I think having a vegetarian wedding is a great idea! Yes, it is YOUR wedding. Congratulations!

How silly for your mom to say that it is disrespectful... it won't kill meat-eaters to have the occasional meat-free meal! And is it disrespectful to serve meat at a wedding where some are veg, by the same reasoning? Silly.

Just about everyone loves pasta and it is very filling and inexpensive... you could have a few choices with that such as garlic and oil, pesto, marinara... Big salads, soups, breads, cooked veggies, fresh fruits and nuts, and a fantastic cake! There are many things you can do that will please most people. Will you serve the food family style or by the plate? Personally, I prefer "family style" or buffet, because each person can take just what they want in the amount that they want, but it's your wedding.

Come up with a sample meal plan, research the costs, and propose it to your mom after doing some homework. The caterer can help you think of ideas. I'm sure they've done successful veg weddings before. The possibilities are endless. They caterer can help reassure your mom as well.

Thank you so much for your answer.

I would like a buffet, too, the problem is that some places (some of the ones I'm considering don't do family style). But i think it is ideal for a veg wedding.

What made me doubt my choice of a veg wedding was the fact that one caterer refused to serve my wedding because he told me that people would think that my wedding and his service weren't good because of the veg plates.

However, I agree with you there are endless possibilities, and I'm sure some will please my guests.

Once again, thank you very much.

Most old world cultures want and expect value for the money they are giving as gifts, and so they have old world expectations about things like meat and poultry and seafood at a wedding. I think your mom is right for people of her generation. Our generation is different, and woud likely not be so bent out of shape. You might want to mention vegetarian meal in your inviation amongst the reception information, then the guests can alter their gift giving in accordance.

what does your mom mean by 'vegetarian food'? last time i checked, french fries, pasta, omelets, bread, waffles, ice cream, peanut butter, cheese etc. et al had no meat in them and i see meat-eaters consume these things just as regularly as animal flesh. i can't believe this even needs to be said, but i've never seen a case where being a meat eater means a person ONLY eats meat.

i also think it speaks volumes about a caterer if they can't put together a decent vegetarian menu.

what you could do is distract people from the fact there's no meat by presenting a diverse mix of food items. include a variety of food types (starches, proteins, fats, greens, fruit, spices) and contrasting flavors. i think your idea of having a buffet would be a great way to do that.

or, if you can stomach it, offer 2 options. at my sister's wedding, her invitations had space for the guest to choose the vegetarian or non-vegetarian meal.

joyRide --
i'm curious about how the menu figures into the gift-giving. i thought people gave couples wedding gifts as gestures of well-wishing. does this mean if they feel ripped off by the wedding dinner, they're going to ignore the gift registry and present the newlyweds with a box of q-tips?

That's what I told her, Spiky. Meat eaters eat what we eat too. So I really don't see the problem...

I will have to think about it. It is an option what you said: ask each guest which kind of food they prefer on the invitations. Let's see.


Thank you very much ;)

Spiky,

ask any immigrant parents with marriage-aged children. This isn't my opinion, it's culture and customs.

Of course they wouldn't give Q-tips, but there would be a lot of grumbling if they gave gifts considering they were getting an expensive meal, and ended up having no prime rib or sole?

I just think rather than having a vegetarian meals and expecting them all to put up with it, that mentioning it discreetly in the invitation would prepare everyone ahead of time, and there would be less of that grumbling.

joyride --

i do believe you, i'm just kind of baffled. i don't have immigrant parents and that's the first i've heard about this particular attitude. my aim wasn't to contradict you or make criticisms of unfamiliar cultural views.

awesome :)

carry on

My grandparents are straight off the boat from Italy. Is that "old world" enough? Their family eats about 95% vegetarian with the occasional stuffed squid thrown in. (They are obviously from the South. We have Sicilians and Basilicatans in the family.) There is no imperative for meat and I am not familiar with Joy Ride's version of "old world immigrants." It does not universally apply. Many people could not afford, find, or acquire a taste for, these expensive dishes like "prime rib" in poverty-stricken Southern Italy. "Prime rib" and beef is not commonly consumed by real people there. (That is Americanized "Italian" food.) Seafood (squid, mussels), pasta (homemade raviolis stuffed with spinach and ricotta cheese or stuffed with squash), fruits (blood oranges, figs, lemons, Roma apples baked with brown sugar), veggies (stuffed artichokes-- yum! fennel with olive oil, asparagus, garlic) and nuts are much more common fare. I have also never seen "sole" served by Southern Italians... There is no reason why a well-prepared veg meal would not provide "value" or would somehow warrant a smaller gift. I vigorously disagree with that! BTW, my grandparents were born 90+ yrs ago and are no longer living, so definitely not part of a "new" generation. They came to Chicago during the "Italian exodus."

That said, I would find another caterer--- one who is comfortable with preparing delicious and filling vegetarian meals that are varied. Many people will not even notice meat is not served if their bellies are full. Some folks think that vegetarians eat iceberg lettuce and baked potatoes and they can not get by on that. THAT is what turns them off to vegetarian meals, a false perception that meals are sparse and boring. My best friend has been over to eat many times and we've eaten in many restaurants together, traveled together. When we were in our late 20s, she figured out that I did not eat meat. We had known each other since age 12! (I was raised veg.)

It's your wedding. Do what you want. If you go vegetarian, find a caterer who specializes in vegetarian cuisine. Do not apologize for it or feel like you need to explain it upfront. If you have stuffed artichokes, I may come to Portugal and crash your wedding. (Just kidding.)

My wedding was strictly vegan and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Just remember, it is your wedding. The only thing that would be disrespectful would be for anyone else to expect you to do something that's against your belief just because they can't go one meal without eating animals.