I have read where surgery has helped and where it didnt. And sometimes made thing worse. There is a lot to thing about.Just like anything else have to weigh the risk vs the possible fix. Absorbent products do work so we can always count on that.My friend had a stroke and his doc said something like what you said at the end of your post. He said where all born and need diapers and most of us will die in diapers. Some just get in diapers earlyer in life.

Listen to your doctor explain exactly what the problem is and what treatments would solve or alleviate the problem rather than switching doctors without fully understanding your condition and possible treatments. Do you have a neurological disorder or a problem related to another condition or anatomy or ....? Some of these conditions change (get worse) and require moving on to different treatments. Also, you are drawing conclusions about the sling without understanding why your doctor wants to use it?
I had a sling implanted following incontinence that developed after pregnancy and also have a neurological disorder. I have urge incontinence, a bladder that does not empty completely and now sometimes have to strain to empty my bladder after starting to leak minutes earlier. I used a pessary for 10 years but decided to get a permanent solution. I underwent surgery for a sling to support my bladder but didn't get relief. The surgeon said that because of my neurological disorder, he couldn't do anything else. I found another neurologist who worked with patients to find treatments. She implanted the Medtronic Interstim. It worked for me was I continued to increase the signal. When I maxed out the setting in one year, I switched to botox. The first injections gave me complete relief for six months. The second injections did not help at all. After using half a dozen pads a day, I just underwent more testing to determine if material injected to narrow the urethra would help (no) or if a sling under my urethra would help (yes). Implantation of a sling (my third surgical procedure for this problem) will end the leakage, my doctor says. But I will not be able to empty my bladder. I will have to use catheters four times a day. I will undergo this procedure to end the incontinence and stop urination from preventing a 'normal life' because I have to make so many trips to the bathroom, devote too much time to simple urination, use least half a dozen pads a day, frequently change clothing and take a medication to help me empty my bladder but not fully solve this problem. I am not the only person who must rely on catheters. My decision is based improving my life by addressing my problem as best I can--I'll never ever wear diapers--while I work on my major health issue--mobility--and living the best life I can.

There's lots of options out there - InterStim and botox are just two. Due to work conditions and my level of activity, I've gone (for now) to full time Foley catheters. They work well for me. The InterStim system can be put in you on a 'trial' basis - they implant the wire, but the device is hung on a belt loop or at night, the waistband of your shorts or undies.

There are two systems from Arcus Medical - Afex and Folex - both worth looking into. There are also other external means such as condom catheters, sheath urinals, and like me, Foleys.

Everyone is different- take your time, have a good long consult with your urologist, evaluate your life style and the pros & cons of what's out there against what you will & won't want to deal with as a part of your daily routine - and go from there.

Very best wishes -

just read that they're getting a true 'artificial sphincter' approved - it's going through trials now. Might want to ask about it - don't know how far off from being available it is, but who knows??

I had a problem with urinary incontinence most my life and every doctor said some thing different then finally it was decided that the nerves that controlled the bladder was not working the way they should and the bladder was not empting completely therefore causing it to over flow I had a surpa pubic catheter two now working great it was a same day surgery would recommend to any one