So while I do believe meditation is good for a number of reasons I have yet to ever hear of anything actually changing physical characteristics. So this is going to more be a "soul searching" to get you to fully accept that you are a woman and thus it will be how others perceive you. I doubt you're going to actually see physical alterations. How to how you set your happiness first... If you are living to other peoples expectations and views of you then how do you know who you are? You aren't what someone else says you are, you are who you are. Simple as that. So stop worrying about how other people see you or what they think of you and be you. Do YOU think you are a good person, Do YOU believe you should be able to be happy? If you live a decent life then what others think doesn't matter. Why should a grocery store cashiers determination matter? It shouldn't. Nor should your friends or families because guess what, if they really care about you, they want you to be happy. If they don't then honestly you are surrounding yourself with toxic people and need to find new people to hang with. Fact is the path you choose to go down in life regardless of being trans or what, is your path, its not theirs, don't let others tell you how you should walk it, if you do then you miss the whole point of the path which is to live it. Now what can you do to progress? Well you can find a therapist, that's usually the first step, secondly you can decide who and what you want to be. The transition path is not 0-100... it has stops every step of the way and you decide where you go. from there, its going to be dealing with the hoops required to get there which usually involves money, so if you have a decent job that helps, if not maybe you should start there first. Your life is a choose your own adventure story, so start where you start, and go. I have given you a few ideas and I hope they help, but you need to start living for you because you are in this life for you, you always were, and you always will be, everyone else is just riding the coattails.

That is so true, it is my life, I've been improving slowly but I have been trying really hard. I do think im a good person I do believe I can be happy. I guess in all reality my path is the one less followed and who knows maybe I will discover some lost relic or something that has vanished behind the lines of all the people. Your words are amazing! thanks so much for replying

meditation, can change how we think about ourselves and bring out awareness who we really are and it could be a great aid in beginning the path to transition . but the amount of changes the mind can make is limited to your core belief in what can be done.i heard of people who can hover during meditation because they truly believe they can. all it takes is a slight amount of doubt to ground you., Jesus once said in the bible that we could move mountains if we truly believe we can. So girl if you have this kind f belief and desire its possible i suppose but one sliver of doubt will ground you and reverse what ever progress you made. so if you have that much desire and need time to jion the club and see a doctor and start HRT. You expressed worry about critical people and harassment , I'll be honest with you, depending largely on where you live, what i personally experienced was after a full year of dressing as a woman 24/7 i never was harassed or made fun of at all, not even once. But i live in Seattle where people are very open minded. But talking to others like myself that live else where say they have similar experiences. SO you could go on HRT it would take a long time before the changes become unhide- able.. so if you need to be male for you work you can do so. that what transition is about, its about change, and change is a preference that you set. its your choice on how quickly its done. GOOD LUCK

That is an amazing insight Annie, I was a little worried about work because I would need to hid for them and for my parents for a time

THANK YOU,, if you need more feel free to ask.