Call yourself what you want. A few years ago, I decided to stop calling myself bisexual, because there's too much baggage attached to the term, and started calling myself non-straight. Which has come up a couple of times at Church, which is always amusing to see people's wheels turning and the smoke coming from their ears, as I am (mostly, though they don't know about the mostly) a woman, and monogamously married to a man.

I'm not sure if I was being clear in my post. It isn't the label that I am concerned with..I can call myself a duck for all I care. I am thinking more of the sense of community. I was wondering if people have had good experiences with other TS people or do they feel like they were being judged because of how little they had done in the way of transitioning or their level of "passing"; which is another rant I could go off on.

I guess it just really bothers me that I've read so many stories and experiences that I can relate to on a very deep level but I've read just as many horror stories of people who have been judged by people who by all accounts should be their biggest supporters.

Okay..I have to go on a rant about "passing" because I feel it fits. I don't have the voice or body of Michael Clarke Duncan. I'm only 5'5" and people often mistake me for a woman on the phone. That doesn't make me better than anyone...it makes me lucky...that's it. That would be like saying that someone who is only partially bald is better than someone who is fully bald. They're both still bald.

We have to go through one of the hardest things anyone can go through. The suicide rate for people who go through this is atrocious. For those of us who do have the strength to handle this..imagine what we could accomplish if we did support each other.

Sorry..guess I got a little upset.

Lily

Hello Lily

I agree with what you say about passing, and I am just greatful that I was blessed in such a way that I am able to "pass", but I could just as easily have had the same issues and feelings, but physical characteristics that didn't allow me to "pass". So I have a great deal of sympathy for people who haven't been blessed as I have.

However, just because a person shares the same issues and feelings as I do doesn't necessarily mean that I will like that person as a friend. I happen to feel that clinging to the transgender community is just a different closet to be in, and it still limits a persons horizons and possibilities.

Also, I am a recovering alcoholic with long term sobriety. When I explored the transgender community, one of the things I found is that the social life of the community revolves around clubs, bars and parties, and that substance abuse is rampant among the trans community. That isn't surprising really when you are so fundamentally misadjusted to normal society, and it helps to explain some why the suicide rate is so atrocious. But in my case, it makes it even more difficult for me to embrace the Trans community. I do have some trans friends that I interact with, but for the most part I have to live my life within normal everyday society, and I find my support and friends from all walks of life, not just one isolated segment of it.

In the end, I guess the best way to put it is that we are all children of God, and that everyone needs and deserves to be loved, regardless of thier particular issues

Respectfully longwinded
Symantha

I agree with Symantha's ending comment about us "all being children of God".

I know it has taken me a while to respond. I do agree with Symantha (I applaud you on your sobriety)..to a point. I agree that we should try and find support from society as a whole and not become isolated. However, I'm not talking about clinging to the transgender community. And I'm also not saying that we will like everyone we meet..case and point my topic is about people being judged by others in the TS community. And not everyone has support from friends and family like some of us. Those could be the ones who turn to substance abuse as a way to deal with the pain and maybe they became addicted before and just haven't had the emotional support to seek help after transitioning. I also have to admit that I think that it's an unfair generalization to say that the trans community is the part of our community that does revolve around bars, clubs, and parties. I hate bars and clubs. Not everyone of us want to go out partying every night. Most of us just want to be normal women. This is a site (http://www.karenserenity.com/) that shows so many of us who have gone on to lead happy and productive lives. Some of us may succeed in blending in to normal society. There are those that can't, though; either because of physical features or maybe they tried to live in their birth gender so long that it has become so hard to lose certain habits. And when they can't find that support from "normal" society where do they find it?

When I first started this topic I started by talking about both the lesbian community and the trans community. This topic has evolved and I haven't posted anything into the lesbian support group because I feel that they have a strong sense of community; where I don't feel that we do. I feel that this discussion has become an expression of my sense of that need of a community. Symantha's post enforces this need. As much as we may try to blend in we are different. Is it really such a bad thing to acknowledge that difference? To come together and create a place to turn especially when there is nowhere else. There was a time when the gay community was stereotyped for drug use and partying. Our advocates and spokespeople should not be those of us who create that same image.

Wow, I can really get on a soapbox. I didn't expect this to take this road but I keep thinking of the children who go through this, my own pain and what I've dealt with (most of it has been alone except for my wife)..and this site is wonderful but you would not believe how long it took me to find this place. We could use something more. I think I'll add that to my list of 1000000000000 projects.

Bravo Lily! well stated. I particullarly liked your comments on acceptance, and of course I have had my own struggles with that. As much as I wish it were otherwise, as much as I try and even succeed in blending in and being like any other woman, the fact remains that I am different. The trick for me has been to accept that, and hopefully come to have a pride and self worth in being different. I have started to be thankful for the interesting life I have led, instead of bemoaning not being born as completely female in the first place.

I happen to be sexually orientated to men now. To me my being with a man is a heterosexual relationship. There are many people though that would insist that it is in fact a homosexual relationship. You know, it doesn't really matter what it is called, what matters is that I am me, and I accept my sexual orientation and live and be true to myself, regardlesss of what label somebody else might put on that.

As far as whether a person is transsexual or not, no matter what label others would put on it, what really matters is what the individual learns and believes of themselves. And the question or qualification as to whether a person is transsexual or not based on having surgery is just foolish and ignorant. Transition and transsexuality are a state of mind and being, it doesn't depend on hormones, surgery or lifestyle, it is about brain gender, identity and feelings. Anybody can take hormones, have surgery, but if they weren't differently gendered in the first place, there will be no real transition taking place.

In the end it all comes back to acceptance. And yeah, to accept, it is imperative to have validation and support from other people. And it is also necessary to live it, otherwise we simply will not experience the things we need to, won't even know the things that we need to accept.

ok, I will shut up now before I put my foot in my mouth, if I haven't done it allready.

In Friendship and Fellowship;
Symantha

there have been times when i have been frustrated by the lack of support from gays and lesbians toward the transgendered. I am also worried about our own tendency to split ourselves into those who can and will transisition and those who cannot or will not. I am one whose physical appearance pretty much eliminates any chance of passing as a female, and that makes the "real life test" impossible for me, which means no transition. Some people have questioned my right to consider myself TG for that reason, and I now tend to use the term "gender queer" instead. On the other hand, I have made some fantastic friends here who accept me just as I am.

I have found this an interesting discussion. I do not plan on getting SRS, but my therapist said that doesn't matter - she still "diagnosed" me with GID. I consider myself a lesbian because I am attracted to women and I have a wonderful girlfriend who knows I am TG and accepts me as I am. I also thought I would not pass as a woman until I saw myself with wig and make-up. For an almost 50 I'm not that bad looking. The main thing is that when I look in the mirror at myself as a guy I don't see myself. When looking at myself as a woman I see the real, true ME!