My Summer Vacation or Paradise Lost and Found (no religious implications)

I went hunting cricket last September (2008) for fear that theyd be dying soon. They were not too hard to catch while tip-toeing wearing camouflage fatigues. What did the neighbors think of my bare foot? I'm not dismembered, only lazy. Actually I caught 11 crickets in the backyard woods and 3 in or near the garage. Unfortunately my dog ate 3 of them almost immediately so I was down to 11. My evil nephew captured, tortured, and squashed another 3. I was concerned that I might have to keep the thermostat up too high that winter. Crickets can survive at 62 degrees. I set my new cricket pets free in my netted living room. I soon added 4 caged parakeets to the 4 corners of this room. The living room decorations also included a half empty fishless fish tank. This created the perfect white water noise without the burden of feeding the fish or harming the fishes hearing.

In my paradise created, my tinnitus was an invisible trace of a sound that I could hardly perceive; the invisible sound that it really is. I couldnt have been more pleased in this environment but the family and visiting friends did not find my paradise found too pleasing. The kids found it just weird. The wife tolerated it until Christmas but found the constant and constant and constant noise too annoying. My friends and other relatives preferred to sit in the kitchen. Conversation suffered. Relationships strained.

My sanctuary had become a prison within my prison. I could come out of my prison and into the hidden prisoned world of others or hide in my living room. I could envy the rare species of a human who had no prison. I could have contempt for those who thought they had real trouble when their troubles were really trivial. I could feel better about me when passing a quadriplegic in a shopping mall. Or, I could set the crickets and the birds free and fill the fish tank with water and fish.

I think it necessary to report to the big t community, that I had one of the best summers of my adult life(2009). The crickets found holes in the netting and escaped. I gave the fish tank to my daughter who now treats it like an aquarium. Lets not discuss the parakeets but 3 of them are gone now. What I mean to say is that a summer of life and laughter is possible even in eeeeeeeeeeeee. I witnessed it. I never would have thought it possible even a year ago.

If youre new or a veteran to tinnitus, persevere and persevere and when in deep despair spend hours in the shower till your skin withers. Its worth it. You can go in and you can come out and hide there again if need be. Not to brag but my brand of eeeeeeeeee is louder than center city traffic and Atlantic crashing waves. Forgive this analogy, but Id rather pay hell forward. Ive tried to be mostly good but Ill never be nominated for sainthood. Even if this bizarre nomination was inflicted on me, Im really owed nothing. You owe me nothing but Im indebted to you. What a wonderful world. Really, (no sarcasm intended) what a challenging and wonderful world. What a privilege to press these keyboard keys no matter what. Tinnitus isnt physically killing you, dont let it kill you on any level. Summers coming againGod willing.