Rhonda,

The saying goes, if you have to ask, you already know the answer deep down.

That being said, you say you do not want to lose his friendship yet you do not know how long you will want to tolerate his lack to tact, so I will ask you this, what is more important to you, that he calls you by the correct gender or his friendship?

On the other hand, you can always ask him if he is ever going to address you by the correct gender, if he refuses, then you can decide where to go from there.

I had something similar happen to me a few years ago, the guy told me to give him time, and after I saw he did not bother to correct himself or even apologize when he made a mistake, I stopped hanging out with him

Hope this helps,
Wolf (FTM since 1987)

Rhonda,

How receptive do you think your friend would be if you just be open and honest with him. Maybe it is wishful thinking but if you approach him in a nice way, and just let him know how not referring to you as the woman you are it bothers you. I have referred to my girl friend as dude before, so maybe it is the way he refers to people in general. I think at some point you will have to talk to him about it. I hope things go ok with you and your friend. Best of luck Rhonda :-)

I totally get that, Rhonda because I don't like confrontation, and sticking up for my feelings. It's really hard. But you may have to do that, then maybe you can move on. He'll know how you feel anyways. I call everyone "dude" and I know it's sensitive to some trans people, but it just slips out. I even call my daughter "dude" ha ha.

Just come out and ask him to use the correct pronouns. If he refuses, then you know he doesn't respect you - and you don't need people like that in your life.

I have relatives like this - sister-in-laws - who flat out refuse to use the correct pronouns for me. I don't look fem at all anymore, but here they are, years later, still insisting on using "her" , "she" et al - even in public. It has gotten to the point I have zip to do with them when I can avoid it - and when they pull this crap in public, I just look at them like they are insane,... as does everyone else who hears them. My voice has even dropped an octave lower.

I finally confronted both sister-in-laws about this, and one said that she'd call me "he" when hell froze over. The other just blinked at me blankly, as though she had no idea what I was talking about. Neither one was ever nice to me, so now I save myself the trouble and skip interacting with them at all. When I see my brothers, I talk to them, but I say nothing to my sister-in-laws, ever - and I ignore anything they may say to or about me.

If they ever address me correctly, then I will speak to them; but given their staunch refusal, I doubt it's ever going to happen. No skin off my nose; I can live without them.

What kind of friend treats you as something other then you are? What kind of friend doesn't accept who you are? What kind of friend comes over to your place just to play video games? I don't know Rhonda, I think you got a decision to make, but I really don't know what the best course of action is here, only you know the answer to that. All I know is, if I had a so called friend who was treating me like that, especially after I have transitioned and have long hair, painted nails, etc, I'd be like, so mooch off somebody else's gaming system buster, cause this girl is a whole lotta woman, and clearly too much for you. lol

Update:

I recently explained to Steven, about him misgenderizing me, he sat down and listened, afterwards he apologized.. "Oh I'm sorry, I call all my friends "man" even women.. I didn't mean to offend you in anyway, its just a habit that I have saying to people".. Steven ended talking to me.. okay now my thoughts on this, I find that hard to belief that a female would allow him to address her will male pronouns in the public?

I'm from the South, and I don't know of any women who would accept being called by male pronouns, especially in public.

Now, being called "y'all" is different, as that is gender neutral.The term "you guys" has also become gender neutral in my region... though I know ladies who would object to that. Some groups I know use the term "dude" as gender neutral; that seems to be more wide-spread. However, no lady I know would accept being called "he" in public (or in private), nor would they accept having the terms "his" or "him" applied to themselves EVER.

I guess our situations are different because you have actually fully transitioned. And so for anyone to call you a guy Rhonda, is deffinetly an insult. In my case however I haven't transitioned, so I don't have the luxery of getting upset if somebody uses the term he or my birth name. However, my brother knows about me, so he calls me Ashley, even though I still look like a guy.

Its a sign of respect honestly, I think it clearly shows he respects me. I wish I had the money to afford wigs, but I went into debt over other stuff. Besides, without HRT, even if I got a wig, I'd most likely make an ugly looking girl lol. I guess what I am saying is I don't put much faith in me ever passing for a girl no matter how hard I tried.

However, be that as it may, if you look like a girl Rhonda, and you do BTW, then people should use the proper pronouns and respect towards you.