Victims of Psychopaths Community Group
Is he or she a sociopath or psychopath? Think we're only talking about serial killers here? Psychopaths, sociopaths and even narcissists come in every walk of life, every career level, and every socio-economic category.
He keeps calling me , text me, leaving messages. He keeps saying he needs to talk to me. Honestly it's kinda scary. I never picked up. I don't want to talk to him. I found 15 calls in the last two hours.
Before all of this, and my serious attempts at no contact it was constant calling, messaging, texting, calling every number linked to me, family members, multiple social networks, I was constantly blocking things, changed numbers, then blocking alternative accounts he would create to still contact me. Going no contact really did decrease his antics but it hasn't yet put a stop to them by any means. I guess it takes much much longer.
Mine also would accuse me of having someone new, looking for someone new, etc. He did this during the relationship (when it was really him looking for new relationships and not me) and after too. But after I made it clear I was gone and cut contact the tactics in his messages changed. The abuse and accusation vanished and were replaced by a weak version of the initial love bombing, at a much slower rate, no more constant attempts but slowed to 1 or 2 a week. I didn't reply to that either and thats when he sank to the fake emergency. So just a heads up on possible patterns yours may follow...they get very predictable eventually.
Sometimes s will target any new or potential love interests in a fleeing previous victim's life. The targeting can take the form of trying to claim you in front of potential new mates, like how a dog marks his territory (even if you are broken up with him), picking fights (usually remotely ie over the internet, phone, etc, unless they are prone to physical confrontation) with anyone they even suspect may take interest in you, and finally the worst form is if they are extreme enough to get violent and even homicidal...I've read other's stories about s actually trying to murder (sometimes successfully) the new mate of a previous victim they didn't want to let go of. To them they may see the new relationship as an obstacle they can simply "do away with" to regain access to the fleeing previous victim, or they may be in vengeance mode wanting to punish their previous victim for having dared to break free and move on with her life by attempting at any extreme to ruin her chances for happiness.
None of these are appealing to me and many of them have been traits my s has demonstrated and thus I try to keep my personal life away from him so he does not make any potential targets of people in my life. If they ask questions about your life, fishing to see if you've moved on or who you might be getting close to, give them NO trail to follow at all. Even if you have new close friends they will seek to destroy those connections. All info about one's personal life should be hidden to the best of one's ability from the s.
I know I don't have to answer but I feel very guilty. What about if he is really in trouble like you were saying? So did you regret speak with him? I know I don't have to answer but I need support. I kinda feel a bad person. Even thought he didn't have any pity for me.
So......I don't get it.....does he needs my help or he just wanna come back with me? Because if he were smart he would had said the all love thing before to ask my help. Not easy . You guys were right. It's not easy.
He understands my mind and where my buttons are and he knows I would react to that immediately because he knows I don't like to have falsehoods forced on myself in any way. I had enough trouble coming to terms with the fact that he will probably always slander me to people the same way he carried on doing with his ex before me for many many years after they had broken up and despite keeping regular close (and abusive) contact with her...but what he fabricated was just too far and I couldnt just ignore it. I guess I still fear his reactions and wanted to make sure I cleared it all up so nothing worse was created via his radical forms of vengeance.
Today I am going to see if I can confirm if his story had any basis in truth or not. If not I wont be falling for anything like this again to get me to break NC. Even if he claimed to need help I am with the others, he doesn't need/deserve it. Trust me his new victims are more than willing to be the sitting ducks that help and at least they still believe he is mr perfect so helping him will feel "good" to them at this point. Wash your hands and keep going with NC. The more I go on the more I see, feel and KNOW that its the only way. Like playing dead during a bear attack. Don't even BLINK or they might realize you are alive. I ponder going into temp hiding every day just so that he can't track me online via social networks. I have all my privacy as tight as I can but I think the fact that knowing I am still around and that he might add me with another account to see how I am doing may set him into that spiral mode of trying to destroy my life again just because I am healing and being happy again without his abuse and torture in my life. Now I need to go work out and release all this anxiety before I get ill from it.
Don't buy it he sounds IDENTICAL to my psycho.
He would bombard me, and then say I was with someone else.
This is about
1. Control
2. Finding out what you are doing
3. Covering for himself and his own actions (deflecting)
Its a psychological trick. If he accuses you of something, it takes attention off of him. You begin to defend yourself, don't fall for it. .... well unless of course, you want to play with him - for fun!
Its ok to just say 'ignore it' but I found this difficult. What is probably easiest is to set up blocking on your phone. But what I found - was that if I ignored him for too long, guaranteed he would show up at my house, shouting through the letterbox, yelling in the back garden - and then the police were called.
In fact i lots of times called the police before he even got here. The texts will go from
1. What are you doing
2. Are you with someone else - cant believe you have met someone else so quick
3. Threatening you (and then the smear campaign begins)
There is nothing more crazy than a psycho who has lost control. its the one thing that makes him melt down to insanity and there is no reasoning with him.
Believe me, that if you did respond to him, if you did what he wanted - he would only do the same thing again. its about control.
You cant control him. So the only thing you CAN do, is control you.
He even show up at my door today. I didn't open obviously but.....wow!