Error sorry. addiction to my ex.

Without elaborating, I agree with Nutellina’s initial post.

I commend every woman out there who is staying strong and raising her children the best she can with a sociopath in her and her children's lives. Hugs and continued strength to you all.

Sorry emysty, but after reading escape’s post, I think that forgotten’s interpretation is correct, in that many sociopaths DO use marriage and pregnancy in order to lock a victim to them. And yes, you are quite right- for a minimum of 18 years. Like a jail sentence… but worse.

agreed

loverfighter, thanks...yes when a victim start showing strength and want to leave..one of their tools is getting her pregnant, the S think that will keep her in her place.

and unfortunately that is many times what happens..I am sorry for all of you who had to struggle with having your children exposed to these cruel people...I know it really does affect them..I think also many of us have grown up in dysfunctional homes so we know it hurts and affects us when we grow up.

I'm playing devil's advocate once again ...

It takes two people to make a baby, and a psycho doesn't really want the responsibility that comes with raising kids. My cousin is dating (I suspect) a psycho, and the silly girl has gone and got herself pregnant in the hope that he will settle down, and stop messing her around. (shes in for a nasty shock).

Psychopaths use children as pawns in their power games. Mine tried to win my son over with presents and trips to the zoo etc ... he even undermined me when I told my son 'no' for whatever reason, but my son never took to him as a person, despite these (apparent) kind gestures. When he gets old enough to understand (he's only 12 at the moment) I am going to educate him on psychopathy, so that he is aware that these creatures are out there, and the harm that they can do. I never want him to go through any of what we have all been through. He is going to know the truth.

if you have no children RUN. dont fall for the lets have a baby routine they will use on you. they will use it to control you even more!!

escape you are correct. my family member is a spath. i believe one of his family members is also a spath. it is hereditary...

i have to hope and pray ots hereditary only because they are eing nurtured by sociopaths. I have to believe I can be watchful and loving and help my children avoid falling into their pit of insanity.

I was trying to conceive with my spath for the last year. I have been kinda sad that it never happened. You all make me rethink that sadness. I am trying on my own without him but after reading your comments I think maybe I should be grateful it wasn't with him. I am sorry for the crap that you all have been through with your spaths and children.

You had a lucky escape Liveintruth

A lucky escape indeed! Theres no doubt in my mind My STBX husband had sex with me while I was passed out drunk because I always used protection with him because I didnt like BC and he had genital warts (red flag) and almost 3 months later i discovered I was preggers. It turned out to be the greatest joy of my life but I know he did it on purpose to keep me because I told him we were no good for each other and I wanted a divorce.... On a side note I used to feel so bad because he always drove me nuts and I assumed it was me (partly because he told me I was nasty, bitch etc.) but I guess its because they truly are impossible people to be around long term. They're just flat out annoying, needy, deceitful, idiots. Thankfully he wants nothing to do with our son since I won full custody but I still wish he would just die. It kills me that my son's self esteem will eventuslly take a beating for this scumbag. Count your blessings to all that dont have children with them.

* I meant I hope and pray Its NOT hereditary.

A belated clarification because this is important for future readers.

Whether they purposely try to get you pregnant or not to trap you, once you have a child with them, you are tied to them. If they want something from you, they can use having a child (getting one or just having one you already had) as a way to keep you in the relationship with them to their benefit, probably with you doing most of the work and them taking as much as they can throughout. For a lot of parents, they will try to stay in a relationship "for the kids". So, without necessarily intending it to be that way, their kids become the hook that keeps them in. The marriage, by itself, would not have been enough of a hook when they are so awful to us.

Looking back on it, mine may have actually tried to get me pregnant for the reason of trapping me and obligating me in multiple ways to him. I don't know that for sure, but there are some indications of that before getting pregnant. Just before I was, his real behavior started to show (romantic honeymoon period where they charm you over), and the problems started. Maybe he sensed he might lost me. Again, looking back on it, I was probably among the closest times to divorce just before or while I was pregnant with our first child. Everything after that changed from what had been a much more pleasant time with him in our marriage. I'll never regret having my kids, but that was the dividing line between "before" with good behavior and "after" with bad behavior on his part. And boy did he push things and take advantage to the max!

Even after divorce, many years later, we are still somewhat bound together by co-parenting, and forever by our children in sharing their lives and all the big events, holidays, gatherings, etc. So, it is not like I can ever just go no contact like so many in this forum recommend. It is not legally possible, and it is not feasible, and my children would not find it acceptable. I'll never be fully free. And I have the worry about children or grandchildren developing problems similar to his.

So, if you're not sure you are in a relationship like this, be sure before you commit to a child, is all I think we are saying.