yes. i feel it's too painful to go into right now, but yes. and also the other things you describe.. same.

Oh god yes. They lie like breathing. And yes, I've had the experience of
them being able to keep up a lie for years. I think that proves that they
know what the hell they're doing.

Our whole relationship was a lie in itself.
I'm sure he's planned a lot of this lies out. He's a good chess player, which makes him good at planning his next move.
He probably lies so much that he can come up with it on his feet. He probably uses the same lies over and over again to different people.

Yes it's too painful to think about the details again...

There were a few things that he told me and then months later he said he did not say such a thing. I let it go because it was not significant. I should have taken that as a sign there was something not right.

They are MASTERS at lying and they do it so naturally you don't even doubt them! What hurts the most is that it takes you so long to discover their sick and twisted minds and even when you start confronting them they lie about lying without even blinking an eye! No shame or guilt whatsoever.And that goes for all P in your life not just partners. They don't tell the truth even insignificant things but I am not sure if they plan to lie or they just CAN'T tell the truth. It's so painful to remember all those stupid lies it makes me so angry I wasted my time and energy on nothing! They are just a waste of space!

I suspect they lie to get the power rush. I've had the experience of lying about
some things to several narcs/psychos in my life, and I admit being the only one
"in" on my own little secret was a powerful and almost giddy feeling.

Of course I was lying to avoid dealing with their crazy BS, not because I
wanted to get off fooling someone. For the N/P, i think it's all about the power.

And I also wasted years and years trying to figure out if it was me that
was screwed up. Nikkiyates, like you said, all that wasted time and
energy on nothing!!

It's so embarrassing to think when they were lying they knew we were being fooled. I get all sweaty when I think he enjoyed fooling me especially when he continuously threatened suicide and all the worries and emotional turmoil he put me through was all a big fat lie just to keep in touch with me. They keep lying and lying and lying until you can't believe them anymore even when they tell the truth. They do it so slyly that they put some truths in their lies so you'd believe the whole thing. They are so good at it that the harder you try to catch them in a lie the more confused you become. They mess up your head with their fabricated stories and you end up obsessing about being lied to and taken for a fool. They have no limits or boundaries and they can do unbelievable things to cover up their lies. You can never catch them as they're always a step ahead of you. The best way to deal with them is to stay away from them and have absolutely NO CONTACT so they wouldn't be able to lie and mess up our heads anymore!

I have been a victim of 2 sociopaths in my life my ex husband where the whole marriage was a lie and he abused me. My second relationship first after my divorce is over and I discovered he was carrying on another women and also married. He is so good at lying and making you believe him you fall for it over and over again. I am now facing bankruptcy and regaining my respect in the community after being with him. The one other women went back with him. It is so hurtful and devastating to live with such cruel callousness of ways he lied. Said he loved me and it all was lie. How do you recover and ever trust again? How do they ever pay for their cruelty to people?

Buglump sorry u were so unfortunate to have 2 in your life. These animals are truly vile and cause serious emotional pain but they haven't a clue as to the destruction they cause because they don't have the feelings we have. They are a waste of skin. In my opinion they will never pay for their actions because they truly don't care about anything but themselves and they don't get embarrassed or ashamed....they'll just act like no big deal and move on to the next victim

I can totally relate to what you have written Nikkiyates. If you can't trust a person then you have nothing! And trying to function in a relationship without it will eventually drive you insane. It's far too fundamental to compromise, and yet I thought at first that I could cope with the undercurrents of him making a fool of me. But the lies don't stop, they keep coming, and you get to a point where you are so numb that you no longer react to them. Completely trodden down by contradictions and misdirections, you doubt your own perceptions of reality and enable the sociopath to do just what he pleases without much protesting from you. But somewhere in the back of your mind, you know things are far from right, and that nagging feeling is your life line!

My ex-psychopath used to tell stories in precisely the same way each time -- as if he learned them by rote. He couldn't tell a story of something that (supposedly) happened to him by 'vamping' on the theme like normal humans can -- ie tell one or two facts, then go back to the beginning and related the story chronologically, picking out specific details and talking about specific details as they arise. He couldn't do that. His stories were always chosen to make himself look grand, and as I have a really good memory for recall I can say that the ones he told me two, three, or four times were repeated almost verbatim every time. I can only conclude they were all lies -- or a thousand layers of lies smothering one or two possible grains of truth in there somewhere. Because when someone is relating a story about something that really happened to them, they can tell it in a different way each time.

So in response, I'd say yes they were either total fabrications, or they were a tiny grain of truth smothered by a thousand layers of lies.

Oh sorry, and in response -- I think the structural stories are lies prepared in advance because they've used them on previous victims. Stories about their childhood, something that happened to them at school, the sad sad story they always tell about the one time this girl hurt them and so that's why they don't love you, and all that stupid garbage.

I believed if I could bring my x to God that God could and would change him, wow that was the biggest mistake I ever made. I introduced him to an entire community of good loving, trusting forgiving people. People he has now turned into his new victims. He is ever telling some people in the community he is a pastor. He takes every opportunity to use the word of the lord against me,even though its always twisted to suit his needs.

Twinkle that is really vile. I've had that experience too, although not on quite that
level, but I've brought S/P's into a community only for them to "plant" themselves
and boot me out. It's hard to watch how everyone falls over them, but the S/P's
are just using them as cheap labor. I guess it's an unfortunately not uncommon
experience--someone nice and naive brings them into the fold and then they
eat the sheep, starting first with the naive friend.

I am new here--I have been so embarrassed to still be living with somebody I know is so textbook--I tried to see the 'good' in him, or the reasons--dad beat him---Viet Nam--how can somebody be so casual about abusing me-yet try to make me feel guilty because he went to jail? (I dropped charges several times because of his promises)--He lies to strangers (no, he's not really a retired cop) he's addicted to porn (of course that's my fault too) I attempted to end my suffering twice--and if we argue, he's actually said-'go commit suicide'---he tells his friends that I'm the crazy one--(men in bars don't recognize sociopaths)--he gambles (none of your business)--but worries what happens to him if I die. (he lives in MY house) He's started carrying a blank gun around-altered to look like a real one--I asked his friend to talk to him--so he doesn't go to prison--but he convinces his friends that I'm gonna get him locked up when it's the last thing I want to happen. I'm sorry--I am rambling. I have been through so much and I really don't know where to go from here---he was supposed to be my last love.

Whether their lies are pre-planned or made up on the spot, they are still very good at lying! It's very hard to believe that someone can lie in this manner. It's one lie to cover up another and another and another. And at the end, when caught red handed and cannot lie anymore, they create a drama so they would distract you from the initial one! Or they just disappear for a while as they are 'hurt' of accusing them of such a thing. And let's not forget, that all this is YOUR fault and YOU have a problem and need therapy. How sick is that? My stalker wanted me to have an affair with him and because I wasn't interested, he created a personna (complete lie) to make me feel sorry for him. It took me ages to discover the real him and that after a long series of lies! It's unbelievable how sick they are. I now know that no therapy can help them stop lying or manipulating people, they are the way they are and that's just so sad, not for them, for their victims!