Transgender Support Group

This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.

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Gender therapy (and pronouns)

krischaos
krischaos
So I finally started going to gender therapy last week and I got an appointment today. My mom is finally coming around and being less of a meany head on the subject. She comes to therapy with me and it's helped with her mood for the last week. I needed new underwear (boxer briefs) and she went and got some for me though she did tell me she was uncomfortable while doing it. On the mom front everything is going better on my dysphoria point life kinda sucks alot but I'm holding up the best I can though I have had some relapses on the si front. I'm trying to stay stable without having to go on depression meds but it looks like that's where things are headed.

I came out to my friends (well not all of them) people suck when it comes to pronouns and my chosen name. I get a mix between both and this confuses the shit out of new people that i meet. Like I'm fine when people call me Kris instead or Davian but I'm not okay with people I'm out to calling me my birth name. I'm not all that critical of pronouns all the time, depends on my mood, though I chose my name for a reason and I'm starting to get erked by people refusing to use it. I mean I teacher got my chosen name right when she's known me by my bithname since freshman year (she's had me two years in a row and knows me by my birthname) she got it right in two days and I never asked her to change what she was calling me I wrote it on my paper once and she took the initiative to learn my name.It kinda pisses me off that a teacher took the timeto learn my new name and my friends can't do that muh less get pronouns right. Sometimes they make me want to scream at them and I seriously think thats what it would take for them to get shit right.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Hi Kris, congratulations with your gender therapy, it helps along with the transition. As for the pronouns topic, although I had not gotten my name change done legally just yet, one thingy that I had discovered is that people who knew me as a kid, and my biological status in my hometown community, way before I started transitioning, will continue to call me by my biological name, and so I will continue to correct them about my new name. After awhile that they still call me by my biological name, I'll start ignoring them until they get it right. People who can't get the new name right, it might be intentional or an act of denial to except your new gender identity. One way of handling this pronoun conflict, is to meet new friends who respectfully call you by your new name. Some people in LGBT community, moved to another state in which nobody knew about their old name, and only know them as their new name.
peanutzz
peanutzz
Hi Kris.
I also had the same experience with si. I just wanted "TO BE HEARD" and that I can relate to. When I couldn't communicate it fast enough, I bled to make people see. I also burned to make you hurt with me. And i hurt to let you see how much I was hurting yet I could never tell you. When you hurt me I couldn't tell you. I had to show you. It's a horrible expression of grief and pain. I'm sorry you're going through this. xo
deleted_user
deleted_user
I was working for the Federal govt when I transitioned. The scariest day of my life was telling my co-workers. But they were all cool with it. And one judge never slipped with pronouns after that day. New name and pronouns were easy for him.
Can't say the same for family or friends. THAT took time, persistence, and them seeing how the world related to me. The more they saw that the world saw me as a woman, the easier it got for them.
I would advise you to be prepared: some friends may not accept, and you may find them keeping their distance. But you'll make new friends who won't have any past to overcome.
Good luck.
Dana
deleted_user
deleted_user
I think one thing with people who have known you for a really long time have it just embedded in their brains that your name, gender, and all that is what they met you as. It's difficult to change something that's so deeply set inside your mind, although very frustrating.

I have a friend that I have known since the third grade and I have to remind them each time I am introduced to someone, the name to introduce me as. But, the third grade was a really long time ago, so it's just engraved into memory.
deleted_user
deleted_user
Exactly, it can be frustrating forcing people who have known you past life, and now for them to call you by your new name. I can relate to this when it comes to conversation with my sister on the phone, as she address me by my old name, that she always known me by from my past life, but I keep reminder her its Rhonda! but she explain that it is hard for her to adjust to saying the female pronouns in her brain.
I personally think that it is just an excuse, but I can fix that by calling her by some guy name.
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