Transgender Support Group
This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.
Here's a challenge I have yet to face - but I know it's coming up within the next two months: going swimming in public. There is an event coming up that I HAVE to attend, which includes getting into a public swimming pool with others for part of the event. A scant few of the people there knew me before I transitioned, and thus know I used to have female DDD breasts. Now, I have the scars from surgery and a more masculine chest. I have men's swim trunks; but I have not gone into a public pool since I started transitioning. Frankly, I look like a beached white whale in swim trunks... *sigh* I'm nervous because I know the sight of the scars will raise a lot of questions from those who don't know my past. I am tempted to wear a tank top or T-shirt, but that might not be allowed - some pools don't permit "street clothing" within the pool itself. It is a challenge. A part of me keeps saying, "so what? Just get in the pool and enjoy it - who cares if people raise questions?"
I've been working through how I could answer the questions without telling them I am transgender; or if I even want to answer such questions. I know human nature - if i don't address the obvious, people will gossip and who knows what rumors will get started and spread before I know it.
There is no question about me going or not - I AM going, so getting into the public pool is unavoidable. I actually would love to go swimming again,.... I just don't want to feel like I am being stared at, or feel I have to explain the scars. There will be lots of people who DON'T know me at all, as well as a scant few who do - and did before.
Which is where part of my nervousness stems from : how many of those who knew me before will feel uncomfortable seeing me like that?
I know if I project self-confidence, others will pick up on it and be more at ease around me, but ... the first time out like this, it is hard to have that confidence to project. Still,...
Bottom line? I am FtM, and I am attending this event where I WILL be in a public pool with lots of other people. It is another hurdle on the road to being more myself. Either I try to cover up and hide, or I just go on and let everyone see the scars and act like it's no big deal. They are obvious, ugly scars, and although they are fading, they are still very visible, even from across a room.
I've been working through how I could answer the questions without telling them I am transgender; or if I even want to answer such questions. I know human nature - if i don't address the obvious, people will gossip and who knows what rumors will get started and spread before I know it.
There is no question about me going or not - I AM going, so getting into the public pool is unavoidable. I actually would love to go swimming again,.... I just don't want to feel like I am being stared at, or feel I have to explain the scars. There will be lots of people who DON'T know me at all, as well as a scant few who do - and did before.
Which is where part of my nervousness stems from : how many of those who knew me before will feel uncomfortable seeing me like that?
I know if I project self-confidence, others will pick up on it and be more at ease around me, but ... the first time out like this, it is hard to have that confidence to project. Still,...
Bottom line? I am FtM, and I am attending this event where I WILL be in a public pool with lots of other people. It is another hurdle on the road to being more myself. Either I try to cover up and hide, or I just go on and let everyone see the scars and act like it's no big deal. They are obvious, ugly scars, and although they are fading, they are still very visible, even from across a room.
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Middy is off for a bit so if anyone needs a CL please just give me a shoutSending a big hug...xo
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I was sexually assaulted as a kid. I find it hard to accept that another person's actions caused me so much harm. He made bad choices and now I am paying the price. Stupid PTSD!
I think that the scars are only obvious to you, let's face is the South and it would be actually amazing if anyone mentioned it.
The funny thing about scars is that people are often very queasy around anything like that so it will be very unlikely anyone will bring it up to you.
Just be yourself and do not worry about what others think of you. I have not had any upper surgery and I have moobs, I have yet to have anyone say a thing about them in 30 plus years.
Hope this helps,
Wolf
I know it sounds a bit silly, but I have been chewing my lower lip over this whole thing. I have the best reason in the world to wear a shirt in the pool - I sunburn in like 5 minutes and look lobster red. Either way, I'll take a plain white T-shirt with me, and slip it on to help keep the sunburn down.
I intend to enjoy going swimming! I'll also put on sunblock, just to be safe - but lookout for the white whale! Hope Ahab isn't around. LOL.
I would recommend something like sun shirt? Or as a lot of folks wear now those board shirts.. They are tight against the skin, (mostly anyway) and they protect you from getting sun burned. I use to wear it when I was water skiing, and my son wears it now so we don't have to put on as much sunscreen. That way if some one asks, just say I don't want to get burned, haven't been out much this year yet... Or even shorter ... I burn easily.
I hope this helps.. Even as an idea.
Drop me a line for more info.. If need be.
Good luck, and try to relax a little...
I think we each have our challenges, as far as passing goes - no matter how little or how much surgery each of us may have had or plan to have. Me, I've had top surgery, and not by a top surgery specialist - but by a typical plastic surgeon working for the VA. So, I have some serious scars, as he made no effort to camouflage them or make things look nice or even natural. He even left weird armpit "boobs" - large fatty fold under each armpit on my flanks. So yeah, I am not exactly confident or comfortable without a shirt in public. Over the past year or two, the scars and "armpit boobs" have faded a little - and my confidence has slowly gone up about that area. Honestly, I can live with the scars - I was never vain about my appearance. As a USMC vet, I look at scars as proof I survived.
I am glad no one reacted like my Mom did - "Why do you have to go in the pool at all? Can't you just sort of cover up and sit on the sidelines?" I gave her a look, and said, "For the rest of my life? Or just until you pass on so you won't be embarrassed?" at which point she realized what she had said and done, and blushed. Now, she's a little more accepting of the idea. But then, she's 80, and so much has changed in the world around her. I am amazed at how well she has taken everything, and am honored by how accepting she has been of me, given the world she grew up in.
I'm going to enjoy the pool, and take that step towards being more myself.
Thanks for the advice and support, everyone!
common! you know what I do if I do not want put a toe in the water? I am on the rag. When I am on the rag just the look at the water sounds awefull to me. I know, not always but absolutely reliable exuse. In this case I go max to shirt (as the belly is enormous) and shorts!
I woud go this way as it gives you space to find out what the pool of swimmers is about! Hugs D.
Nobody said a peep, and everybody - including me - had fun in the water. I just wore my trunks and shirt down to the pool, rinsed off in them at the outside shower, and went right in. Afterwards, I air-dried during the late activities. Since it was a really hot day, no one seemed to think anything of it.
It was a long weekend of activities, so I got to enjoy the pool over several days. Glad I decided to go ahead and enjoy myself.
First time I have been near a pool in years - and first time since I began transitioning. Funniest thing was, somehow my knees got sunburned, but not the rest of me.