Unemployment Support Group
Recently unemployed or frustrated with the job search? Unemployment can affect more than just the bank account - it has a negative effect on motivation and self-esteem, even sense of identity. This community addresses the challenges associated with unemployment and how to cope.
I've been sidelined from work mainly due to health problems. I have a horrible case of insomnia. I've spent thousands of dollars I don't have trying to get help to no avail. I have this weird sensation in my right leg that keeps me up. I didn't get to sleep until 6am this morning. Doctors are stumped. This problem torpedoed my last two jobs. I did my best, but ultimately couldn't function with no sleep.
I am beating myself up over this without mercy. I wake up in a state of near panic b/c I feel like my life is going nowhere. I am living with my mom in a really toxic environment. It beats the alternative of homelessness but it is soul crushing being here. All of my 'friends' are doing just fine. Most seem to think the economy is doing just fine. I mean, they are doing fine, so if anyone else is struggling, it must be their own fault. Most of these 'friends' are now MIA. I feel like a damn leper. I am single, never been married, no kids, and a super toxic, fragmented family of origin. I have nowhere to go on Christmas but will try to find some kind of function for people like me so I don't have to spend the day alone. I feel rejected by family, friends, and society. It's just really painful to be in this position. I guess in our warped consumerist culture our value is directly related to our ability to make money. Life, and humans especially, can be so damn brutal! Our country has lost its soul.
I am beating myself up over this without mercy. I wake up in a state of near panic b/c I feel like my life is going nowhere. I am living with my mom in a really toxic environment. It beats the alternative of homelessness but it is soul crushing being here. All of my 'friends' are doing just fine. Most seem to think the economy is doing just fine. I mean, they are doing fine, so if anyone else is struggling, it must be their own fault. Most of these 'friends' are now MIA. I feel like a damn leper. I am single, never been married, no kids, and a super toxic, fragmented family of origin. I have nowhere to go on Christmas but will try to find some kind of function for people like me so I don't have to spend the day alone. I feel rejected by family, friends, and society. It's just really painful to be in this position. I guess in our warped consumerist culture our value is directly related to our ability to make money. Life, and humans especially, can be so damn brutal! Our country has lost its soul.
I could relate to several of the stresses you're currently dealing with. I was particularly struck by your writing about your friends' viewpoints on the economy. It's interesting how many of us see the world only through our own lens; namely, since your friends are 'doing just fine', they seem to think EVERYone should be 'doing just fine', and if they aren't, it's CLEARLY the fault of the one who ISN'T 'doing just fine'. Before I started working for a nearby school district last January, I went through 26 months of unemployment hell. In your friends defense, if they haven't been through what you, me and the people on this board are going through, and have gone through, it's almost impossible to understand. That said, I think the best thing you can do is just accept the fact that they DON'T understand, and WON'T understand until it happens to them.
I grew up in the dysfunctional family from hell, or characters I've come to call 'robots covered with skin'. My mom was the only family member I was close to, and when she passed away in February of 2009, I made the decision to estrange myself from the members of my family of origin. It was a painful decision, but, it was absolutely the right decision for me.
I, too, am single, never married. (Always wanted to, but, never found a guy with enough character to marry). I do have a daughter I adopted when she was 2 years old. She'll be 24 next month and is such a joy.
What I know for sure is that many, many people such as yourself, me and many of us who regularly visit DS have lives that have been shattered to pieces either by mistakes we've made, situations we had or have no control over, or a combination of the two. What I've come to feel though is that we can learn to take those shattered pieces of our lives and, in time, mold them into beautiful mosaics.
My advice to you is to start with the broken part of your life that hurts the most, or feels the most broken. Obviously, it sounds like your insomnia is playing a considerable part in keeping you from having gainful employment, not to mention the weird sensation you're experiencing in your right leg. (Have you Googled the symptoms of restless leg syndrome?) If these issues are keeping you from being able to hold a job, perhaps you can try to find a doctor willing to document this, in an effort to get social security disability. I know that leaves the issue of your living with your mother and the toxic environment you speak of while living with her. I don't know you or your mother personally, so I'm just going to ask that you be willing to examine your behavior honestly, in an effort to see if you are contributing to the toxin.
As far as having nowhere to go on Christmas, sometimes the best way to feel better about the storms we're facing is to help others face their own storms. Have you considered contacting a local food pantry and volunteering to give out food during the holidays? Or, volunteer to give a few hours of your time serving meals? Sometimes, when we're really going through the valley, we can feel like EVERYONE else is fine except us, and volunteering not only helps us to take the focus off of ourselves for awhile, it also helps us to see that many others are struggling too.
Despite the problems you're facing, if you can manage to focus on the positives in your life, however insignificant they might seem to you right now, I believe that helps to keep our spirits up.
I believe that the things that happen to us in our lives, particularly the dark days, don't just randomly happen; they happen to teach us, to mold us, to show us who we really are, to make us stronger. As I've gone through my own dark times, they absolutely threatened to throw me into the abyss - until I resolved to keep fighting to make my life better. I also found that I had to stand up and "show" the situations I was facing that I would not allow them to pull me under; that I was stronger than the problems I was facing.
Do not give up, batw26. Keep fighting to make your life better. Try to stop beating yourself up and instead, focus on the blessings in your life; focus on the positives. Wake up every day and express a verbal affirmation of being thankful for the blessing of having another day of life. Then, do what you can during the day to make your life better. If you get tired because you haven't slept well the night before, take a nap. If things don't get better that day, just remember that you're one day closer to the day that they DO get better. Regardless of how things look, stay as positive as you can. Never, give up. Never, NEVER give up.
Wishing you the best in 2013, bafw26.
Janice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=REBQrB2loAE
You can see the forest, through the trees, i.e. the loss of compassion, and the quest for making lots of money and materialism that is prevalent in our society.
I hate that you are struggling so much. I encourage you to take LoveBlue2's advice about seeking medical advice from someone other than present doc's. Restless legs syndrome is very common, my husband suffers from it. It does keep him up at night and it does make it difficult to function at work with improper rest. It may be that you have the severest level of the disorder. Hubby has gained relief from chiropractic manipulation of his spine; his discomfort is relieved for a period of time, but it reaccurs. Believe you will find it informative to google the disorder.
I think it is admirable for you to desire to seek out those who are in similiar situation, to seek comfort and give it. You seem to be a compassionate person.
I would move on past these "friends" of yours who are oblivious of the true condition of the economy. I have discovered that unemployment is no respector of persons; it may very well be that these individuals may be in for a dose of the displeasure of being in this circumstance themselves. A dose of reality may be headed their way to get a "taste" of what it is like. And, I truely believe it would behoove EVERYONE to get a taste of what it is like to be in the unemployed's shoes and have to struggle with how to meet their needs and obligations without the adequate ability to do so.
I hope the situation with your mother improves soon. I hope that she will be able to find it in her heart to "cut you some slack".
I hope you will be able to put a "name" on the condition that you are experiencing with your legs and insomnia. Acute stress and anxiety may be at play here as well. I hope that you find effective treatment that will allow you to find gainful employment. If not employed again, that a means will be presented to you where you can acquire financial assistance.
Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Hang in there.
(((Hugs)))