I wish I had a good reply for you but I haven't gotten on HRT yet. I've watched a lot of youtubers say that it did affect the sexual orientation but they all said that they became Bi. If you love someone as deeply as you do your wife then I think that you will have no problems loving her after HRT. I know that its a fear for me too because I distaste men but i'm pretty sure that will never change

This is a bit personal and explicit so continue at your own risk.

For me, I have a sexual curiosity about men. I often fantasize about being penetrated by men and performing oral. When I try to rationalize these thoughts I chalk that up to me being a woman inside and desiring men is natural for women.

Over the years my wife has joked on many occasions about how we should share a physical encounter with a man. If I had been secure with the real me before now I would have blown her mind by agreeing with a smile. I doubt that it ever entered her mind at how arousing that image was.

I have hear the word reworked used quite often by people who have gone through with HRT and they feel that it actually changed their perception of life. For now this is a moot point without HRT but it is a concern I do feel about a theoretical future where I decide that I absolutely need HRT to feel normal. Love and faith.

GWNN

It does not alter any of the ways you think. If you like women you like women, simple as that. If you are actually bi and have had interest in males from a conceptual standpoint, then yes as you get more comfortable with you, it is probable that you will also become more comfortable with that aspect of yourself as well. So HRT works differently for everyone and of course most have the similar physical effects of body hair decreasing, skin texture changing, breast growth and the like. Some also suffer a severe drop in sex drive or potential impotence completely. Some have 0 alteration to their original drive or ability. Mentally, I noticed a change right away in that I was not quite as high strung, I wasn't as depressed, and I felt more... right I guess. I don't mean from a standpoint of its something I wanted. I mean a legit feeling of my body kinda going "ahhhhh much better" kind of thing. I forgot one day after being on it a few months and it snapped me back to where I was before and I REALLY did not like how I felt. Preference wise, I am predominantly into women, but had always been curious regarding men, but of course without being a woman I would never do anything about that. So I date women, but I have since had some interest in men and have even been on a few dates and the like. I wont say that it made me change to that, I think it just made me more okay with that aspect of me that was there. I think most who claim that it "Made" them like men just don't want to admit they did before hand. anyhow, hope this is helpful.

That perspective is actually very helpful. The fact is that being out to anyone is so new that I feel a deep need to learn as much as I can. I’m not young anymore and that has fueled my need to be myself. If I am unable to find a middle ground where my wife and can live intimately again then my leaning would be to full transition. Everything about that terrifies me and st the same time fills me with a joy I can’t truly express. I’m so glad I was able to find this community. I don’t know any local trans women but I would sure love to meet one so we could share these thoughts and concerns in person over lunch or whatever. I thank all of you so much for being there and being willing to share. Love and faith.

GWNN

you are very welcome, and the concept of going towards the whole of transition is a daunting task to be sure, just remember that you can take as long as you want. There is a lot to do, I have been working on it since I was 32, and I will complete my surgery about 4 months after my 42nd bday. so it took me a decade to be ready for this and even today I continually do self checks on if I am absolutely sure its what I want. Anyone who wasn't scared about everything that would be ahead of them I would wonder about their over all mental state :P Its been a heck of a ride I will say that. Still going for that matter, 8-9 more months.

WyndWytch,

I really wanted to say that girls like you are very inspirational to me. For my entire life I have had this odd feeling that I was wrong and never really felt a way to express it. Ironically, my wife is more responsible than anyone for where I am at today. She is very open in her support for all types of LGBTQ rights and freedom. Her connection to this community is what made me finally reach out to try to understand myself and my feelings.

I have seen quite a few trans women on YouTube that have various ongoing strings of videos about their lives and experiences. The one thing that they all seem to have in common is a certain confidence in themselves as women. That is what inspires me so much about all of you wonderful ladies. The more that I reflect on this the more I want to be one of you. I want to be a woman. I want people to see me as a woman. I want people to call me miss or ma'am. I want to feel that pride of being validated as the woman I feel like inside. I wish you all the good that life can bring you in the future. I pray that your surgery goes perfectly and that your complete transition will give you everything that you want from the process. I have to admit that I am jealous of you and that I wish it was me. Thank you for being an inspiration to me and to other girls struggling with their transition journey. Love and faith.

GWNN

well definitely don't be jealous of me, the road for me has been rough and not something I would wish on others to be honest. I am proud of myself for sticking it out as long as I have when so many others don't. Just remember your path through it will be your path, it wont match up with mine, or anyone elses. While we are all facing the same end game, the path there can be very different. You may not have some of the issues that I have and I may not have had some of the ones you did (IE the spouse). You just have to remember, you are who you are and its okay for you to be you. You deserve to be you and regardless of anyone elses comments or actions you should be you. They aren't you so who are they to dictate who you should or should not be? So find a comfortable spot and when you do you will be happier overall.