Trichotillomania (Hair Pulling) Support Group
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So Something I've just wondered.. I know most of us do this. We look for the thickest, darkest, different looking hairs to pull. But why? Why do we examine it before and after pulling..? Well I think it's just because we "know" that those ones will have the thickest root. But has anyone ever noticed that they can feel it come out. Well obviously.. No what I mean is.. Like sometimes I need to pull it out slowly so I feel the popping sensation of it being pulled, And I can hear it on the inside of my head, and Sometimes I feel like I have to go close into the mirror and pull one from the front slowly so as I'm pulling and hearing that popping sound, I can see it slowly be pulled free from my scalp. Is it a sensation thing or..? Cause I know that theres a touch/feel thing when I run it through my teeth and across my lips, which I also don't get either.. The need for that feel of the single hair with the wet tip of the root. Does anyone else experience this, or a similar experience. I think that the more we talk about it, and find similarities in our Trichotillomania, we can together find a cure. If we know the root of the problem, and just talking about it on here has helped me gain a lot of insight and acceptance and courage. Another thing, or reason why I think theres a sensational touch feel need aspect to it is because sometimes, I imagine myself chewing on cotton balls, or grinding them between my teeth, and getting them wet so I can feel them grind against my teeth. Iv'e never done it but for as long as I've been pulling my hair and imagining running the hair through my teeth, I've been imagining the cotton ball thing. And while I imagine it, It's almost as if Ive doing it. I can hear and feel the cotton balls in my mouth, but there not actually there, And sometimes, I get the urge to actually do it, Its weird I know, But again does anyone experience this or have any sort of similar experience, maybe not neccisarily cotton balls, could be anything, Ive thought about this stupid cotton ball things for like 8 years.. And sometimes I get paranoid Im actually going to start doing it or eating cotton balls, Because I dont know who or where, but when I was little I've heard of someone eating cotton balls, and feeling the need to do it, and its not good for the stomach..
Anyway, something about the feeling I get when I'm pulling. I am not sure if pulling the hair out is what gives me relief, or JUST PULLING. But the more I pull, the better it feels. I haven't imagined cotton balls, but I have imagined hanging from that one hair and the hair not releasing so I can feel that sensation it gives. Wondering if there is a nerve attached under the root that gives me that sensation. We have cranial nerves. Kind of like reflexology. Every system in our bodies are affected by the nerves in our feet. I would imagine that is why walking is so good for a person in so many ways.
I have analyzed TRICH to the point of confusion! LOL. I am not giving up that there's a physical cause for the urge to pull, although I can't deny there's a psychological element to it. But I really get mad when I read that the psyche "bible" (because I cannot remember the name of their diagnoses book) puts us in the same category as kleptomaniacs, pyromaniacs, and others. I'm sorry, but I cannot agree with it. I think that their attempt to understand trich is WAY OFF. That's just my opinion. I always wonder if there are any dermatologists who have trich. And do they accept it as OCD or ICD or do they relate to that famiar "sensation to pull." I was disappointed last week when I went back to my dermatologist who did my scalp biopsy. I asked her if the "infundibulofollicultis" that was found on my biopsy could be the culprit for my urges to pull. She assured me that I am a high-functioning, intelligent person who has OCD. She said she knows a lawyer who has trich and it took 3 medications to stop her from pulling. I don't want to be a zombie on a bunch of medications. I"m so sensitive to medications. Benadryl even knocks me for a loop.