Trying To Conceive Support Group

Whether you are just beginning your journey to create your family, or you have been trying for a few months, the TTC community will provide you with a group of like minded people who can help. It takes up to a year for the average fertile couple to achieve a successful pregnancy, and here at DailyStrength you will find information and support while you are waiting for...

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Just Feel Sorry For Me!

lovinsbobo
lovinsbobo
The whole M.carriage thing and now TTC thing is very sad, frustrating, and emotionally draining. People don't get it either, not even those closest to me, my husband, my mom, my sister, my dad, NONE OF THEM. When I m.carried, it seemed like NO ONE understood. There were comments like, "Well, God has a plan", and "That means there was something wrong with the baby, so it is probably best that you m.carried", "You will get pregnant again someday", "It just wasn't meant to be", "At least you can drink now", "At least you weren't that far along", the list goes on and on, I am sure many of you can relate. And after those comments people were quick to return to comments about THEIR own lives and struggles, it was if they did not want to hear about my loss and it made them uncomfortable. In fact, to this day, when I bring it up to anyone, they get quiet, and the mood becomes awkward. If I could have answered some of the comments made they would be "I know God has a plan, you dont need to tell me that", "Actually, I dont think there was something wrong with my baby, my HCG levels were VERY high, I feel in my heart that I m.carried due to the hemmorage, not because there was something wrong with my baby", "If it wasnt meant to be than why was it meant to be for only 8 weeks?!" "And yes, I can drink now, I may become and alcoholic due to the pain this has caused...wonderful!!!!" "Yes, I was only 8 weeks, so that makes my little one less significant?"Anyways, I have learned NO ONE really understands, and NO ONE ever will! I feel like telling everyone, "Please, when I talk about my loss, please JUST FEEL SORRY FOR ME, Please hug me and tell me you love me and tell me you are SOOOOOOO sorry for my loss. Dont tell me everything is going to be ok, because it is not ok, it was horrible and I am still not pregnant and it has been almost a year, so it is not ok!!!" Just listen and cry with me and TRY to empathize with me AND LOVE ME!!! And I dont want a little hug I want a BIG Hug with meaning and if you could bring up a tear or two, it would make me feel like you are feeling my pain a little , so that would be helpful too." Anyways- just wanted to see if anyone else who has suffered loss or who is TTC after loss felt this way-
RavensaraH
RavensaraH
I'm very sorry for your loss and i can totally relate having also lost a pregnancy recently at 8 weeks. People are weird and they don't seem to know how to react or they say stupid stuff, i am sorry and please don't become an alcoholic even if you can drink now - why would someone point that out to you - its not like it makes you feel better - weird...I don't feel sorry for you but i do empathise with you and how you are feeling right now. xx hugs xx
deleted_user
deleted_user
People NEVER know the right thing to say especially if they have never been through this before. I am very sorry for your losses and wish you the best.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I agree! No one understands what it feels like and I can relate to that ackwardness that fills the room when the subject comes up. Its a difficult situation that takes time to absorb. I loss my baby at 9 weeks and have been ttc for 3 months...its been 6 months since my loss. Im already frustrated with my 3 month wait especially since I got pregnant the first month of trying last time. Hang in there...and know there are lots of us on this site that understand and will and can offer a world of support. Hugs =)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Oh hon, I really feel for you. I know exactly how you feel. Just last week, about 3 months after my miscarriage and D&C, I had a complete meltdown! I started crying and couldn't stop and my husband was getting upset with me. He said I was holding onto the feelings of being sad and depressed on purpose. WHOA! Big mistake for him to say that because I just let him have it. I told him he didn't understand and never would and NO ONE around me knows what I'm going thru and probably never will. I felt bad because we didn't talk for two days but I can say that after that I genuinely felt better. My husband said he was trying to make me mad so that I could just let it all out...not quite sure I believe him, but he's a man and I'm sure he was pretty freaked out knwoing there was nothing he could do to help me. I think people are uncomfortable talking about this subject which is such a shame, because instead of being there for YOU (the person that this happened to) they make you feel shunned! I just learned to keep my distance for a while and think about myself. This forum and the one on miscarriage have really helped me because I know I am talking to people who have experienced exactly what I have.
Keep your head up and all will be well one day. Waiting for that day will probably be the worst but you WILL get there.
deleted_user
deleted_user
I am so sorry for you lost. A lost of is lost rather you were 8 weeks or 8 months. Once you get to use to the fact that you are going to be a mother, your feelings kick in. I have never miscarried. I carried my baby girl till 38 weeks and than after having a normal pregancy I delivered her stillborn, even than some ppl said so things that could have been left unsaid. My daughter would have been 9 this July. I have been married for three years and just now got the great news that I am going to be a mom again. I know how hard a lost can be. I know how down you can get and how you feel like you are living in a world where only you exsist, no one else understands where you are coming from. You are on a great website where we do understand and will empathize with you and most can even sympathize with you. I wish you the best of luck and I will pray for you and send all the baby dust I can your way!!! Stay strong and know your day is coming!!!