Transgender Support Group
This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.
Sadly contemplating staying a man so my kids can have a traditional father. This came about after finding out my fiancee is pregnant with our 4th child. This came as a surprise to us because the last time we used my penis for sex was around may. So i was talking with my mother and she mentioned tht my new child would never know what it was like to have a father just two moms. Ive been on hormones a few months now and have already developed b cup breasts. I wear female jeans and underwear. I still have years to go before i pass as a woman. But now with. A fourth child on the way I'm not sure i can go through with my transition. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.
The world is changing and becomming more sensitive to situations like yours. If you decide to move forward with your transition I bet your kids will eventually be supportative.The alternative may be having to live with the bitter pill of denying yourself of who and what you want to be and being unhappy which would not be good for your kids. Just my thoughts and opinions.
As Geo pointed out, not living an authentic life is not a life at all. Let me expand in this, you say that you want to stop transitioning to be a traditional father, the irony here is that from what I am reading you have never been a man in your life, born male yes but man never unless you are not telling then whole story. Man is a social construct and male/female is the gender.
Now, I am going to share with you what I told a friend who was staying male for the kids and the wife. "Living a lie is not an example you want your children to learn as a way of life. It is better to be true to yourself and assume the consequences than doing otherwise. If your children see you happy and at peace with yourself, that will be a more powerful legacy than living a life you abhor"
The other thing is a complaint on my part to you because I see this over and over again, parents make decisions for children before they are even presented with the issue, to "protect" them. I was forbidden from attending my mother's funeral to "protect me" and you know what happened? It took me 15 years to get closure.
But I digress, children are more intelligent, open minded and more resilient than we give them credit for. It is only when we inject crap we were told that they become dysfunctional. My own nephew who has Asperger's was not told about me until he was 4 and we went somewhere at the time I was transitioning and someone turned to his father to ask what I was: male or female and my nephew chimed, "It just is, like the sun, the moon, it just is, like I am, you are, do you ask what sex the sun is" The guy said no then my nephew said, "So if it doesn't bother you about the sun then stop asking my dad about Wolfie (meaning me) that is very rude, mister"
Mind you I did not mind him using the "it" because he was using it correctly, as it is a neutral pronoun. Point being, children know more than we think they do, they are sponges, they are curious and non judgmental, so stop worrying about it and live your life as authentically as you can manage.
Just as an aside, your children may react negatively only if they have been taught these things are wrong, otherwise they may not even care, it has been my experience that when I come out to yungens, I get a better reception than with adults, most of them think it is neat and yes they have tons of questions but none of them have been intrusive like with adults, the most intrusive question I got from a kid was how my family reacted to my decision and when I told him it was a mixed bag, he smiled and said, "Well I think you are very cool, so there" and when he said it he pointed at his chest when he said I, to let me know his opinion was more important. It was!
Just saying,
Wolf (ftm since 1987)
My niece's youngest watched me go through transition; she was four when I began. She watched me go from depressed to happy, as I transitioned. For her, it was never a problem. She did ask me once, "Are you a boy trapped in a girl's body?", to which I said yes, and that I was working to become the boy I knew I was. She smiled, and said, "Good - because you should be who you are!". Her parents weren't accepting of me, but she was. Now, her mother is ok with me, as are the older daughters there.
Children do understand a lot more than most adults give them credit for. So what if your kids "never know a traditional father"? A LOT of families don't have that. There are different family structures. There are families with two fathers, families with two mothers, families with only one parent, ... They are still families. The important thing is to be there, for your children - and the best way to do that, is as your true self, male, female, or whatever your true identity is.
Be true to yourself, love your kids, and be there for them as who you are. They'll love you for who you are, given the opportunity.