Just wanted to add that YES, if they are talking, they are LYING. My EX N lied about anything and everything right from the start, insignificant and significant, when it benefitted him and when it didnt benefit him and even when it hurt his own cause...i mean looking back it really was amazing what a SICKNESS he has. We all know being in the middle of it is like being in a tornado so it took me a while to figure out what was going on, but when I did, I KNEW it had to end and things would never change. That was fundamentally who he is, he will never see or acknowledge it or do anything about it, he can't, there is no help for him/them. So yep, realizing he was a chronic pathological liar who would never acknowledge it or have a desire to change was what led me to end it. It KNEW it would always be the SAME THING over and over and it was all fake/lies and not a relationship at all and he had no care/concern or feelings for me. Hard Hard Hard to swallow, but the TRUTH.

Where I will agree that they seem to lie about everything, I don't necessarily think that they are all good liars. Not in my experience anyway! In the beginning of my relationship, I had plenty of red flags but I chose to ignore them. Right from the beginning I could sense that something was amiss with his personality, he talked about himself non stop, who he knew, what he'd done etc etc .. most of this was confirmed as BS later on in the relationship. I had plenty of warning voices telling me 'he's so full of shit' 'he has no depth' and so on ... I ignored them all!

I wanted to believe that he wouldn't deliberately hurt me, everyone has character flaws, everyone makes mistakes etc but I agree Coffeecupgirl that you have to reach a point where you must draw the line and really look at the reality of the nightmare you are living in. Nothing changes in a sociopathic relationship, one bad thing after another happens, you go round and round and keep coming back to the same point. Didn't Einsein define insanity as 'doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results'

* Einstein I meant (sorry!)

manyrivers-I agree, my EX N was also a terrible liar and I too had many, many red flags that I ignored from the start. Same as yours, talked/boasted about himself who he knew, what he had done, etc... it felt uncomfortable and like he was a BSer, but I ignored my gut instinct. He was a terrible liar and after a while was an embarassment to me when I realized he kept telling the same stories over and over and they were heavily embellished and very old. Like he had met a newscaster while in high school when she came to visit/speak at his high school. The reality was she was a local anchor that spoke at his school and shook hands afterwards with many students...His version was always "I'm friends with (inser news anchor)" Ive known her and been friends with her since high school, she's really cool and we used to hang out a lot" And another one: He had a friend that worked for a race car team (probably a janitor or something) Well, that story went like this "I know (insert race car driver)". My friend so and so works WITH him and I go up there and hang out with them all the time, he is a great guy. LIES, all embarassing LIES!!!

Here's one of my favorites--repackaging something I've said or done and
portraying as his own original idea. This got to be so blatant that he would
actually say no loudly to me when I said something and repeat the exact
same statement back to me. When I would call him out on it. he would
either accuse me of being either paranoid or crazy. Lovely.

Oh and if I said something half way interesting, he'd had always already
heard it, read it, or thought it.. Everything to them is a constant competition,
and the lying helps prop up their insane notion that they are the little gods
of their tiny universe.

So boring.

You're right betty; I think the one I always talk about does that in round about way.

I can totally relate coffeecupgirl. mine was a bare knuckle boxing champion and a professional poker player ha-ha! (apparently!) It turns out that he couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag and the nearest he got to a poker championship was on texas hold em on facebook! LOL!

@ bettybean

My ex quite often told me a story that I had actually told him weeks beforehand. He told so many lies that I think he just lost track of who had told him what! I can also relate to the competition thing too, he is an egotistical idiot with the intelligence of a common garden snail, it must have been frustrating trying to compete with me, because 99 times out of 100 he lost!! He had a major issue with me having been to university and never missed an opportunity to demean me on that score (or students in general).

I can relate to every bit of that as well manyrivers. You know, I can't help but catch myself right now: the way I'm talking, just agreeing with all of you, not going into any great detail, is a way a lot of liars like to lie, including mine.

It's like discovering a whole new species at times Aspin. (Darwin would be proud of us I'm sure!). the traits are so strikingly similar in each and every one of them, that they should have their own taxonomical sub-group (branching off homo sapien). Pathological lying is perhaps the most common trait they seem to all share, and ironically the one that seems to lead to the discovery of what they really are.

They lie left, right and centre and in such a smooth and natural way. It doesn't matter whether it's necessary or not, they just lie and lie and lie. And because they lie about anything, everything, anytime and anywhere, we as normal human beings with normal functioning brains, get so confused and start doubting our own judgment and that's what those sick P want to happen to us! Mess up our heads and lives and make it all our fault! They thrive when they succeed with their stupid sick games so to make them stop lying, have NC with them because there is no other way to stop them! Their need to lie is like our need for nutrition.
I fought long and hard to get to where I am now and there is no way I am letting him break the NC! He is desperately trying to contact me despite being warned by the police. I am ignoring all his stupid attempts to contact me until he gets bored and leave me alone.

I am very much into UFC/MMA fighting. One of my Ex's jobs was a body guard (I didn't actually see him so I don't know if it is true, but it was possible because of his full time job) He was going off to his weekend job and said the person he was guarding was George St. Pier. He is one of the best, holds the title. He could have chosen a lesser known fighter, of course he had to pick the baddest and the best! The fighter fought this weekend and I couldn't even enjoy the fight or the party I was attending because I was remembering all the lies he told me for 2 days that whole weekend was nothing but lie after lies of texts and phone calls, I remembered them vividly. He made up VERY DETAILED lies for two whole straight days. I had some doubt, so I questioned him a lot and he had an answer for everything and it made sense so I ended up believing him. I feel so dumb about it now. He said that he had gotten in a fight while guarding him, I was so worried about him. As a result from the “fight” he said he broke his shoulder and I babied him for a long time after that! Ugh talk about embarrassing! None of it happened, he was home with his wife and children the biggest lie of all and the most hurtful. My dad cheated on my mom and I saw her suffer from it, I hated the OW. I would have never messed with anyone with a family because of that. He took that vow away, I feel so bad for his children. I didn’t know anyone was capable of anything like that! He seemed so normal at first, I didn’t even suspect. I was so naïve and trusting, now I am so guarded. I have a hard time believing men’s stories, I think they are lying.

@Nikki, You must be a really strong and healthy person for not giving in to the N/S that was stalking you. That is truly amazing, If a N/P didn't break you nobody probably could! I hope to never again give into anyone that doesn't deserve my time and energy.

Hello Brainless, Welcome, don't worry about rambling, we are all here to tell our stories. I am sorry that you are still living and dealing with your N/S don't be embarrassed, you are here for support. I know of another blog that kicks the members out if they break their NC, I thought that was horrible everyone is different and is in different situations. It is not like that here everyone is very supportive and non-judgmental. You figured out what your partner is, Girl! that is far from brainlessl!!!

Neive,
Thank you for your encouraging words. He definitely didn't break me but he has certainly done a lot of damage. I am seriously suffering from PTSD eight months on. I know it takes a long time to heal from these things but I just can't wait for the day he's out of my system. It's all the lies, deceit and manipulation that are still haunting. I can't believe how far they can go with their lies to trick their victims. My stomach turns when I remember what he's done to me especially when constantly tormenting me with his 'suicidal' thoughts and me constantly trying to put him off it. He enjoyed my suffering and it was all based on LIES. He was so convincing and I feel so so so stupid I believed him. I wish I knew what I know now, I would've reported him from day one and saved myself all this pain.