Well I don't have personal experience w/ this but my best friend used donor eggs for baby 5 and 6 and 7 (6 and 7 were twins). Her other kids know about the donor eggs but she hasn't told the child yet. She's 6 and very sensitive and she's afraid she will not take it well. Her twins are 7 months. She says when the time is right she will tell them. I don't think you'd love your genetic children any more than non genetic. They are your babies. They grew inside of you and are a part of you. Genes don't matter. I'm adopted and my apoditve family is my family and who ever gave me my genes doesn't matter.

I'd have to concur. I think that not being told something can cause trust issues later should it ever come out. Besides there's nothing shameful about having a kid not genetically yours. Adoptions and donors are becoming more and more common. Whatever means you took to get pregnant shouldn't matter. You chose to have a child to love and care for. To be honest I'd say its a thing to be celebrated not hidden away.

As for having other children that are genetically yours, I've been told by friends who've adopted that they love both the natural children and the adopted children just the same. You will get to carry them the 9 months (unlike adopted kids) and you get to raise them just the same. I'd expect you should feel the same for all your kids.

When my dh and I realized we needed to use donor sperm. We had to go to a psychologist at the infertility clinic / hospital. It wasn't mandated but strongly encouraged. The psychologist told us that we either be open or never tell a soul. I suppose we are both old fashioned in some ways. We don't feel children need to know all details of their creation. So we have absolutely no intention of telling ours that they were from donor sperm. To be honest my dh's family always remarks how much he is like him. Why add confusion to a child's life. He had a daddy that loves him and longed for him more than most. Isn't that what matters. Society these days sometimes acts as if you must tell your children everything. Oh of course lil 5 year old there is no Santa I know that is of such a different magnitude but our babies were longed for and cried for for so long. They need no confusion in their lives it is our secret and all paperwork had been destroyed. The sperm bank does not even know we were successful so it will go to the grave with us. He and the babies to cone are my husbands neither one of us ever think about it. Best wishes to all on whatever you decide. I know we made the right choice for our family hope you are as peaceful with your decision. Hugs

I agree with Adragon.....if I used donor eggs or sperm, I would be completely honest with my children.

Thanks ladies!

I agree with FNP as I've heard people say tell no one or tell all. I'm in the tell no one camp as I really see no need to do so. I don't think it's something my kids would ask about. I think most people don't really know anything about DE but do know about IVF. Since we've all been pregnant, I'm guessing others aren't really thinking...oh, did she use a donor...although we who've gone thru it probably would wonder :-) Bottom line is there's no right or wrong...it's whatever you're comfortable with. While I am wistful that there isn't a genetic connection btwn me and my children, I take comfort in that there's a biological connection and I know I would love them as much as a genetic child of mine.

I thought about this for long time since we were ready to go to donor egg.
My Re said to tell the kids, because of the medical history issue and because they are so many donor eggs baby in California that the kid may have a chance to marry a sibling (I thought it was BS), I was for the "don't tell anyone policy", but stupid dh did not agree about the "keeping a secret from the kid", so we had arguments for a while.
we did not use egg donors since our last attempt was successful, but I agree with the "keep if for yourself policy".
Life is already so complicated, why do you want to put something else in the child head?
are you going to describe the night they were conceived? Mom was on top, we had wine...NO, so who cares about where the egg or the sperm come from.

Since I did not go the donor route I don't know the answers to any of my questions, but am curious. . . . is it not important for the children to know there genetic history? Couldn't it make a difference later in life when assessing risk for diseases like cancer, or choosing treatment options for serious diseases? Since I did not go the donor route I don't know the answers to any of these questions but am curious.