Transgender Support Group

This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.

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Relationships & Sexuality
/ Transgender Support Group

disappointment

KorgZero4
KorgZero4
I have know I was different my whole life, and I spend a lot of time thinking about how I have disappointed my family, particularly my father. I came out as gay in high school and it took my parents a long time to be comfortable. They are in my life in very functional ways, but when they come and visit, it is mostly to see my brother and not me. I feel like I was not the daughter that they hoped for, and now that there's a possibility of me transitioning, I feel like I will be further away from them even more.

I spend a lot of time agreeing to do things that others want me to, mostly because of fear of upsetting them and pushing them away. I have not taken care of myself in a very long time, and my substance abuse and diet behaviors are getting out of control. If I wanted to transition right now, I dont trust myself enough to do it in a healthy way. I start therapy next Saturday and I cannot wait.
Cyndysub
Cyndysub
Hi, i am new to transgender also i have just started going to a therapist and i don't have your advantage. I wish i had started in high school. Try not to beat yourself up so much and remember the only person you have control over is yourself. Peace and love to you and i hope everything goes well at the therapist. My therapist was very open understanding and non judgemental i hope that it is the same for you because it's not always easy to let down your guard and be totally open to a stranger. I hope all goes well for you. You will find this to be a good group i know i did.
WyndWytch
WyndWytch
Firstly congrats on the going to see the therapist. That is a huge step and should help a number of things going on with you. Second, stop the substance abuse and the eating issues. I know this sounds way easier than it is, and you are right. The therapist though should be able to help you with that. The reason i say that is that in order for transition they have to be able to show that no other factors could be what is causing the desire to do so and you have to show you will handle the medications and such responsibly. That second part is what will bite you with substance abuse. You have the power to decide to stop, if you doing it is a result of the poeple you are hanging around you will have to decide which is better for you, to not be around them and it, or you and what makes you happy. There are a ton of people out there who will like you for you and not what you do to make them happy. You honestly need those people around you. I am not sure how introverted or extroverted you are, but there are others out there to be friends with. The parent front is a hard one. It can't be one sided, either they want to have a relationship with you or they don't. If they do, then they need to reassess their idea of you and incorperate these new elements instead of living like it isn't the case or being disappointed they won't have grandchildren or some silly abstract like that. The problem in that case is not with you, it is with them. THey either don't understand and are not trying to, or are paying lipservice and thats all. You however need to do what is best for you in all things. If that means transitioning partially or fully, then so be it. trying to live a life unhappily is mearly existing and not living. You have a chance to live your life the question will be do you take it back and live it, or do you stay as as things are and exist for everyone else?
JoeDulin
JoeDulin
Going to see the therapist is a good step - a good one will be able to help you sort things out and make positive changes in your life. Just remember that it's all part of the process, and keep working away at it, a little at a time.

Remember, you deserve to be happy too; and either people will like you for who you are, or they won't - and if they don't like you for who you really are, do you REALLY want them in your life?

I spent most of my life keeping what I felt and knew in my heart a secret, told to NO ONE for decades, out of fear over how my parents would react. Finally, I got fed up with always having to hide who I was, and decided I deserved to be happy - it's my life, after all. Either I live it for myself, or waste it trying to be something I'm not for everyone else.

That is what you need to decide - are you going to live your life, or are you going to live a lie to keep other people happy, and be miserable yourself? I hope you decide to live your life, and find happiness.