Have you tried couple counseling yet? Good communication and education are your best resources to use. Transitioning can be a very lonely road at times.

Hi-this is Tessid122 (Theresa)'s spouse Bonny. When I met Theresa she was Gary. We have been married for 13 years, but Tessi has only been Tessi since last spring. Before that she was living life as Gary and miserable out of her mind. It isn't who she is. She was born Intersex and the wrong gender was chosen for her so she had male equipment with a female brain. She was in line for gender reassignment and had the testing done. That was before we met. For a while she lived as herself, but by the time we met she had gone back to being Gary. I have been where you are, Betty. I told my family in July. Some people understand, and some people don't. Friends have dropped away and I know how it hurts. Truly deep down hurt. When Tessi and I talked about this it was not as big a shock because I knew about her past. But it still took. and is taking, getting used to. I mess up and call her Gary once in a while-she just laughs. I mean that is what I called her for 12 1/2 years. And I am not saying I haven't been anxious about it because that would be a lie. But the more time goes on, and the happier I see her, the less anxious I am. I love her too much to be selfish and ask her to be something she isn't. It takes getting used to for sure! And there are days when I say "how long does it really take to put makeup on?" But most of the time I just love her and try to help her through the hurt when her friends or family turn their backs on her. Eventually they will either come around or they won't. I don't live with them, and I am not married to them. I am married to someone who is a woman, and even though I am not a lesbian, I have no intention of leaving her. The Bible says we are to love and that is what I am doing-loving. I hope this has helped in some way and I will pray for you. It does get better with time. And you can clothes and makeup shop together!

This is such a difficult thing for you adjusting, and at the same time, being compassionate for your spouse. I could not handle it as a wife, and my husband and I are divorcing for that and other reasons as well, such as bouts of alcoholism and abuse. Just like you, I initially tried to support him with TG but it became too much for me to bear. It is extremely difficult for most straight, traditional women to remain in the relationship. That being said, I don't know you or your complete situation. I have two questions for you though: 1. Is he considerate of your feelings and struggles in all this and willing to respect your boundaries? 2. Have you thought about the children? Someone needs to advocate for them. Without support and even therapy, it can be very difficult for them as well especially living in the same house (I have two small children as well and I know they are going to have to find out eventually and ALOT of support will be needed as they are at such vulnerable ages trying to figure out their own identities.)
Out of all the difficulty I endured, this was the toughest thing....I wish you the best. Take a deep breath, one day at a time, and don't feel guilty about any feelings you may be feeling as this situation unfolds...

Thanks everyone. We haven't had couples counselling yet but is something we are thinking of trying. Our children are very small still (under 2) so not sure what to do yet. I feel I watch what I say but I do find it so hard to use different pro nouns. My husband hasn't really started living fully as a woman yet and says he might not as he doesn't want to loose me. I don't want him to hide his true self and then resent me in 20 years time but I am so scared about how others will see us etc. I never had a problem with transgender people and if it was one of my children I wouldn't care as long as they were happy so I am confused by my feelings and why I am finding this hard some days. X

i hope all goes well for you but staying married is hard for the other partner in a trans gender male t0 female relationship but my advice is too keep it between the two of you as coming out to your in laws is a scary thing and can go the wrong way as it did for me

my hart goes out to you both as with dealing with transitioning is hard to cope with i their side yet love goes a long way to help
love is hope for all the healing that is needed for each step taken into her becoming a woman it harder for the other partner to hold on to her but you can do it if you work hard on it-from Tonya a new member to daily strength

I am the trans one in my relationship and I can tell you that the whole coming out thing is a rough one and easily can be depressing and a heavy weight. If he is worried your parents will convince you to leave him that is a fear of losing you that he is scared of. You could offer to talk to them for him, see if that would make him more comfortable. All you can do otherwise is to keep reassuring him you aren't leaving him even if they wanted you to. Its going to be rough until he gets fully out and for many that is a hell of a hurdle. I applaud you for staying with your spouse through it all though. You are one he is very lucky to have in his life

I admire you sticking it out with your spouse. I dont feel that right now. My spouse has lied continually, gone behind my back and then finally, he comes out to me and demands that I accept his upheaving of the family home 24 hours later. He has plans on starting hormones and living as a woman immediately. I have 3 teenage boys that have no idea about this. I am looking down the barrel of a gun suddenly and he is upset that Im struggling to understand what just happened!? Are you kidding me!? Look, you took 42 years to come to this understanding and you are giving me 24 hours??? I am furious and scared and heart broken, but suddenly none of that matters! What is happening to my family! What am I supposed to do with this!?

Thanks everyone. We are talking so much more now and he doesn't know if he will ever be able to love fully as a woman as he is very scared of how other people see him. I am supporting him as best as i can and telling him I will stick by him no matter what. I guess time will tell for both of us but i have noticed since he has come out he is a lot a happier and a lot more loving so I guess that is a good thing. He is being really patient with me and not rushing anything which I think is mostly for my benefit bit also for his benefit. It's great to know that other people have been/going through this and I no longer feel like I am alone

its still early on, hopefully the hormones he is taking is under medical oversight, if not he needs to be, but the pressure of starting out is harsh, he needs to move slowly and remember he has all the time in the world, its not all having to be done tomorrow ;) like all things in life, you go as fast as you wish and no faster. Just be happy where he is and move when he feels the need. otherwise as you said it is just time :D You are definitely not alone.

My wife (originally my husband) transitioned ten years ago. I know it is difficult, even for someone like me who is bisexual and had at least some advantage in dealing, but it is also well worth it to stick it out if you can. Ask yourself what you fell in love with about this person, what you value that they bring to the table, what values you most respect and admire. If what you love is all wrapped up in gender, there may be a real problem making this journey. In my case, what I loved about my wife is still there, more so even, as I get to experience her living more true to herself and therefore more true to me. She has been very open and honest about things all along which helps, and we have gone thru every step together, had she been dishonest, untrue, and sneaky, likely I would not have stuck around. Biggest tip I have, respect her identity, do not continue to say he and him when she has already decided that is not who she is. Also, focus on how proud you are of what you have in her, to help combat any initial embarrassment you may be feeling. Lastly, keep in mind while you are going through something valid, for her it is much harder in most ways, and she very much needs support and acceptance and love to combat feeling like a freak or broken. Blessings.