I don't consider myself as a "dinosaur" rather a person who has been lucky enough to survive this long, and to share my advice to those who willing to take it in.

Firstly thank you for your post, and way to go. It is really great to hear when a parent is accepting of this sort of thing. For some parents they basically just disown their kids, but I would like to think that the majority is more like yourself. I believe what you wrote here will be good for others to see, especially those who are scared to talk to their families about it and to come out to them. If you have questions for us, please feel free to ask. Most medical professionals are a bit out of their league when it comes to this sort of thing as their experience is really mostly just having heard about it in med school. There are some that do have experience though and those are the ones you want on this road. Most of us here, or at least a lot of us have been on the road or been at the finish line for a while, and a lot are pretty active, so ask anything you need.

Hey Rhonda I'm sorry about the Dino talk.
I'm here to learn and to maybe help someone who has had to talk to their parents and not understand their reactions. I'm not sure if this group has had a parents point of view brought forward as of yet. Am I the first? Thanks for your responses. Look forward to learning more from the group.

I have been here for years and I think you are the first. We have had spouses a couple times, but I don't recall any parents being willing to speak up. It is greatly appreciated that you have :D

As someone who started at 16, got on hormones at 18 and postop at 22, it's great to hear parents still loving their kids and wanting them to be happy. I wish my dad was more open minded, sadly enough he was born before the 70's, more specifically the 50's. He's more of the hypocritical bible pusher that everyone and their mother complains about. Not to say he doesn't call me by my preferred name, but he told me he didn't approve of me having a sex change, which made me just not talk to him, because he said it at a time I was concerned about my heart after he always preached to me that there is a time and a place for everything.

Hopefully your son (daughter as they will be known as if they do transition) will be happy living as a woman, and if so desired, taking hormones. Best of luck to you folks and your child.

So glad to hear from a parent who cares enough to be willing and able to accept their child.

My dad was a preacher, would never have been able to accept this,... but he was born in the 40's too, so his world was very different.

My mom, bless her, had suspected for a while - she was a RN, so she had a bit more idea of how things can be. She was perfectly willing to accept me as the person I am. I count myself very lucky, because so many of us have faced being kicked out entirely by family and friends when we finally find the courage - or in my case, the actual WORDS - to come out. I have siblings who still don't get it, still refuse to see me as who I am; and with them, their wives reject me. I decided as long as Mom still loved me, the rest could fall out of my life and I'd be fine.

I waited until I was 45 to come out - because I had no word for what I felt - had felt since I was 3 - and thus, no idea I wasn't alone. A lifetime of being clinically depressed fell away as I got to become more who I always knew I was - until I was able to quit the antidepressants and be myself. Life is worth living now, so much more than before.

I am very thankful that my mother was willing to keep me in her life, and willing to make this journey with me - because that's what being Transgender is, a journey. The goal is to become the person(gender) you know yourself to be, however you decide you need to do that. There are several stages, and each of us finds the point in our journeys where we feel right. For some, that's nothing more than being accepted; for others, it involves just dressing as we feel correct, or hormones, or surgeries, ... but we each find the point where we can look at ourselves and say, "This is me,... as close as I can get.", and then move on to living our lives as the person we are. The important thing is, like everyone else, we want to be loved, and to feel safe and whole in our own skins. Your continuing support will make this easier, as you offer a safe place to begin the journey - and supportive loving people to offer shelter and encouragement as your child moves forward - as far as your child feels this needs to go in order to be themself. The world isn't always kind, but there are good people in it.

Thank you for being among the good people.

well ty for sharing your thoughts and supporting your child on this subject youve come to the right place as we will try and answer your questions i myself has only come out recently and am going through counselling to help with my transition also i am seeing a pyschiatrist to help me on my journey,it would pay to get your son to see a pychiatrist
to help him along with transition,it honors me to see parents supporting your son through this difficult time you have a heart of gold true happiness will come to you all for the love and support you are offering your son.ty for understanding.

I have been looking for a forum for parents so i was pleased to see this post from a parents point of view. I am a parent of a transgender teenager and am doing my best to support my child through this difficult time for them. I have suspected for some time and have tried to create a relationship where they can talk open and honestly to me. My child was born with female genitalia but identifies as a male. They are currently in College and has only just openly shared this with us. However tgey are finding it very hard to 'come out' to peers and other people. I find it hard to use the right language and as they are not ready to take any further steps find it difficult to know how to refer to them. I feel guilty when i refer to 'her' and 'daughter' and use her birth name but cannot yet say 'him' and Son' and use new name for fear of letting people know before they are ready. I am looking forward to reading lots of the posts on this forum so i can gather more perpectives and hopefully give some advice to my child.

Sarah,

I am FTM like your offspring, perhaps i can assist you with this new situation in your life. First I would like to know if he is in the care of a therapist and if he has been properly diagnosed, this is important, in order for him to transition successfully and integrate into male society.

I came from a Latino society where it is very difficult to "infiltrate" male society without the proper credentials, those being having the proper genitalia. These rules are also enforced by the women in said society, so you can imagine how it could have been for me living in said society. Suffice it to say that the only thing that separates Muslim and Latino women is the attire, society wise the treatment is the same, at least when I was a teenager.

But that is not why I am writing, I am mentioning this to show you the difficulty parents have in said society adjusting to a child's transition. I often tell transgender hopefuls (for lack of a better word) to be patient with parents, specially mothers because they gave birth to them and as far as they know, they gave birth to a child with a certain set of genitalia and even the birth certificate attests to that fact, coupled with an entire society also chiming in to that fact.

So it is very difficult to adjust to another reality from one day to the next. So long as the parent makes the effort, that is all that should matter. Not only that but if said offspring does not yet show signs of hormones treatment, it is even harder, because we are taught to call things as we see them. Fair enough.

My own mother and sister had a very difficult time, but it was mostly because I was not present and I am still not present for this show and tell of sorts, since they reside overseas and the mail is practically non existent. it took them 15 years to start using the appropriate pronouns, every now and then my mother slips, but I do not correct her because I know it's not easy but she managed to reach a compromise, she calls me by my second last name. I do not mind, I know she is trying, that is all that matters.

Now for the "coming out" option, I personally told no one of it, not until I started to show signs of testosterone treatment because this is a very personal thing. I did not feel i needed to tell anyone, in fact, I did not even told anyone at work and as far as my friends, I told them much much later, I spent 5 years pretty much alone while I was trying to adjust to the testosterone effects on my body and mind. I was literally fit to be tied but under the care of a therapist.

The support group was worthless, so I pretty much did this on my own, it was not pleasant but it was worth it, I learned more about myself alone than being led by the paw by others who obviously had no idea of what it was to be your own man in this society, instead of just being a stereotype.

My mom did once ask me about my transition once and she never asked me again, all she wanted to know was if I believed I had made the right decision and if I was happy with my decision and this woman did not even give birth to me. She says that dealing with me when I was growing up made giving birth to me overly redundant. I know she loves me, she may not agree with some of my decisions in life but she knows that what she tried so hard to teach me has born fruit and that she did not waste 10 years of her life when she was dealing with me on regular basis.

My advice? Just do the best you can, you will make mistakes and take your time adjusting, if your offspring gets antsy and disrespectful just tell him that given the fact that as far you knew you gave birth to a girl and now you are realizing that this was never the case, you find it very hard to kill that thought. It is a death of sorts, so take your time and eventually you will come to terms with it but do not allow your offspring to bully you into it.

Hope this helped,
Wolf (FTM since 1987)

Wolf

Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experience with me. It does help a lot. I thought i would be ready but it's still daunting. He has decided to start University as Male which is next September. We have asked for a referral to a Gender Therapist so that he can work through everything and he has become friendly with a MTF at College who has taken him to a Gender Identity clinic in London. He is undecided as to whether to fully transition but definitely wants bressr removal. To add to this difficult time he is diagnosed with High Functioning Autism and suffers from Anxiety and Panic attacks. It's been a challenging year. Thank you so much for your advice and guidance.