You have us to speak to. P victims are often encouraged to write a letter, and don't send it. You could keep it in your computer and add to it, as you think of more things to say.

I know that's why I'm here but it is so hard. Never having said a thing. When it all went down and the mask was shattered I was so in shock that I didn't make any contact -I had to process. Several months later when I "got it" I only received silent tx.
I'm almost positive he will have more kids....I'm thinking I have to get a court order for more support because otherwise it will go to the kids that not only get a dad but the financial support too. I'm scared. I'm lost.

lovechild, It is your decision, but the desired goal is to stop caring what he does in his future. And the longer No Contact continues, the sooner you will reach your goal. The only good reason t take him to court for more support for your child would be because your child needs the support. Otherwise, you are needlessly entangled with him which will slow your healing process..

I feel that you need empathy, somebody to put himself and your position and understand how you feel and where you are coming from when you speak about your experience. He cannot provide that for you.
If he cannot be a good father to your child, he cannot be a good father to any child. He was there the night your child was conceived, and it's on him too. I understand your frustration that he can choose his family and disown what he doesn't like or care for. Well...he is a dad if he likes it or not. But you have to protect yourself from toxic. Ask for help enough to get yourself and your child better. The rest of the chaos in his life doesn't matter. You have to be the grown up because he is clearly very immature.

I understand completely where you are coming from love child, the need to get it all off your chest.

It's likely anything you say will be stonewalled or you could be met with verbal abuse, none of that will make you feel better. Nothing you ever say or do will change him, he will turn everything to be your fault. Better for you to go dark on social media for a while, cut contact with him and anyone associated and focus on healing. When your son is tucked up in bed, scream shout and let the pain out (a pillow helps muffle the sound - can you tell this is tried and tested ) ....focus on yourself.

I know it's difficult, from my past experience though any contact I've had with my ex left me worse for the wear emotionally. I felt poisoned by him, Only time can heal your soul xxx

People are being held hostage mentally by psychopaths and that's the hardest prison to break free from.
I don't know your ex and I don't know what he is capable of and what is going through his head. I urge you to limit his options to hurt you and your child and think about safety first.
You don't know what he is thinking of when he is with the OW , we know that they are wearing a mask.
My last interaction with him was so damaging , I still cannot recover. I was no longer useful so he showed his true self making sure it was clear to me that he has no problem to sacrifice my life to get away with what he has done in the past and pursue his new happy life.

That's it Dana. Choosing your family. We don't get to choose our parents, siblings etc. How can one do that to their kid? My son said today "you're mommy and daddy". I said yes, "I'm mommy and daddy little man".
I'm trying to stay silent. I'm trying. I don't want to regress. I want to progress.
Anyone see Wild? Wow - what a movie. I don't think I've cried like that in years.

Because he cannot put himself in your position or your kids position. Your kid will have only one father, but his father may have more than one child with different women. That's how they take unique = essential from people they are involved with. They are special and they can have a few women, a few kids, and the psychopath is the center.
You are not a daddy. The father has a different role from the mother. I can see why this is so hard on you.
Make sure your emotional connection with this man is over, so you can deal with him being the father of your child and that's for good.

He will have nothing to do with our kid. Nothing. He does not care about the kid. He's so.mentally deranged he is convinced.himself that our son is better off without him. Oh but none of his other kids are...just mine. I didn't ruin his marriage, destroy him, expose him, take his money - HE did all that to himself but he holds me, and my son by proxy, responsible for all of it.

And it is your right to start over and find a good man who will be a good father also.
I am not sure you exe's decision is final. He may change is mind, but you have to be stable so that no matter what he does he cannot harm you or your son.
I hope you have already forgiven yourself. You have been deceived. And you know it now.

Thanks Dana. Hard to forgive myself for bringing a child into this mess. The ex.told me from day one of my pregnancy that he would never be involved. I didn't want to believe him but I also couldn't terminate. So it's hard to forgive myself because the ex was clear from day one when it came to the baby that he would never be a father. Then for the last three years has manipulated me into giving him some of his child support back each month - because he told that only of I don't get child support would he even think of stepping up for his son. As I'm buying into this CRAP, he was telling the OW that he almost got me to drop the order. Pig.

There was a promise you held on to. And then the promise became hope. Psychopaths go half way. He can make you do things for his benefit, make you believe he is a partner and then leave when he's done. And you don't understand what happened.
I am sure there is a pattern that helped him infiltrate your life. A broken promise.
The things I have seen and heard victims do for and because of psychopaths are incredible. Just from the exes of my psychopath.
He is blocking your access to him by putting the other woman between you. That's how I see it. They always hide behind someone.

Just to wrap up what I am saying, the first thing I think you should do is make sure he knows you or your son are not going to compete for his attention with other women and children. His other chaos should not be a part of your conversation and you should not let it in your life.

Love, stop chasing after that man. For good. ANY communication with him is a disaster. I understand wanting him to care. I do. I am in the SAME freaking boat. But the more you want it the less he is likely to give it. I really think you need to move on and stop wanting him to want your son. Imagine if he showed up at your door all of a sudden wanting a relationship. What would you say? Would your really just let him do that after everything he has done to both of you? Or would you be very hesitant because you already know in your gut what that douche is about? I get wanting that.....I believe that a main motivator for my son's father staying away is because I wanted him there. This was a man who planned a child with me, wanted to be with me every step of the pregnancy, and initiated all of desires. Once I ended a romantic relationship with him then he through away his son as well. Why? Well I believe two reasons. First, because that was where he was able to piss me off. He could not affect me in any other way. Once I caught him cheating and ended it, he had ZERO control. He could not convince about marriage, living together, nothing. I was done. He could control me with our child though. So he did and still does. Second, it is who he is. Without genuine love, once I ended our grown up relationship, he was not getting his needs met anymore. The game was over. No motivation to stick around for our child. He does not love him, gets nothing out of me or his child, so what is the point? I assume he will come around again at some point when he has needs. And then I will reassess exactly how much I can let him in. I will NOT allow him to hurt our child. But until that day happens I also cannot make blanket statements that I will never allow him in.....I have to wait patiently. You are in a similar boat with some differences though. I have said this before......first, you are still really angry about your relationship with him. You are still waaaay too invested in his life. You have this bad need for closure with him. Until that all goes away you cannot entertain anything about a relationship for your son. Your feelings would just fuck things up for your kid anyway. That is not fair to him. If his father somehow has a personality transplant and wants to be a dad, that is your kid's relationship not yours. And at this point there is no way that would happen. You have to stop giving a shit about what this man does in life. Find a "family" to surround your son. INCLUDING male role models. They are out there. You know how you start healing? By stopping the obsessive thoughts, the constant desires for different, going over and over and over in your mind about situations and conversations. There is no trick. You just stop. If you can do this then your new life will begin to take shape.

You are all brilliant. Seriously. I don't see why/how anyone would not want any of you. You are all incredibly passionate, kind, considerate, insightful and real.
Live you are right 100%. I'm still going through the phases. It Is fresh.
I agree completely. He is staying away from our son because it is what I want. The minute I really don't want it and don't care, bet he's at the door. I hate to even think going through all this for him and his needs - only.
I am obsessive by nature, so this hard..not having my say/word has been hard. I don't chase him at all. I don't ask to parent, I don't send pics or put anything about my child on social media etc. I'm invisible to him and I keep it that way. He doesn't deserve to even know about my son. Not what he looks like, what is about, his milestones etc. I tell nothing.
I surround my son with many great people but they are all women! I have no men in my family. I really really wish I did. I've thought about asking my daughters dad to play a role but there is a reason I left him and I'm not sure about that - he is a good guy though and although he hates that I left him, he might be willing to play a role. One milestone to share with my online family:he's potty trained! Yippee!