I wanted. The last time that happened I sat there for an hour. Gathered my things and just left. The next morning he was so upset that I did that. He made me feel like a piece of meat at the end. He abused me so badly emotionally that I couldn't even get aroused anymore. I hated him for leaving my child. Towards the last year of our sex I faked the whole thing. I felt violated every time he touched me. He stole my body and my soul. One time I was pregnant and we had sex in an empty apartment (we both were coupled so our homes were not available). For some reason I bleed profusely. We assumed I was miscarrying. There was blood everywhere. I was scared. He had to "get home" so I went to a store and bought cleaning products and spent two hours scrubbing the blood of what I thought was my child off the floor while he went home and took care of his family. Just apathetic of me. So shameful.

And he did me anal once. I had never done that and didn't want to and he knew it. It was towards the end I was desperate to not lose him. I bent over, he did it, I pulled my pants up and walked out. We never discussed the event after that. I'm pretty sure my ex has slept with men too. He would never ever admit that to me but he had a philosophy of "a hole is a hole".

Live, that is so horrible. He's a monster. At least niether of my P's did abnormal things like that--not with me, anyway. I hope you have had the right kind of counseling to deal with that brutal rape. I'm so sorry that happened to you. .

The second N I was with came immediately after the P. I knew I was not ready to date but I also knew that my skin was crawling with the P. I mentally needed a way to rid myself of him. Not have his germs on me. He had been caught grooming my 12 year old niece, child porn on our devices, sex with men and prostitutes, numerous affairs. It ALL came to light within a month. It was a house of cards and when it fell it fell and left me in shambles. I felt dirty and disgusting. My son's father came along. While he is also an N, he saved my life. The sex with him was amazing. It lifted me out of my fog. It was fun and tender. He spent hours pleasuring me. Looking back it was not for my benefit but for his N needs, but at the time it certainly felt like it. We had tons of fun together and he wanted to have a child with me. This was something that the P and I had been trying to do for 2 years. I was desperate to be a mom. When the P relationship fell apart, my dreams of becoming a mom went with him. When the new N wanted to do that with me, it took me a little time to say ok. I did get pregnant and very quickly. He was amazing but wanted to get married. I was not ready for marriage as this was only 5 months since D day, but I was pregnant and we had agreed to co parent. Then I discovered that he was not what he seemed either. While he is not evil like the P, he is an N and when his desires for a new life fell apart after I found he was a cheater and liar, I ended our relationship and he decided he did not want the baby either. He turned very quickly. But he did fulfill my greatest dream. I am a mama now and a very good one. I am happy! The sex between these two men were like night and day! The first was damaging and hurtful. The second was wonderful and I am not sure I will ever get sex that great again. I think it really depends on the type of PSN they are. I have written before about the disorder spectrum I have dealt with and the sex just solidifies these ideas.

Thanks kris. Yes I have been in heavy duty therapy consistently for the last 2 years to help with the CD, gaslighting, etc. I feel like I am doing so much better. Once you can live in truth no matter how bad it is, it is always better than the lies and manipulation. I really am happy in the present....still just trying to figure out my future.