It is not your fault. The best thing you can do is to support her and possibly get her into some sort of therapy -- HRT, CBT, or even a support group (you could even get her on this site!). The worst thing you can do is to make her feel bad for this behavior. I also wouldn't try any medication because even if they do work, it's usually short-term. Some people have had success with NAC and inositol, and dietary changes.

People pull for all kinds of reasons and no one really knows why we do it (which is why I think there's such a high relapse rate no matter what we try). I pull sometimes because I'm stressed, because I am bored, because I'm trying to focus on a task, or because I want to zone out. Sometimes I pull without even realizing it.

She can unlearn the behavior, and there are plenty of things she can do to become more aware and curb her pulling, but she may never be completely free from this disorder. I do believe, though, that because she's so young, if she starts now, she can learn tactics to relieve her stress (or whatever it is that makes her pull) and not be crippled by trich.

Hope that helps!

Thank you! It does help a lot. After reading until I can't focus anymore I went and had a long talk about it with her. I explained how I'd researched and mention I needed help on this site. I told her we will work on it together and she agreed but seems to just be pacifying me. She's done a lot of research too and seems to think it will never stop. I explained it could. Maybe not always but it's possible so let's try. You are strong you can be the one to stop and never go back.

Thank you for answering. I need help to help!

Hi Toni,

I'm 20 and I have put my mother through an emotional roller coaster (as I'm sure you feel) with my trich. My mother, like you, was crushed that there was nothing she could do to help. It was all up to me to stop it and my own will-power. She supported me, accepted me, and was there for me if I wanted to talk. But there was nothing more she could do.

This is a personal battle your daughter must overcome herself. And I know it's tough and I know it crushes you, but that's the way it is.

For me, personally, I never really knew why I did it (eyelashes and hair mostly). Certain things would tick me off. My mom would ask the same questions: "are you stressed, are you not happy, is everything not ok, is that why you're doing it again?" And the truth was sometimes I didn't even know why I did it. I could be completely happy and still do it. I still, after 11 years of doing it, really don't even know what makes me do it more or less. A lot of times it was just out of boredom and habit.

My advice to you is to really just be there to support your daughter when she wants to talk. Accept her. Support her. Just be a mother like you are normally. Let her deal with it. It may take days or years to overcome, but she will. After 11 years, since I was 9, of doing this, upsetting my parents, upsetting myself, I have finally controlled it. We think I simply 'grew out of it.' I do hope this happens with your daughter. It will leave just as quickly as it came.

Best of luck, and if you want to talk further feel free to message me.

-Gina

Thank you so much Gina! I appreciate all the insight I can get. My nature is to research until I understand it. There are so many things fighting to steal my kids I want to be knowledgeable. I am going to war to not let them be consumed. I've gotten info from the trich.org group which told of the many groups that are out there for everyone involved to be educated. But it's nothing like talking to someone who's been there.
BKC mentioned asking my daughter if she wanted to join this group. I talked with her about and am just trying to leave her alone about it right now. But I love her and this is killing me.

'Ello Toni I'm glad you not only researched this for you daughter , but also are asking us here what it's like. It gives me some tiny warm fuzzies. I wish my mom had been able to do that.

Things you may not see as stressful even "silly" "little" things may be bothering your daughter. I myself have problems when someone else I know is having life problems, or when i'm worrying about the future (all A's or not), or when my health problems act up. There are many things your daughter could be stressed about. When one is a worrier there are just too many things to worry about.

The only to find out why specifically is to ask delicately.

I agree with Gina that there are certain questions and comments that just make things worse like "it's all in your head" , "Aren't you happy? you look happy." , " That bad thing is in the past stop worrying about it", and the worse one for me " The floor is a mess again"; I'd suggest to stay away from any of those but to make sure talk to your daughter about things you say that make her uncomfortable. You can make it a general conversation and even through in things she says that you don't like.

This is actually the best advise I can give, don't talk at the subject directly, and instead lead your daughter into saying what she has to say. Let her start that part of the conversation. It's an actual a tactic they taught in my psychology classes about getting people to open up. Just talk normally, share feelings, but most importantly listen and say you understand or that you can see how they would feel how they feel.

Communication is touchy with this stuff, but very important even if it's just about how school was or if she's worried about any tests coming up or anything else. If you already talk about these things awesome, and if not it's worth it to start. If she's not a talker (as teens are infamous for), maybe try little things that show you care like sticky notes where she can see them about how you hope she has a great day or even a motivational quote.
From my experience the little instances of extra support are what saves me from stress I would have otherwise; like a caramel or two tucked into my purse, my kitten already fed (one less thing to worry about), or a text asking what i'd like for dinner.

Sorry for the long post, but it's hard to put even little bit of this stuff in one post. Just remember not worry yourself too much! try to think positively and take one day at a time. You're doing good just by coming on here!

Hope at least some of what I said helps!

-Ruubix