Transgender Support Group

This community is here to support and help the large population of transgender people. If you or anyone you know identify as transgender, this is the place to share your feelings and experiences and speak with others who are going through similar things in their lives.

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uncommoncondition 07/07/2015

I read the comments from my last posting and I am really happy to hear from everybody. Joe's message was very close to my sons struggles with depression. We were so scared that we were going to lose him as a teen. Even when he was seeing his long time girlfriend he just didn't have happiness and it showed. Now there is a happy person who seems to have alot more zest for life. My wife and I couldn't love our child any more than what we do. We don't care what the world thinks because in the end it is family that counts.
I want to say something that only a parent would understand. I don't want anybody to hurt for this or to get anybody upset but it is from the heart and the truth. My wife and I were talking one night after a dinner with our son and she said something that really hit me. Seeing the slow transformation that is taking place is like saying goodbye to the son you raised until adulthood and then opening the door to having a daughter from this day forward.
I KNOW my childs happiness is the most important thing but saying goodbye to my son is very hard. The pictures the memories of what we thought was right for him. I know it is selfish to hold onto these thoughts but again you have to be a parent to understand this. I will love my child as he becomes a she but I would be a liar if I said it doesn't hurt.
Please try to understand.

WyndWytch 07/08/2015

I doubt you offended anyone with this post :D so no worry there. Some of us (even those who aren't parents) can also understand it. I personally had this discussion with my family before they had even thought about it. The reality is that every person has these illusions of the people they meet. It is how we are raised to think. If we see someone in ratty clothes and tattoos covering them, we cross the street, or we see a person in a business suit we assume they must be a certain position. It starts there and builds over time. So your son wore a convincing mask in his life because of fear, you got used to that mask and now have a new face to see. Rather than think about it as a loss of a son, try to remind yourself that you are actually getting to see who he really is. It may help some with the struggle of the "loss" feeling.

You are right though, I have seen many come through here, and in life who forget that transition is about them, yes, but it has an effect on every single person around them. Ignoring that, in my opinion, is a huge mistake as it puts strains on those relationships. Once again thank you for adding in your point of view, it is greatly needed and appreciated :D

JoeDulin 07/08/2015

I hope what I had to say was helpful. I am very glad you've chosen to follow love and be accepting of your child for who your child is. Yes, it is an adjustment for everyone, and yes, it takes time. Yes, you feel a sense of loss - but the only thing you're losing is an illusion, as your child was never really the person everyone else thought them to be.

I know it does not feel that way to you now, but one day, you will be able to see it. That will be the day you realize just how wonderful a human being your child is becoming, and can see your child as their gender, no matter what their body may be.

It does take time, and willingness to adapt - you've expressed the willingness, so all you need now is time. Give yourselves that.

uncommoncondition 07/08/2015

Thank you both for your posts. I am finding this Daily Strength site very helpful for more than one issue. I am really wanting to learn from real people and not from some cold medical journal. The comments that you both have made are beautifully put and are helping me more than you know.

PokemonKid 07/08/2015

It's hard for any parent. It truly is, but in the end you will never truly lose the person your daughter is becoming. She may not be the little boy you're used to, but that is still your child and what any child wants is love. When I came out to my parents I only wanted to be loved and accepted by them. By supporting her you are doing the right thing.

I hope you're able to find answers in this group. My mom watched a lot of videos on Youtube of men telling their stories. It helped her.

sheevara 07/12/2015

you know its fine inside an outside she will be happier and more confident especially now you are supporting her she will never ever forget how you stood by her and your love and bond as a family will grow even stronger,some parent might not be loving and understanding as you are so cherish how beautiful your family will becomexx

corazonsierra 07/13/2015

Ill admit i did cry a little bit. Your words are the sort any Transgendered child would wish to have said by their parents. I am of the perspective that your generous words come from a rare and sincere heart. One that beats with genuine love for your child. This is such a rare thing... i am grateful to have witnessed it.

But there was another reason my eyes teared. I wish my family were of the mindset to consider the grander perspective that you seemingly have so openly accepted. Your child is likely to still know some pain in her life... but because you are such a wonderful parent... she will not know a great vast portion of the pain that the majority of us feel. There are so many families who's hearts beat black and without love they opening seek opportunity to place such pain on their children... I Thank you... for being so generous to your child as to spare her that pain.

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